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| Banged Up | |
| By CliffBowes | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 17 May 2007 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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WARNING: contains bad language and scenes of a sexual nature. (There now, that should grab your attention.) Banged Up In the nick; and all I did was get caught having a shag on Clapham Common. The other business with the kid was a load of bollocks. I am not a nonce and never have been; all I did was show her a bit of affection – the odd kiss - know what I mean. I don’t know why she started screaming. Anyway, here I am banged up in this poxy cell twenty four hours a day on Rule 43 I shouldn’t wonder, busting for a piss and I aint got a pot to piss in, if you get my drift. It all went pear shaped when I got thrown out of my lodgings. I had been staying with Mrs Galbraith, Wendy that is, and her husband Ralph. Well, to cut a long story short, each morning when Ralphy had gone off to his ‘something in the city’ job, I would creep upstairs and get into bed with Wendy. One morning he came back for his umbrella and caught me under the duvet. As expected, he went bleeding bananas and insisted that I had to go. They made up some excuse about the new baby coming and needing more space. A total load of crap. There I was, living rough for a few weeks, until the old Bill picked me up on the Common and verbaled me up with this nonsense about the little girl. I have to hold me hands up to having it off with the German lass in a public place – I always say “You can’t beat a bit of al fresco coupling”. Well I mean, I don’t deserve this do I? I can hear footsteps, probably a bloody screw. “Here’s a visitor for you, you old bugger,” said the screw in an unusually affectionate way. “What do you reckon then,” addressing my visitors. “Well, he looks a bit unkempt, but I think we could give him a second chance.” Replied the male half of the couple. The cell door opened, I was shackled round my neck and taken out into the bright sunshine of the free world. I got into a car and driven to a semi near Clapham Common where I began my new life as Angie & Ted Brough’s new companion. It was great to be released from the Battersea Dogs Home, but I couldn’t wait for the moment when the Broughs weren’t quick enough in closing the front door, then I could do a runner and look for that German bitch again on the Common.
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