|
By proveyouexist
|
|
17 May 2007 |
as i exist, i think
as i think, i conclude
as i conclude, i impose
as i impose, i judge
as i judge, i neglect
as i neglect, i apologize
as i apologize, i recommence
as i exist, i think |
Written by Phil (6999 comments posted) 17th May 2007 | Interesting. I don't like the lack of capitalisation, but that's just me. It does sound repetitive (Doh) but I like the way one idea builds the next.
I was thinking about the end. I'm not sure you need the last, 'I exist.' For me, it would work better with only, 'I think' to finish. This would change the meaning a little though.
Phil. |
Written by proveyouexist (6 comments posted) 17th May 2007 | | the reason i ended it the way i did was because i was trying to portray a continuous loop. | biorhytm
Written by CliffBowes (176 comments posted) 18th May 2007 | A very good tag to Descartes most famous quotation, Je pense, donc je suis; I like the continuous loop idea, it works well, Like Phil I would also like to see capital A & I used throughout. Apart from that minor crit it is a good work and I look forward to more of your work.
Cliff
|
Written by Fledermaus (3506 comments posted) 18th May 2007 | | Had to think of Descartes too, though I'm not sure if he had this in mind. Very original though. |
Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register. Powered by AkoComment 2.0! |
Previous item
