This came about because I was reading about a writer who reinterprets traditional folk tales. I thought great - that sounds easy enough. You don't even have to think of a story, it's all there for you.
Wrong!!!!! - CHAPTER ONE
Grandma hacked, coughed and spat a gob of phlegm into the fire. It sizzled on the grate as she shuffled to the front door and opened it a crack. She pressed a beady eye to the crack and when she was sure the milkman had gone, she opened it quickly and grabbed the pint of semi-skimmed he had left on the small wall that ran the length of her garden. The terms of her Anti Social Behaviour Order forbade her to come within five yards of the milkman - or anyone else in the village for that matter. It was particularly harsh, thought the old lady, considering she was in her early eighties and it meant that she was unable to go into the village to buy provisions at the small general store. Instead, she had to rely on her granddaughter to bring her anything she might need.
She closed the door and shuffled over to her favourite chair by the fire. She plonked herself down and chuckled quietly to herself as she pulled back the foil top on the milk and gulped the contents greedily down, rivulets of milk flowing from the corners of her mouth and dripping down her chin onto her nightdress.
She set the half empty bottle down on a small table beside her chair and belched loudly.
"Ahhhh, pick the bones out of that one!" she cackled and wiped her mouth on her sleeve. She reached down to the table and picked up the remote control for the television. Settling herself back in her armchair, she pointed the remote at the set and sighed contentedly.
"Let's see who's on Jeremy this morning." She mumbled as the set sprang into life, the image of a fair haired man appearing on its screen. He was shouting at a young girl dressed in a shell suit, the acne buried beneath layers of thickly applied make-up on her face betrayed her young age. A caption at the bottom of the screen read; 'My mum keeps pinching my boyfriend - stop it!'
The old lady tutted loudly and sucked her teeth. "Ooh, it’s a disgrace. She should be playing with her dollys, not gadding about with 'im." The screen now showed a much older man walking onto the stage and sitting next to the girl. The fair haired man then spent the next five minutes shouting at him. Then the programme broke for adverts with the promise of more to come.
Grandma got up stiffly from her chair and shuffled to the small kitchen area at the back of the room. As far as sheltered accommodation went, it wasn't at all bad. She had the full use of the small ground floor flat, with its two rooms and integrated kitchenette. The fact that she had to share bathroom amenities however meant that she would be in breach of her ASBO, so she tended to wash in the kitchen sink and use a commode for when she had to answer the call of nature. Unfortunately, in order to empty it she would have to visit the bathroom which would breach the aforementioned ASBO, so she usually waited until the commode was full to almost overflowing before she telephoned her granddaughter to come over and do it for her.
She checked the commode. It was time to call her granddaughter.
CHAPTER TWO
Red sighed heavily as she felt the vibrations from her mobile phone against her cheek. She pulled the phone from the back pocket of her jeans and flipped up the cover to see who was calling her. The irritating 'tradarrrrr drrrringgg ingg ingggg' from its ringtone attracted several glares from the other patients in the doctor's waiting room where she sat. She scowled at the receptionist who was pointing at a sign above her desk depicting a mobile phone, surrounded by a red circle with a red diagonal line across it.
Red clicked the phone shut again. It was only Grandma and she could wait couldn't she?
The phone rang again. Evidently not, thought Red and she flipped it open again and pressed the answer button.
"Wot?" she snarled. There was an exited babble from the receiver and she rolled her eyes towards the ceiling. "Look, Gran," she sighed irritably. "I'll get there as soon as I finish what I'm doing."
She tucked the phone between her shoulder and chin and ignored the by now frantically waving receptionist. "No, I can't come now. I've got to pick up Mum's prescription, then I've got to meet up with Tricia and Kylie, 'cos they've got my homework from when I was off last week. And then I've got to go around to Auntie Kath's 'cos their Darren's been giving our Michael Chinese burns for what he done to their cat."
The receptionist came around from behind her desk and advanced menacingly on Red. She stopped in front of the girl and stood with folded arms and impatiently tapping foot. Red looked up at her.
"Hang on a minute Gran." Red looked contemptuously up at the receptionist. "Wot?"
The receptionist pointed at the sign. "Can't you read?"
Red looked to where she pointed and shrugged. "Wot's to read?" she asked impudently. "I can't see no writing. There's a picture, but no writing. So, what's to read? I can't read a picture can I?"
The receptionists face was like thunder. "It's obvious what it means. Anyone can see what it means."
Red shrugged again. "Well that's not true though is it? 'Cos I don't know what it means, do I?"
The receptionist gritted her teeth. "It means no mobile phones."
Red smiled up at the angry woman. She looked over at the sign and back again. "Oh, right. Is that what it means? Well," she leaned close conspiratorially, "maybe you should write the message out instead of having a picture what no-one know what it means like?" She leaned back in her chair and went back to her phone call. The receptionist shook with fury and for a split second seemed on the verge of hitting the girl, but then she took a deep breath and went back to her desk. Red smiled to herself and resumed her conversation.
"Look, Gran. I'll come over after I've finished here okay?" She flipped the phone shut and looked over at the receptionist. When she was sure she had caught her attention, Red made a show of pointedly switching off her phone. The receptionist glared at her. Red smiled gently to herself.
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Written by philkent (157 comments posted) 26th May 2007 | | Very insightful with regards to the subjects, their character and motivations. The way you set the tone and mood of the piece was very well done indeed, not at all derivative with regards to Red, just pretty accurate unfortunately. Left me wanting more. | Cheers!
Written by Kremmen (5 comments posted) 11th June 2007 | Thanks Phil. I really appreciate your review. It's inspired me to continue with what I had thought to be a dead end.
It's nice to get feedback and that's one of the best things about this site. Even if it's negative, at least someone is reading your work - and that's a bonus. Mind you, when the feedback is positive, it makes you realise that all your hard work has been worthwhile.
So, thanks again.
Paul.  | more, more
Written by Minimango (14 comments posted) 16th June 2007 | I liked the piece. Is there a continuation somewhere on this site? The charactors were very believable.
Well writen.
Was this taken from experience or entirely from your imagination? |
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