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The “Chug-Chug” of the ferry engines,
Soothing, Settling,
Quieting,
Sat cross-legged on the bed. Enclosed,
Warm & comfortable,
Sipping wine.
Looking out.

And through the port,
Another world. Different.
Fairyland.
The Land of Faery

Broken ice and sunset.
Shattered water fills the brain,
Fractured light splinters the eye.
A thousand colours
Rising and falling in the wake.
A million shards,
Undulating as one.

Tiny islands.
Tiny houses.
Dolls houses. Ridiculous
Made for munchkins and hobbits
Little wooden wendy huts,
In pink, lemon, bird blue and apple green.

The sun fades.
Light drains away. Colour washes away.
Shadow rises.
A darkling light. The landscape, a changling.
Blueness steals the ice,
Now changed to sapphire, opal and jet……

And as night falls,
We draw in, to Helsinki Harbour

Reviews

Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 26th May 2007

An odd one this. There are parts I really like and think work very well and other parts that don't do it for me.

I thought stanza three was very effective and well written. It really captures a scene and time. The description of moving and changing light works extremely well.

The first stanza introduces the scene well but there are things that I don't like. The last clause of the first sentence doesn't really fit. The use of '&' jumps out and detracts, where the use of 'and' would have served just as well and not detracted from the piece.

I sense the feel you are trying to portray in stanzas two and four, but for me, they are at odds with the rest of the piece. The ideas contained are fine, but stanza four particularly, comes across as very twee.

I like stanza five, but it does read in a pretty staccato and hard way. Perhaps joining some of the sentences might soften this.

Sorry if this sounds negative. There is lots to like in this - and it's only one reviewer's opinion anyway.

Phil.

Written by goingtothedogs (58 comments posted) 26th May 2007

Not at all. Thanks for the comments, partuclarly about the "&". Do you know I never realised I'd done that. It's interesting how one can be blind to one's own writing.

I realise that stanza 4 is twee, but it's intentional because that's exactly how it felt. I don't know if you've ever been to that part of the world, but the houses really do look (to an eye used to brick and stone) like wendy houses.

Stanza 2? Well, I take your point. It's why I used "Faery" as well as "Fairy"; just trying to get the mood.

Anyway, thanks for the critique, and if you ever get the chance, take the Gothenberg/Helsinki ferry

Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 26th May 2007

Strange, stanza 4 was my favourite part.
Oh the fickle finger of art!

Best wishes
Steve

Written by goingtothedogs (58 comments posted) 26th May 2007

You just can't please everyone...... so you have to please yourself

'S alright now ....
Written by Bagheera (685 comments posted) 27th May 2007

..... ♪♪ learned my lesson well ♪♪

That's one Garden Party I really wish I'd been invited to: the Guest List included so many of my favourite people .... :sigh

... and BTW
Written by Bagheera (685 comments posted) 27th May 2007

..... there's nothing I'd like more than to be writing future posts from the beautiful, CLEAN litter-free streets of Göteborg :sigh

Written by goingtothedogs (58 comments posted) 27th May 2007

Goteborg is nice. Helsinki is better..

Written by Bagheera (685 comments posted) 27th May 2007

Chaqu'un à son goût !! :grin

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Sunset in Helsinki Harbour