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Do You Smell Something Burning?
By jimbo
27 May 2007
This again is an old idea recently rewritten. Not an original concept but hopefully it raises a smile.

DO YOU SMELL SOMETHING BURNING?



One day God, in His infinite wisdom, decided to take a look in at the Earth. He was shocked at what He saw: war, famine, disease, corruption ... it was Hell on Earth.

'What to do, what to do?' pondered the Almighty.

Then He hit on a plan.

'I know!' He said, a massive star going supernova above His head, 'I'll give them some nice neighbours'

So, in a nearby solar system, God created a new planet.

'Bloody rocks won't go where You want them.' He grumbled.

It took a while - and He singed His fingers on a number of occasions - but He finally placed the planet at the correct distance from the star. He then began a rapid cooling of the surface and threw down a lot of comets to help with the formation of oceans and atmosphere.

Next He brewed up a primordial soup using His old chemistry set (thanks, Aunt Gerty) and some diced carrots. It took a while but soon there were the beginnings of life.

God however had decided that the whole process was going to need accelerating ... so He gave evolution an Almighty shove.

But then came the perpetual pain in the arse. Apes refused to evolve any further.


NUDGE


What happened there? I dunno, wasn’t me!


So, somewhat mysteriously, mankind arose. (He called them all mankind... to Hell with trying to remember a new name for every race He created. There must be billions!)

Still, God pushed on.

The same trials and tribulations that the people of Earth went through were visited on His newest work. (No point having neighbours if you have nothing in common.) One major difference, though ... He let Jesus stay at Home this time. The Boy was studying for His own Genesis exam, after all.

Soon the technological age was blossoming and - before He knew it - the newbies were ready to embark on their intergalactic meet-and-greet.

With the storm to end all storms, God sounded a fanfare for their arrival on Earth. The faster-than-light spacecraft arrived in orbit...

...only to find a planet-sized chunk of radioactive rock.

God sighed.

‘Shit, I left them cooking too long.’

Reviews

Written by stevetroster (1588 comments posted) 27th May 2007
A quite marvelous punchline, and if it is wasn't an original concept it was still new to me. 
 
Best wishes 
Steve.
Nudge?
Written by Asferthecat (851 comments posted) 28th May 2007

Written by Asferthecat (851 comments posted) 28th May 2007
What was the nudge bit all about? Why didn't the apes evolve? Loved the punch line and the humour but a bit baffled by some of it. 
The theme was new to me as well. 
PS sorry about the two reviews I keep hitting the wrong button and don't know which one it is

Written by stevetroster (1588 comments posted) 28th May 2007
Come on cat, you're the retired scientist (teacher). 
 
But then came the perpetual pain in the arse. Apes refused to evolve any further. 
NUDGE 
What happened there? I dunno, wasn’t me! 
So, somewhat mysteriously, mankind arose. 
 
The missing link! Where/what did mankind evolve from? 
 
Even I got that, 
and I'm in the corner 
wearing a dunce's hat.
Yea?
Written by Asferthecat (851 comments posted) 28th May 2007
Yea. well explain this - how come the neighbours did so much better without the intervention of Jesus?

Written by stevetroster (1588 comments posted) 28th May 2007
Why does that need explaining, what good did he do for us? 
Granted he gave a few hundred Jews a fish supper, but he couldn't even be bothered to 'spread the word' properly and instead opted to send his disciples. 
How far did they get with His work? 
India - No. 
China - No. 
America (North & South) - No. 
The rest of the middle-east - No. 
Lazy gits, they left it to the Romans to spread the word for them. 
 
'Soon the technological age was blossoming and - before He knew it - the newbies were ready to embark on their intergalactic meet-and-greet.' 
 
Perhaps they got on with developing their minds and their technology, instead of wasting their time reading 
a silly book 
about a silly man 
with holes in his hands. 
 
"Purr" - Stave 
 

Written by Janie (265 comments posted) 29th May 2007
yeah why can't them goddamn monkies get any further...surely they should be talking or summink by now! 
 
liked this, aunty gerty did well...a chemistry set no less! beats a nasty jumper with a picure of a shetland pony on the front any day of the week. :)

Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 29th May 2007
A fun read. Loved every bit of the story and also the added entertainment by some of the comments. 
 
Regards, 
TT 
Thank you
Written by jimbo (83 comments posted) 29th May 2007
Thanks to you all for the favourable comments. 
 
Steve is correct. The NUDGE refers to God's intervention at a crucial stage in mankind's evolution ... and is a light-hearted theory explaining the missing link. 
Again, thanks to all for their kind comments. 
Best wishes 
 
Jim

Written by Phil (6828 comments posted) 30th May 2007
Enjoyed this - story was original to me too - loved the end.  
 
Phil.

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