The phone rang for the fifth time that day. 'Unknown Number'. Suzie stared at it wondering if she should answer. Would it be that double glazing salesman? Or that smarmy git who kept trying to get her to re-mortgaging her flat?… Or would it be him?

“Hello,” she said hesitantly. A muffled noise came from her ear piece.

“Sorry, my signal isn’t so good. Hold on I’ll take you outside.”

“Hello?…Hello?” Suzie moved around the garden towards the rhododendron bush. She usually got a strong signal from there, suddenly the phone crackled into life.

“How big are your tits?” said the familiar voice of her boyfriend.

“Oh for god’s sake Martin! Will you stop doing this, it isn’t funny anymore! Don’t you realise that every time the phone rings I’m like a nervous wreck thinking it’s him again. He scares me and I think he’s watching me now as well.”

“Sorry love, I'll have to be quick, I'm on Gary's phone. I was just calling to say I’ll be late tonight. You okay? It was just a joke, chuck. Don’t let all this get to you, he’s just a sad old pervert who gets off on talking dirty and scaring young girls.”

The calls had begun a couple of months ago. Silent at first, then they’d progressed to breathing heavily and finally culminating in him actually speaking. They'd continued to get worse with every call. He was now describing what he wanted to do to her and what he’d like Suzie to do him.

The last time he’d called two hours ago, he’d said that he liked her panties, then went on to describe them exactly. Suzie’s blood ran cold as she listened. She knew she should just put the phone down but she wanted to find out who this guy was. He seemed to know so much about her that she thought it must be someone she’d met before. Suzie had taken to taping his calls now, listening carefully for any background noises that might give her a clue as to who he was. Once, she’d heard music playing, Vivaldi’s Four Seasons. Another time she’d heard the rumbling of what sounded like a train. But mostly it was his voice and heavy breathing as if he was jerking himself off.

The phone trilled to life again just as Suzie was retreating back inside. She stared at it and her blood pumped wildly, this time she knew it would be him. She answered and clicked the ‘record’ button.

“I want you Suzie.” His voice groaned and panted. “I want to slip inside your panties and ….”

“Listen! I don’t know who you are and why you keep calling me but the police have been informed about this!”

The phone went dead. The police had been informed but they’d said they couldn’t do anything unless he actually tried to cause Suzie some harm.

“If we investigated every nuisance call, we’d have no resources left at all Madam,” is what they’d said too.

In other words, “Piss off and leave our overweight, out of puff bobbies in peace to sit in their speed trap vans, scoffing donuts and Cornish Pasties while catching the 'real villains' of the world.” Suzie thought to herself.

No use relying on them, she needed a plan to catch this pervert and teach him a lesson once and for all. She vowed that the next time he called she would arrange to meet him. She didn’t have to wait long, within a few minutes her phone trilled again.

“Suzie…pant… pant."

“Okay, you have me interested now. You sound like a big boy who could show me a good time. It just so happens I’m going to be alone tonight, why don’t you come round and see me.”

Giving him her address, which he claimed to already know, Suzie clicked the phone down and set her plan into action. Janice, a good friend, was called in to help. Her presence in the flat made Suzie feel a whole lot braver. He might be able to over power one woman but not two, especially not Janice. She was built like a Sherpa tank and didn’t stand off at battering any man who as much as looked at her the wrong way. Suzie had been clubbing with her in the past and had witnessed it first hand. Yes, with Janice tucked away in the bedroom as back-up, Suzie felt a lot safer.

It was seven o’ clock when the buzzer sounded to her flat entrance.

Suzie suddenly felt nervous and scared. Maybe she should have thought this through better, it could all go so terribly wrong. He could be a huge strapping bouncer type who was capable of overpowering her and Janice, then doing goodness knows what. She took a deep breath and contemplated. Then again, if everything went a according to plan she would be ensured of complete revenge and the knowledge that he would never call her or anyone else again. The decision was made, it was a risk she was willing to take. She pressed the button that released the electronic lock and told him to come up.

“Hi,” she said in her sexiest voice when she opened her front door. There in front of her, stood a weedy looking old bloke, he looked grubby and every inch the pervert too. Suzie instantly recognised him from the launderette. She had seen him in there several times unloading his grey, nasty looking Y fronts from the dryers.

So that’s how he knew exactly what my panties looked like!

It all fitted together like a jigsaw now. She remembered how he’d picked up a pair she’d dropped as she was folding her stuff and he’d handed them to her. She’d been on her mobile at the time, talking to Janice. She’d put the phone down on the table to finish her laundry and forgotten about it. He'd ran after her as she left the launderette and given it back. That must have been when he'd got her number!

“Come in, come in.”

He stepped inside and she showed him into the sitting room.

“So Martin’s not back then?” he asked in a creepy voice.

“You know about Martin do you?”

“I know a lot about you too, I’m a good listener you see,” he said, his beady eyes narrowing to a squint. “It’s nice to meet you at last.”

“I fixed us drinks,” Suzie said, pointing to the coffee table by the sofa. She sat down and patted the empty space for him to join her.

“What time will Martin get back?”

“Relax! We have loads of time, here drink this,” she said handing him a small glass and moving along the sofa so she was right next to him.

He downed it in one and looked around the room.

“Is that the door to the bedroom?” he asked.

“Yes. My, you’re in such a rush! Have another drink first,” she said, re-filling his glass.

“You’ll have me tipsy and then I won’t be able to do anything,” he smiled.

He drained his second glass, stood up and began towards the bedroom door before collapsing in a heap just a few steps short of it.

“Janice! You can come out now,” Suzie called. She was trembling all over and cringing too. To think this seedy looking guy really believed that she’d do the biz with him. The thought of even touching him made her flesh crawl.

Janice appeared from the bedroom. “The anaesthetic worked alright then?” she said in a half whisper.

“Yes, so it seems. I don‘t know about you but I need a brandy. Look at me, I‘m shaking.”

Suzie went to fetch the bottle and glasses, then they both downed a couple of very large ones before proceeding.

“Okay, let’s take his trousers off and I’ll get to work.” said Janice.

Between them they unzipped his trousers and removed his dingy looking underpants, both exclaiming their disgust at his wrinkled penis and shrivelled scrotum in unison.

“Right, you hold his balls taut,” said Janice.

“Get lost! You’re the nurse around here, you’re used to touching old men’s willies and stuff. I’d rather give blow jobs to lepers than touch that smelly looking thing!”

They both collapsed in fits of nervous giggles at that point, the brandy had gone straight to their heads.

“Now, come on.” said Janice, trying to put on a serious face. “We haven’t much time before he starts to come round, here put these on,” she said, handing Suzie a pair of surgical gloves.

Suzie closed her eyes and held the wrinkly scrotum sack taut, her face in a grimace as Janice sliced through the top with a scalpel.

“Have you done it yet?”

“Just a few stitches and we’re almost there,” Janice said, securing the sutures and putting on a thick wad of dressings. “There, he’s all fixed, you can open your eyes now.”

Suzie gingerly opened her eyes and promptly screamed when she saw a pair of balls with a few straggly grey pubes attached to them nestled in the palm of her hand. She quickly placed them in a plastic bag and pushed them into his trouser pocket, retching as she did so. Once they’d replaced his clothes, they dragged him downstairs to the main entrance and under the cover of darkness, carried him to the park just over the road, leaving him in some bushes.

“That’s sorted that little perv out,” said Janice, dusting her hands together and blowing on her nails. “I don’t think you’ll get any more trouble out of him.”

“I wish I could see his face when he wakes up to find his bollocks in his pocket, that’ll teach him to mess with the big girls hey?”

They both laughed hysterically at this thought, the seriousness if their actions had been numbed somewhat by the brandy.

Feeling really pleased with themselves, they skipped back to the flat. They were just on their second bottle of wine when Martin came home.

“Sorry I’m so late love,” he said, kissing Suzie on the cheek and pouring himself a beer. “It looks as if you’ve been enjoying yourselves anyway,” he said, eyeing the empty wine bottles.

“Oh we have that alright.” The girls looked at each other and suppressed the hysterical laughter that again bubbled in their throats.

“Oh, did old Ron call round to quote us for decorating the bedroom? I forgot to tell you luv, said he’d call in about seven.”

Just then the phone rang.

“Suzie… pant…pant.. “

Suzie slammed the phone down, a look of sheer horror on her face.

“That was ‘him’ again wasn’t it,” said Martin. “Good on yer girl, yes just slam the phone down from now on, he’ll soon give it up. If you’d done that from the start I doubt he’d still be calling now.”