|
By tat_2man
|
|
30 May 2007 |
I was teaching my nephew how to shoot a rifle this weekend and this poem sort of formed then.
Slowly the big buck stepped from his covered surroundings.
His senses attuned to any sign of intruders he slowly walked forward.
The smell apples enticed him with every step.
His hide fairly trembled and his muscles quavered.
Slowly his head lifted towards the baited branch and a shot rang out.
The buck startled ran back towards safety but it was too late.
His life’s blood ran to the ground and he slowly sank to the ground.
My Uncle clapped me on the shoulder with a smile and walked torwards my first kill.
Slowly I lowered the rifle with an empty heart. |
Written by Phil (6393 comments posted) 30th May 2007 | Interesting piece - and one, I suspect, that may cause a few eyebrows to be raised. Hunting is a pretty emotive subject over here - perhaps it is in the US too.
Some good ideas. A few commas missing and a couple of typos though.
Phil | I like to open discussions...
Written by tat_2man (56 comments posted) 30th May 2007 | and to tell the truth I am not much of a hunter. I have tried to hunt and I could not do it. I would rather shoot them with a camera then a gun myself. I have a lot of hunters in the family and I have nothing against it it's just not for me.
Punctuation is my weakness so if you could point out what was wrong it would be appreciated. 
All critiques are welcome with me. | The deer
Written by CliffBowes (176 comments posted) 31st May 2007 |
Why would you want to teach the kid to shoot rifles?
Still I suppose killing animals for fun is better than killing schoolkids for the same reason. Thus saying, I liked the poem, it is extremely well written and conjures up the child’s repulsion of killing something for 'pleasure'.
Cliff
| I teach respect not violence....
Written by tat_2man (56 comments posted) 31st May 2007 | | I am showing him guns are not toys. He does not have any guns I have them and I keep them locked up. I have also taught him to respect other living things which seems to be something that is not taught very much anymore. I have had a gun stuck in my face and I do not blame the gun I blame the person behind the gun. Now as far as killing something for fun that I do not do unless you consider shooting a paper target murder. | The deer
Written by CliffBowes (176 comments posted) 1st June 2007 | The killing for pleasure reference was to the lines of the poem and the killing of the buck. I have no doubt that you are a responsible adult with regards to shooting rifles
No, I do not regard shooting at paper targets murder. I also don't understand the gun culture, where one needs to own weapons. But that is just me I suppose. I realise that things are different in the US to the UK. |
Written by ellyb39 (79 comments posted) 7th June 2007 | As far as the poem goes, rather than the moral issues, the images were clear. The phrase 'empty heart' at the end tied the poem together. Should it be the smell of apples? or is this something to do with hunting? I like the use of quavered rather than quivered.
I am with the others, cannot really understand why anyone would want to teach a child about death. elly |
Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register. Powered by AkoComment 2.0! |
Previous item
