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Poetry
spring
By wiccan
30 May 2007
            
                                        SPRING


The month of June and oh how soon it all begins again
Glistening leaves on all the trees replenished by crystal rain.
It falls from the skies as the Gods blink their eyes
and absorbed by the luscious green earth.
and the clusters of flowers all dance in the showers as they celebrate life and rebirth.

In the midst of the morn a lamb has been born and instinctively tries to arise
but then clumsily falls and pitifully calls to his mum with the bleat of his cries
As she comes to his aide he's not so afraid and again now with all of his might
He gets to his feet so feeble and weak, it is such a beautiful sight.

The birds sing thier song as dawn comes along with a joy in thier heart you can hear
A beautiful way to start the new day and new hope for the forthcoming year
As the clouds all move on now that Winter has gone it's a time to give all living things
The help to survive as we open our eyes and thank God for this beautiful Spring.


 

Reviews
Spring
Written by Josie (2496 comments posted) 30th May 2007
A good subject for a poem - but I think that the new lambs were born earlier in the year. I think we are moving towards summer now. However, to your poem: The rhythm of the poem seemed to improve in the second and third verse, but the first verse needs working on. I would suggest that you break the lines up. Perhaps you could start off with something like this (but not necessarily the same): 
 
June days have arrived, tender plants have survived  
And new life has arrived yet again. 
The glistening leaves, on the tall woodland trees,  
Have been washed by the soft summer rain. 
 
You have four beats in first line, three in second, four in third and finishing with three. Clap your hands as you read it and you will see what I mean. Hope this helps.

Written by CliffBowes (176 comments posted) 31st May 2007
Whilst agreeing with Josie on most of her points I still think this is an excellent poem about the rebirth of nature. A celebration of the planting and fertility. Cleaning away the dreck of the Winter, and relighting the home fires. Celebration of the Goddess in this the time of Beltane. I think that May would be a better month to start the poem with, as June is a bit late for lambing - even up here in the Dales. 
A couple of spellings: 
verse 2 Aide = Aid 
verse 3 thier = their 
Good luck with the violin. 
Blessed be 
Cliff

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