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Poetry


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Siren Song

By tartqueen

26 July 2005

This poem was written as part of an exercise for a creative writing course.

The sea flows like fire,

The wind blows through my hair.

Give me my desire.

The sun burns like a pyre

As I consume him unresistingly.

The sea flows like fire.

I sing like a choir

While I feed upon his flesh.

Give me my desire.

I am a sea-going vampire

Sated by blood and sex.

Give me my desire.#

The sailors soon expire

And I move on to the next.

The sea flows like fire.

Give me my desire.

Reviews

Written by alandavidpritchard (59 comments posted) 27th July 2005

the chant-like hynotic allure of this poem lies in its tight control of rhythm and pace; the imagery of consumption is simple but highly effective. I enjoyed this much.

Cleanly done...
Written by JJ (14 comments posted) 27th July 2005

I always read poetry out loud as it’s far easier to find the words that pull you up. I had trouble with ‘unresistingly’ here. I liked the rhythm of the work, otherwise. I do think you have room to expand it a little--a few more verses, perhaps, to explore the subject a little deeper. I wonder too, if you might have left out the statement: ‘I am a sea going vampire’. I think I'd rather have guessed that for myself ('show' not 'tell.' and all that). I feel leaving this explanation out would add more mystery and darkness to the piece and make the reader work a little harder--not always a bad thing!!

Otherwise, good stuff, simply and cleanly done.

I wish I was a poet
Written by cynicsid (177 comments posted) 31st July 2005

Love your disregard for form when it suits your purpose i.e (beats)
5/6/5
5/9/5
5/7/5
5/8/5
6/7/5
5

I really enjoy it.

me too...
Written by no1butClo (339 comments posted) 1st June 2006

Brilliant, my favourite part "the sea flows like a fire" - so effective. And the song-like quality is perfect.

x clo x

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