Quicklinks:
Short S. | Poetry | Not News | Scripts | Comedy | Non-Fiction | SF | Crime | For Kids | Extended | Village
Great Writing - Home > Poetry > Freedom
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1975 guests online and 5 members online
Poetry
print friendly version     
Freedom
By Superbox
05 June 2007
This is a poem being entered into a competition.Thought I would get a second opinion from you guys.

I'm chained to a post,neglected and mislead
Cold cell floor for a prison bed.
Then I see the light,the one that searches for prisoners that get free,
I'll be like them I'll be me.

I run and run,the dogs don't catch me,
bullets shower but they don't hit me,
I leave this disturbing live behind,
but a with my record new prospects are hard to find.

I taste the dew in the long grass,
I no longer need to run to fast,
I see a blue sky I haven't seen before,
then I faint and fall to the floor.

I wake up in a hospital,a throbbing in my head,
people must love me there are flowers by the bed.
So as I look back on my life,and smell the cleaning fluid,I think,I'm free.

I can enjoy life's pleasures,and live to ninety,shows you there's a point in fighting.
I can live with others,I can be me.

All because I am free.

Reviews

Written by Fledermaus (3307 comments posted) 5th June 2007
A good poem. You cheated a little with the rhyme and the lines seem to have very different numbers of syllables, but it was enjoyable to read.

Written by stevetroster (1549 comments posted) 5th June 2007
It will do you no harm to enter competitions, just don't get your hopes up. 
 
I'm chained to a post,(space)neglected and mislead (by whom?) 
Cold cell floor for a prison bed. 
Then I see the light, (space)the one that searches for prisoners that get free, 
I'll be like them I'll be me. 
I run and run,(space)the dogs don't catch me,(how did he unchain himself from the post?) 
bullets shower but they don't hit me, 
I leave this disturbing live(life) behind, 
but (a - superfluous)with my record new prospects are hard to find. 
I taste the dew in the long grass, 
I no longer need to run to(too) fast, 
I see a blue sky I haven't seen before, 
then I faint and fall to the floor. 
I wake up in a hospital,(space)a throbbing in my head, 
people must love me there are flowers by the bed. 
So as I look back on my life,and smell the cleaning fluid,(space)I think,(space)I'm free. 
I can enjoy life's pleasures,(space)and live to ninety,(space)shows you there's a point in fighting. 
I can live with others,(space)I can be me. 
All because I am free. 
 
So any escaped prisoners who make it to hospital are immediately granted amnesty? 

Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 5th June 2007
I was going to do the spags in this for you, but Steve has already done it. Good luck with the comp. 
 
Phil.

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!
 Previous item   Next item
This site is copyright 2005 - 2007 Great Writing. Work submitted by members remains the copyright of the respective authors.
See our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.