Who'd have thought there'd be so much fat? And so greasy. It took seventeen bottles of Fairy Liquid just to clean up afterwards. And thank goodness for Kitchen Devils - they always stay sharp.
 
Anyway, job done and no trace left. Shame really. It didn't really go according to plan. Clever move though; joining that creative writing site. Loads of ideas from those guys. Mostly useless, of course, but they have imagination that's for sure. Merge a couple of ideas, refine a little, and hey presto, bye-bye body. I'd have liked it to be the first in a series. But it was a bit of a mess really.
 
Perfect disposal plan now. As Sarah Beeny says, (and wouldn't I like to bump into her), location, location, location.  I’ve bought a stable block and some pasture land in the middle of nowhere. Running water and a nice little well, dry and about 100 feet deep. I can certainly drop a few bodies down there and no mistake. “Come and see my horses, ladies”. Who could resist? And if they do? GHB and a white transit van. How anonymous is that?
 
Now for a theme. You have to have a theme. All serial killers in the movies, on TV, and in thrillers have a theme. The Seven Deadly Sins, Dante's Inferno, Grimm's Folk Tales, the Deaths of the Apostles, the biblical plagues of Egypt. They've all been done. Vincent Price had a smashing theme in "Theatre of Blood".
 
I've simply got to have a theme.
 
It's so difficult. I want to start straight away but with a theme it would be so much more fun. In between victims I can watch the press until, eventually, it becomes obvious and they'll try to second guess me.
 
So a theme. Simpson’s characters who have died? Not really enough of them. Bleeding Gums Murphy? Dr. Marvin Munroe?  Definitely not, I only want girls.
 
Common names of flowers? No. How the hell are you going to find girls called Rose or Violet unless you go on a Saga holiday?
 
Dwarves! Kill a grumpy girl, a dopey girl, a sleepy girl, a doctor, and so on. Do you really want to limit yourself to seven?
 
Horsemen of the Apocalypse? Just concentrate!!!
 
Letters of the Alphabet? One called Ann, the next Beatrice, then Carol etc etc. Who dun it? Agatha Christie that’s who. The ABC murders.
 
The police won’t find the bodies so the theme must be in the selection and not the murder itself. So, something religious or really vague.
 
I’ve got it. Nursery rhymes. There are loads. I’ll follow a Nursery Rhyme theme and if the press or the police are really clever, (if only), the theme will point them directly to where the bodies are. Brilliant.
 
Now to find a shepherdess, a hill climber called Jill, a gardener called Mary. Here we go gathering girls in May…

Ding, dong dell. Tee Hee!