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Diary of a Wannabe. Part 3

By wltshr

07 June 2007

At last. The new instalment. (Does anyone prefer the new title?)

Such a squealer! She sounded like a cross between a small pig and a Swiss yodeling competition. I'm sure sometimes she could only be heard by dogs and passing bats. Great fun and so exciting while she lasted but I must do something about the noise. I don’t want some nosey rambler down the lane to hear something he shouldn’t. I quite like it here. It’s good to have a place that works. Loft insulation ought to soundproof it but it might make it too hot and uncomfortable. I do like to be comfy. I shall have to do some research.

This is such a lark and so easy. If I'd known it would be this easy and so much fun I'd have started ages ago. I really don't know why I didn't.

It's strange. I'm sure everyone wonders, sometimes, what it feels like to kill somebody. They probably just don't have the strength of conviction, or the brains, to see it though. Well, let me tell you, it feels great! So great, in fact, you can't help wanting to do it over and over. Funny really, the killing bit's an anti climax. (You'd have to be really sick to climax then. Ha, ha). No. It's what comes before that gets you. The selection. The planning. The.... (Ha! Nearly said "The Execution") But no, it's the bit after the planning, and the capture, and way before the execution that I like most. That's the climax for me. (And more than once!)

They just haven’t got a clue. The telly, the newspapers and the police; they’re all as dumb as a bag of spanners. Not a clue. It was a bloody waste of time spending so long thinking out a theme when they can’t put two and two together.

First off, a lesbian into S&M called Georgina. Dead easy she was: off t’internet, as Peter Kay would say. When she heard about my little playroom and the poor defenceless lamb I told her I was holding there. (Ooh! You’re such a fibber!) She couldn’t wait to come visit for the weekend. A bit backward in coming forwards until I told her I only wanted to watch, and then she was dead keen. Hee, hee.

Followed closely by young Polly from the café. Do you like horses? Do you ride? So easy. “My Mum will worry that I don’t really know you.” “ She sounds a very sensible woman. Don’t worry, I’m sure your Mum knows loads of people with horses you can learn to ride on!” “Well, I could tell her I’m going to the pictures with Sally. What do you think?” “If you’re sure. I’ll make sure you get back in plenty of time. Oh, do you think Sally would like to come too?” She didn’t want Sally to come. (Wouldn’t it have been just perfect if her friend had been called Sukie?) So Sally didn’t come. I’m fairly sure Polly didn’t. But I did.

I wonder if I should have taken trophies? Jack the Ripper and Ed Gein did. How many movies have been based on those two? Fred West did, and he was probably the most successful in Britain. You can’t count Shipman. He was playing a different game altogether. I wonder what Fred did with all the fingers and toes. He must have had something in his head; apart from that metal plate, of course. There was plenty of room; he was hardly the sharpest knife in the drawer.

It doesn’t matter about trophies. They never come to light until you’ve been caught or the bodies have been found, and I’ve no intention of either of those happening.

That well is deeper than I thought. I’d nearly counted to three hippopotamuses before Georgina went crump. Funny noise. Still, the sound Polly made when she hit bottom was a bit different. I wonder if she did? Hit bottom, I mean, what with Georgina waiting for her.

Come on guys. It’s not difficult. It’s just Nursery Rhymes. Surely even you can spot that. And you’d better come up with a good nickname.

I’m really looking forward to watching the blubby Mum appeals on telly. It’s the Dads I feel sorry for. Sitting next to the missus with the whole world convinced that Dad did it. Not this time, he didn’t!

Oh well. Let’s go get the next one.

Reviews

Written by Lizzy (781 comments posted) 7th June 2007

Just read it all through, parts one and two for the second time. I like this next installment,very gruesome but without too many details, lots left to the imagination.
I likke the new title and am looking forward to the next part.
Lizzy

Written by philkent (157 comments posted) 7th June 2007

This is very macabre but with a touch of dark humour. As has been said you gave just enough information without becoming too graphic.

It was an interesting exploration of how his mind works, even rationalises his actions.

Written by stevetroster (1398 comments posted) 7th June 2007

Yes, still very enjoyable, but i'm obviously as thick as a copper cause who the hell is Georgina?
No wonder they can't work it out!!
If you'd stuck with Mary, Bo, Jill, etc, the poor plod might have a chance. Even my daughter couldn't work out Georgina and she reads nursery rhymes for England!!Something tells me that you don't want them to work it out.
Get real psycho, there's no point in leaving clues if you're the only one who gets them.
Oh, hang on, i've just twigged, Georgina and Polly, it's the two tarts from that make-over show!!!
You're not doing nursery rhymes at all are you???
Hint, hint, perhaps you should switch narrative at some point and do the police side of the story.
Just a thought.
Best wishes
Steve.

Written by wltshr (300 comments posted) 8th June 2007

Lizzie: I'm glad you're enjoying it. Part 2 got so few reads and reviews I was rather wondering whether I was wasting my time with a Part 3.

PhilK: Thanks for taking the time and trouble. Macabre is my middle name. (Well, it's John, actually, but that seems a little boring by comparison).

Steve: I can never tell whether your comments are made with your tongue firmly wedged in your cheek or not. Read the first two lines of Georgy Porgy for the Georgina link, and Polly from the cafe? Where she puts the kettle on? (Sukie, of course, took it off again).

I must admit I wish I'd never started this whole nursery rhyme theme but, having decided to target ladies only, I thought of the last line for part 2 and liked it so much I had no choice but to run with it.

I am almost ready to bring in the police. But not quite yet.

Best

Wltshr

Written by stevetroster (1398 comments posted) 8th June 2007

Dear wilts, where I put my tongue is my business.

Of course I got Polly put the kettle on, tch, it was Georgina Porgina that threw me.

Georgie Porgie pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry
When the boys came out to play,
Georgie Porgie ran away.

Isn’t that about a boy?

I still feel that you need to introduce some thick plod into the story. I imagine the C.I.D. knob from Thin Blue Line.

“Right, so, we’ve got some arty farty, namby pamby Kellogg’s cornflake of a serial killer running around kidnapping tottie. What’s his M.O. though?
Let’s have a look at the names of the missing skirt again, Georgina and Polly, G, P?
Would you bloody Adam and Eve it! It’s staring us in the face, G.P, it’s a bloody doctor!
Right, Pratt, I want you to round up every quack in the pond, leave no stone unrolled.
Yes, I know it’s not going to be easy but the lives of totties are at stake.
Right, get me Scotland Yard and a packet of hobnobs, we could be in for a long night.”

Keep up the good work.
Best wishes and no Frenching,
Steve.

Written by Phil (6383 comments posted) 21st June 2007

Enjoyed this. Steve has a point. If this going to go on for several chapters, you're going to need a change of perspective and a little dialogue too perhaps.

Phil

Man...
Written by Dark_Angel (53 comments posted) 19th September 2007

I'm fucking loving this!

I love how this guy's head works... he acts like all of us think. It's so cool lol.

I can't wait to read 4!

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