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Shorts
Death Drinks Rum n' Coke
By TallTaler24
07 June 2007
This was a recent assignment I created for creative writing class. We were to write a dialogue between 2 people who would normally avoid eachother.


“I don’t think I’m the man you’re looking for,” said Jerry, swinging the bar stool around to greet the confused face staring back at him, “my name is Jerry Charleston.”
“Oh,” said the man, “not Peter?”
“Sorry.”
There was a moment of awkward silence. The tall stranger looked around the local pub, still keeping close to Jerry’s chair. He smiled warmly.

 He leaned over to Jerry’s ear, “Then I’m not supposed to be seen by you yet.”
“Oh, no? Well, why don’t you have a seat, and I’ll do my best to look the other way.” Jerry winked and chuckled. The third beer of the night improved his humour, or at least his self-appreciation for it. No reaction came from the composed man, other than checking his watch.

“I suppose I have a little bit of time.” He took a seat on the end stool next to Jerry and started picking at his cuticles. Jerry noticed the restless behaviour.


 “Looks like you need to chill out. You’re all fidgety-like. What are you having?”

“Rum and coke, please. With lime.” The stranger stopped picking and folded his arms over the bar table.


“Cindy, get this man a drink, will you? He’s starting to make me feel sober.” A woman behind the bar smiled and reached for a tumbler. Jerry turned back toward his new friend.
“What’s your name?”
“Death.”
“Dell?”
“No. Death. I’m waiting for Peter.”


      The corner of the bar that hosted the newly introduced couple fell silent amidst the crowded room. Jerry’s partner resumed grooming his cuticles. Cindy placed a coaster down in front of him, followed by the fizzy drink. The stone face gave her a nod. Put it on the tab. The lime was casually squeezed into the glass, and mixed with a thin black straw. Jerry’s beer seemed to drink itself to emptiness. Minutes passed.


 “I’ve spent my life avoiding you.” started Jerry slowly, his voice seemingly sober.
"
I’ve spent your life avoiding you, too.”
“And here we are. I thought this would be more… I don’t know, terrifying.”
"People only fear the idea of me. As you see, I’m not as scary as one might think.”
“ ‘Men fear Death, as children fear to go in the dark; and as that natural fear in children is increased with tales, so is the other.’ ” recited Jerry.
“Francis Bacon.”
“Very good.”
He shrugged, “I try to keep up-to-date with stories about me. Wouldn’t you?”
“I suppose so. Not many stories written about me though.”
“ ‘Fame means millions of people have the wrong idea of who you are.’ ”
“I don’t know that one.”
“Erica Jong. 1942.”
“Right. The feminist.”
Jerry looked at him from the corner of his eye, momentarily analyzing the mysterious man. He wore dark jeans and a green sweatshirt. His hair was curly. He smelled of gasoline.

“You’re not dressed for the part of taking someone’s life.”
“How should one dress for such an occasion, you think?”
“Oh, you know. The scythe, black hood, robe – the works. It gives a better impression. Shows them you’re serious.”
“People have surprisingly little interest in how I dress when their life is at stake. Besides, I’d never be able to order a drink wearing those things.”
“Want another?”
“I’m good, thanks. You go ahead.”
“Cindy…” Jerry lifted his empty pint, and tipped it slightly toward her. She nodded, picking up a freshly washed glass.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“Watching people die on a regular basis, you must have a pretty good sense of the best way to go.”
“Are you asking me for advice on how to die?”
“I just thought it would be a good idea to ask the expert.”
“In my experience, Jerry, the happiest souls are those who leave this world in peace.”
“Doesn’t everybody?”
Death gravely shook his head, ending the conversation. Jerry took large gulps of beer until it was finished, and then quietly spoke again.

“My name’s not Jerry.”
“I know.”
“It’s Peter.”
“I know.” He checked his watch again. “You ready?”
“Yeah…Hey, this will make a pretty good story about me, huh?”
“Definitely. I’ll make sure of it.”

Reviews

Written by Phil (6997 comments posted) 8th June 2007
Really enjoyed this. Something strangely beguiling about it. Gentle, amusing, avoids being dark, even considering the content.  
 
Good stuff. 
 
You might want to repost this in short stories where it belongs. Just go to 'View my existing work', select this piece and change the forum from the drop down menu, then resave. 
 
Welcome to GW. 
 
Phil.
Great story
Written by Asferthecat (859 comments posted) 9th June 2007
I didn't see the twist coming. I really enjoyed this. We have had alot of death stories recently but this is right up there among the best. 
I like the idea of death as just another person.

Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 9th June 2007
Very much enjoyed this story, good pace, good ending. 
You could tidy up the flow a tad, for instance: 
'He smiled warmly. 
He leaned over to Jerry’s ear.' 
 
He smiled warmly and leaned over to whisper in Jerry's ear. 
 
Minor issues in a major work. 
 
Best wishes and welcome. 
Steve.
Love it
Written by dante8 (9 comments posted) 13th June 2007
Fantastic twist. Never saw it coming. 
Like Steve says, minor bitty things but overall, very awesome. 

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