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Poetry
Goodbye, Heartbreaker
By uche
11 June 2007
sometimes the idea of love overwhelms every reason and we assume life is ll love


you came, billowing pleasant kisses into my face,
spliced my soul with rhapsody of streams,
saturated my mind with fancies of gold;


I flip-flopped
in the whirl of romance,
ripping up roots of reason;


I stood on a cloud,
winds lapped my feet,
sated on delicacies of pleasure.


I tore open the box of gift,
the lightning strike of a serpent ,
I bled in tears –


a sudden realization of life’s miry bogs,
the guile behind the mask of a face,
goodbye, heartbreaker.

Reviews

Written by stevetroster (1398 comments posted) 12th June 2007
This worked well for me except: 'I tore open the box of gift' 
 
Box of 'singular' doesn't sit very well. 
Box of gifts? 
Gift box? 
As it's all billowing clouds and lightning, perhaps; 
'I tore rainbow foil from a gift box' 
'I tore rainbow paper from a gift box' 
'I tore rainbows from a gift box' 
Who knows? Not I. 
 
Best wishes 
Steve.
thanks
Written by uche (44 comments posted) 12th June 2007
hi steve 
that's a good observation 
will reflect accordingly 
thanks

Written by Matlock (2 comments posted) 15th June 2007
the title could be reviewed instead of the straight forward title, why not something catchy. 
 
the emotion is not in doubt 
 
All the same its ok for a piece

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