Not too sure how long this took me as it was done between lunch and painting a fence - but I reckon about 45 minutes!
Beth caught up with Joe at the side of his battered old truck.
`The man on the wireless said it could blow at any time. We really ought to pack
a few things an` head on outa` here.`
Joe dabbed irritably at the sweat clinging to his grubby neck.
`Hell Beth that mountain ain`t spat in anger in more`an two hundred year an`
I`m sure as shit it ain`t gonna start now.`
`But the man on the radio-
`Radio!` Joe snapped, tossing a spade and a roll of fencing wire into the back of
the truck `You believe everythin` you hear on that new fangled gadget. I`m sorry as
I ever brung it home now, screachin` out all that heathen music day an` night`.
Beth smiled thinly. `But he was one a` them..what ya` call `em..experts on
volcanoes.`
`Shit Beth, everyone thinks they is an expert on somethin` nowadays. Well let me
tell you gal I don`t buy none a` their crap. Now if you don`t mind I got a hundred
yards a` fencin` needs repairin`.
`But I was talkin` to Efram up on Gunner`s Ridge Joe,` Beth continued, her face
crinkling in disgust as she caught her husband`s whisky-laden breath. `He said he
seen what looked like smoke comin` out of Old Pinnacle day `afor yesterday. Says
he ain`t seen nothin` like it all the time he`s lived up here.`
`Efram ain`t got no more brains than these here fence posts,` Joe said, a gob of
spit hissing in the dusty soil.` Why you give the old fool the time `a day beats me.`
`Cos he was good to us when we first moved in here that`s why,` Beth replied. `An
he also swore there were fire a` comin` out of the mountain too. Please Joe, I`m
frightened.`
`Old fool`s bin at the moonshine more like,` Joe snorted, moving to the front of
his truck. `Look, there ain`t gonna be no..what you call it..eruption. Scaremongerin`,
that`s all it is. Them city slickers would just love to have us move outa` here so they
can take our piece a` sod an` put up their fancy houses an` make themselves a
mint a` money. Well it ain`t gonna` happen gal, so you just get back in the house
an` do me some vitals an` let`s hear no more about stupid volcanoes.`
Beth reluctantly made her way back to the house. She paused as she neared the
ramshackled porch, her listless eyes taking in the missing shingles and the chimney
stack that for years had looked as if it was about to crash through the flimsy roof.
Joe had been so full of promises when they`d married. Good looking and full of
ideas, he was going to take her away from the mountains, give her an easier, better
life somewhere down there in the misty valleys. But like most of the menfolk the hill
life had proved too strong a pull. Eventually she had come to accept her lot in life.
Perhaps if she`d had children it would have been more bearable, but here too Joe
had been found wanting. What was it Old Mother Carter called him..a poppy without a
seed head...
She made up the thick doughy rolls and took them out to her waiting man. She
watched as he drove off into the rising sun and then slowly made her way back to
the place she knew now she would never leave. As she reached the rickety porch
steps she paused, and for one glorious moment she imagined the ground beneath
her feet begin to move....
|
Written by Fledermaus (3448 comments posted) 13th June 2007 |
| Haha... What a moment of glory. A good one. Just curious about the accent. "feckin'" suggests Ireland, or do they say that in England as well? |
Hi Woody Written by jean.day (2326 comments posted) 13th June 2007 |
| Good story. And probably pretty realistic. You kept our interest, and it doesn't really matter whether we know if they survived or not. Well, I guess I hope she does - but I don't worry too much about him. |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3446 comments posted) 13th June 2007 |
Wow ,we're deep in red-neck country here. I got the feeling it was mid 20th century with radios being new-fangled [my spell checker demands a hyphen] I bet Joe's dad was called Bubba and he looked at the world through rifle sights. You paint such a vivid picture of life with hardly any description. I think it's the power of your dialogue which really jumped off the. It also told us all we needed to know about their relationship. There was a grim inevitability about this but you spun it all round and turned it on it's head with one word "glorious" That was a masterstoke and made the tale something else indeed cheers Jane |
Written by Janie (265 comments posted) 13th June 2007 |
fantastic dialogue in this..i could hear their voices...a bit like the hill billies as BBS said i had a full picture of the scene which you effortlessly portrayed in minimun description...great stuff! |
Thank ye all! Written by woody44 (777 comments posted) 14th June 2007 |
Fled - Thanks for your crit. Looking at the piece again I guess you must have got my `fencin` mixed up with your `feckin.` Jane- Thanks. I ain`t never been no further west than Angelsey so I hope the accents sounded FAIRLY authentic. Will reply to your PM shortly. Jean. Hope your book is still selling well. My eighty-six year old mother is reading it at the moment- and thoroughly enjoying it. Janie - I just thought of the Walton`s and then downgraded them! Thanks. |
Written by Phil (6838 comments posted) 14th June 2007 |
A good, short tale with a good ending. As mentioned, dialogue effective and helps create two characters pretty quickly but with some depth. Phil |
Attrition Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 14th June 2007 |
Lovely Roger. Keep banging them out. Its only a matter of time and attrition. Best wishes, Gerard. |
Written by woody44 (777 comments posted) 14th June 2007 |
Thanks Gerard. This is the year Jane and I have decided we`re going to break into the big time.... All the best Woody |
Written by Livinginanattic (466 comments posted) 14th June 2007 |
Really enjoyed this, I don't know how you can do this in 45 minutes. The tension between the characters really made this piece, and as has been said you paint a very vivid picture. Cheers. |
How long is a piece of string.. Written by woody44 (777 comments posted) 15th June 2007 |
Thanks Living. I suppose it`s difficult to quantify what constitutes writing something in 45 minutes. Does one take into account thinking time..going back and tweaking..stopping for lunch and painting a fence! But as a whole I would say the actual writing took about 45 minutes - give or take the odd five minutes! happy writing Woody |
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 15th June 2007 |
It's all been said really. Very accomplished piece with some cracking dialogue. Enjoyed it very much. 'A poppy without a seedhead' - that made me giggle! Cheers, Elli |
Written by coosh (888 comments posted) 15th June 2007 |
Great the way that the style seems so simple but at the same time triggers off a host of engaging themes... as with 'Survival'... Whilst it works fine as a short story, I also had the image of it as a start to something more extended - one of those films, where an unknown (but highly attractive) lawyer defends the community against some negligent government or ruthless multinational - in fact, as I recall, few years back in the Cameroon, some company dumped a stack of highly toxic waste in a hitherto dormant volcano, and set the whole thing off. Thoroughly enjoyable, as ever, Woody... given the size of Woodcock Mansions, I assume painting the perimeter requires the skilled operation of heavy machinery.. good luck in your efforts, in both respects... |
Dream on... Written by woody44 (777 comments posted) 16th June 2007 |
Thanks Phil, Elli and Coosh for your comments. I like the idea of a blockbuster film David, then I really would be able to live in Woodcock Mansions....and employ a little man to paint this damn fence! Again, thanks all Woody |
Written by Lizzy (822 comments posted) 19th June 2007 |
Well written and interest kept throughout. Liked how you developed the characters with economy of words. Works as a story on its own but can't help but wonder what will happen. Lizzy |
Written by woody44 (777 comments posted) 20th June 2007 |
Thanks Lizzie. A sequel maybe? Woody |
Whoops! Written by woody44 (777 comments posted) 20th June 2007 |
| Sorry, Lizzy |
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