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Whitfield & Hunniford - "Axis of Evil" |
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By Talisker
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14 June 2007 |
We may cherish fond memories of them in their former careers. Each has attained the status of “national treasure” here in the UK. How could we have suspected them of running a criminal empire, fleecing pensioners of their life savings, racketeering, brutally disposing of anyone who came close to exposing their vile deeds. June (The Boss) Whitfield charmed us in Terry & June, Gloria (Knuckles) Hunniford presented syrupy “Songs of Praise”, the Eurovision Song Contest and Holiday – what perfect innocent fronts to conceal their wicked intent! Police have revealed how the tentacles of their vast criminal network extended to leafleting the entire UK with chairlift, adjust-o-matic bed and “Over 50s – No Medical GUARANTEED Insurance” scams. Incredibly, the wealth they managed to cream from innocent, gullible pensioners, even stretched to funding countless satellite TV advertisements – further enhancing their evil and false credibility.
We can only guess how many old crones have been left, weeping, half way up their stairs, waiting in vain for the delivery of a non-existent stair lift. How many old duffers have dissolved in cold baths, waiting for the special crane type thing which could have lifted them out and saved them. How many wrinklies have perished and been buried in a cardboard box, amongst the cat poo in their garden, because their funeral policy failed to pay out!
It is scant consolation that these evil witches and their wicked accomplices – Peter (Puncha) Purves, Felicity (Foxy) Kendall and Judith (Charmer) Chalmers - will spend the rest of their days painting old folks homes, emptying commodes and laundering shitty incontinence pants.
Source: Bloomin-nonsense
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Written by Phil (6393 comments posted) 14th June 2007 | I think you've posted in the wrong forum Oli - should be in Not News?
When Thora Hird went up the great stairlift to heaven she left the market wide open for all these fly-by-nights. Still, keeps the old gits in Fishermans' Friends and incontinence pants. How old are the pair of them now anyway?
Enjoyed,
Phil | How old?
Written by Talisker (1300 comments posted) 14th June 2007 | Need to subject them to dendrochronology to find that out Phil, or perhaps even carbon dating!
Thanks, and yes this one had the wanderlust - every correction I save it accidentally in the wrong place! Perhaps I'm getting doddery myself!
Oli |
Written by coosh (822 comments posted) 14th June 2007 | | I think Margo MacDonald has been slowly dissolving over the last ten years, along with her career - must be the cold baths... then again, in Glasgow these days, if you reach 60 you get a telegram from the Queen. Much enjoyed, Oli... maybe "Syrupy Songs of Praise" should be its official title.. | Next at the Ceckout, please...
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 14th June 2007 | Hello Oli.
Just something a tad off centre for comedy, Ol'Celt. Too much business? Know what I mean? But very amusing nonetheless. Hey! Whose countin'! Most couldn't tell th' difference f' th' Blue Peter Book o' Pop Up Gags.
I continue to hold that if you have a itch up th' crack o' your arse, better scratch it in verse-- where you are matchless--rather than in prose, wherein you have a tendacy t' th' long winded.
My compliments t' th' late Jack Cohen, your employer, and t' you, the most accomplished wordsmith I have come across on this site!
C'm on!! Where's the big ballad..........? Tam o' Shanter's over two hundred years old!!?
Slan! | Yes dear Gerard...
Written by Talisker (1300 comments posted) 14th June 2007 | You are very correct, this is not my best genre - and you couch your disapprobation in such a nice way...
Tam o' Shanter over 200? Great googley moogley! Mind, your getting no younger yourself Connolly - and your younger brother James, shot in his chair all those year ago...
Feasgar mhath!
Oli |
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 15th June 2007 | Liked the last paragraph of this - what a beautiful image! Wonderfully weird 
Elli |
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