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Poetry
[untitled - 'snapshot'?]
By no1butClo
18 June 2007
Another 'him 'n' her' type thing, but different, I hope.

Reckon I could lost one of these stanzas... guess which?

They lie there, not quite entwined
in something not quite real. Blue
eyes seem to scan, like lines,
the face accross the pillow.

"Penny for 'em?"

She does not flinch,
but fires back the usual words
with keen-edged grace, 
cutting enough to make her wish
she'd made him wait.

Squirming now, she fidgets,
and he for all the while is still,
following each evasive movement
from above her labyrinth
of paths already trodden.

Her words a shadow-puppetry
of what his life had been, seen,
behind his soft, round eyes
in black and white;

she would have to colour in his dreams.

Reviews
Interesting, Chloe...
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 19th June 2007
but impenetrable for a 41 y/o bloke unused to such exchanges.  
 
I think that you write very well, with a very distinct style - but to connect, one would have to be of a similar age and going through these early relationship gymnastics! 
 
Oli 
 
:)  

Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 21st June 2007
I think I'm of a similar age but I too find it difficult to understand this piece. I agree with Oli in that it's your usual lovely style and has some interesting ideas in it (I particularly like the last line) but there's a lack of cohesion between those ideas. You might have to drop your readers a line Clo!

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