Prison is not an option. Apart from anything else I can`t stand tiny rooms you see.

Never have since being brought up in a shoe box in one of those soulless high-rise

flats. Anyway back to the prison. It will be life, minimum twenty years for what I have

planned. I`m sixty-three so where`s the percentage. It`ll mean going on the run of

course, but I`ve got that all sorted. Quick dash up the motorway, plane to...no, that

would be telling now wouldn`t it.  Suffice to say the little paradise I have in mind

hasn`t come up with any extradition laws yet, so with a bit of luck I can see the rest

of my days out in comparative peace.

     Peace. That`s what started this chain of events I suppose. Forty-two years I`ve

been listening to her. Well when I say listening, more staring at her with a practised

look of interest plastered on my face really. It was bearable in the beginning, at least
the sex made up for her constant nagging. Believe me she became a changed

woman when her head hit that pillow. Things she did with her mouth and legs you

wouldn`t credit...Anyway, then the kids came along and she..well she just lost interest
in the whole humping thing. Kept up the nagging of course, day and night. Things I

did for her were never quite right you see. Wrong patterned wallpaper, taps in the

bathroom not the right shape, kids rabbit hutch too small. I could go on but it would

only bore you. So I`ve decided to do her in.

      Nobody will miss her. She`s never been one for making friends and what family

she had have all snuffed it. The kids?  They emigrated years ago, Davy to New

Zealand and Emma to Canada. We get a card for birthdays and Christmas but apart

from that, nothing.

     I know how I will do it, just got to work out the fine detail. Wednesday will be the

best day I think, when she comes back from Sainburys. She doesn`t usually go out

again till Saturday when she goes up the market. Should give me plenty of time to do
the necessary and then leg it up the motorway.....

     It`s all gone belly up. I`d got everything sorted Wednesday morning. There I was
helping her put the last of the shopping away when she turns to me and...you`ll

never guess what she said. Do you fancy coming upstairs for a quick one! Well you

could have knocked me down with her empty shopping bag. What could I say. God

knows why, but I could see she was gagging for it. So that`s it. She`s back on form

with her mouth and legs again and I`ve had to shelve my plans. Only temporarily of

course. Well you never know do you....