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Written by Phil (6675 comments posted) 20th June 2007 |
While I appreciate the premise of your poem, you've chosen a very unusual comparison. While I'm sure flies have a place in the scheme if things, they are not the most welcome house guests: one minute munching on dog faeces (for example) the next stamping all over my sandwich without even wiping their feet. I happily swipe the little blighters.
Phil |
Written by stevetroster (1549 comments posted) 20th June 2007 |
Yet without the humble fly we would not have the humble maggots to eat all the humbled humans who die in the war-fare (warfair or war-unfair? I never can tell).
Still, I agree with Phil, not a good comparison to use.
Best wishes
Steve. |
Written by Richie (15 comments posted) 20th June 2007 |
| i've read a bit on Buddhism, that's all and i think and know that if anyone should be interested in writing to any manner of degree then a wide reading interest is paramount. |
Written by Phil (6675 comments posted) 21st June 2007 |
| I agree, reading widely certainly helps you to write. However, you need to read with an intellectual filter. My original criticism stands. |
Written by Richie (15 comments posted) 22nd June 2007 |
Phil,
i agree "filter" but there are certain things a person has an innate belief about that one does not filter.
Nor would i ever want to use a filter when i have a belief about something. That is why i read it in the first place!
Beware ones light be not darkness! |
Written by Phil (6675 comments posted) 22nd June 2007 |
How do you know you have an inate belief in it before you read it? Do you turn filters off because of a title or writer? Do you just accept blindly? Wasn't my point really anyway.
Odd to say on a site such as this, but what is written can often be taken the wrong way. I took your comment on being widely read as a suggestion that anyone who disagreed wasn't. Besides, you can read widely with a narrow perspective.
As a poem, it doesn't work. Using flies to illustrate humankind's failings does not cut the mustard. You're probably old enough to remember Spitting Image during the time of the miners' strike. Do you remember the sketch with Maggie Thatcher and the trained fly with yellow wellies?
I don't have an objection to your 'message.' As a race, humankind is pretty despicable - I think the way you've put it leaves it wide open to criticism. The only other person to review feels the same way. I reviewed it as a prospective poem, not a piece of theology.
Phil. |
Written by Richie (15 comments posted) 23rd June 2007 |
Thoughts and ideas of Buddhism have been with me for years. It is innate. So i will read that which appeals.
Do you know CND actually published this piece in 1987.
Theology comes into many of my poems. A fly is a living thing. Put this poem up amoungst Buddhists and you see what they say.
In the mean time i will continue to encourage the flies in my abode to go out the window to fly into your abode to get swatted! Shame really!
However, who says that the "fly" in this poem is an insect. You! Could it not be a person!
i have often overheard things about myself when i have thought to be sleeping!
Just because one has their eyes closed does not mean they are sleeping! |
Written by Phil (6675 comments posted) 23rd June 2007 |
Why did I assume it was a fly? I didn't think the poem sophisticated enough for it to be a metaphor. If it is a metaphor, my criticism still stands. Why choose a creature that is known to spread disease, in some cases death, as an example of injured innocence? So CND published it - congratulations, but it is still a poor example of its kind.
Feel free to read wh |
Written by Phil (6675 comments posted) 23rd June 2007 |
Why did I assume it was a fly? I didn't think the poem sophisticated enough for it to be a metaphor. If it is a metaphor, my criticism still stands. Why choose a creature that is known to spread disease, in some cases death, as an example of injured innocence? So CND published it - congratulations, but it is still a poor example of its kind.
Feel free to read wh |
Written by Phil (6675 comments posted) 23rd June 2007 |
sorry, computer gone mad
...fell free to read what you like. If you choose to read and accept without thought, that's your business. When you post something here, you invite public opinion in th eform of reviews. You have received two reviews of a similar nature - perhaps you need to consider gtheir validity instead of justifying your words through pseudo theology. If you don't want anyone to review and perhaps criticise the words you use, don't post.
I repeat, nothing wrong with the sentiment, the method you chose to deliver it didn't work.
All the best.
Phil. |
Written by stevetroster (1549 comments posted) 23rd June 2007 |
I'm confused. Why is Walloo claiming to have written your poem??
Driving
By Richie
19 June 2007
Hi Richie.
The last verse appears to be written as a calligramme and I think the whole thing would benefit from having the first verse also as a calligramme.
Happy writings
Cliff
Written by Walloo (2 comments posted) 20th June 2007
Cliff,
You know i was thinking that last night, that it should start with one word then extend gradually.
I wrote the darn thing in 1985!
Completely
Nonsensical
Dialogue!!
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Written by Richie (15 comments posted) 27th June 2007 |
Cliff,
Thanks for telling me this i will check it out now. He/she must be acting about. i've not checked on the poem Driving lately coz i've not had a lot of time lately but i will now.
Cheers
Richie |
Written by Richie (15 comments posted) 27th June 2007 |
OK Phil,
But i would like other people's opinions too you know!
The only ones to review my work seems to be you and stevetroster. Are you both the celebrated writers with the badge of acceptedness here because you have been here longer than anyone else or because you are known to be the brains?
Come on other reviewers!
By the way Phil human beings have only came about through germs too you know and we would spread them much more only thanks to a "civilised" (if one can call it that!) world and the medics we keep it at bay! Read The Plague
Rather than progressing i reckon the world is regressing.
To what aim is everyone working and trying to make money. You seem to know so please tell me!
Richie
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