And so it goes. Does this count as part of Ellie's 45 minute jobs? It's not exactly a freestanding piece. I really couldn’t decide what to do with Miss Muffett.
Should I tell him how disappointed I was for his lying to me about his true identity? I feel that if someone is being offered, completely free of charge, a course of therapy for their phobia, they should at least have the common decency to be honest about the fact that they are not who they purport to be; before just turning up and presenting themselves.
I did feel rather let down, and more than a little hurt. Perhaps I should have told him there and then to get back on the train; that I wasn’t prepared to be lied to by a prospective patient. But then, I’d made all the arrangements and collected all my props.
Oh, well, off to confront those fears.
In the car he was quite chatty, nerves I suppose, he’d never been to a workshop before, and, other than online, he’d never met any fellow sufferers. My proffered hipflask was readily accepted. Greedy Miss Muffet. I hope he felt rested by his little nap; after all, he had quite a day ahead of him.
There are a lot of spiders available in a stable. Certainly enough for what I had in mind. Outside, in the bushes, were those big fat-bodied green ones. He’d mentioned that he was particularly frightened of those. I’d stored a few in a little box.
Well Miss M and I had fun for a time but it felt like I was just going through the motions. (The motions certainly went through him with spiders in his hair. Lots of disinfectant needed. I didn’t want to have to hose him down and wash away all his newfound friends). All in all, it just wasn’t terribly satisfying! I suppose I’m just not a man’s man, I vastly prefer the company of the ladies.
Sure, it ticked some of the boxes, but it’s like having an itch that hasn’t quite been scratched.
So, when I got bored, which wasn’t too long, we had to say goodbye. After I’d dropped him in with the other two and had a bit of a tidy up, I made myself a nice cup of tea to try to cheer myself up.
I’m a little uncertain as to my next move. They’ve found my lady friend in the freezer. Perhaps I ought to change tack. I do want to be noticed soon and it’s getting harder to keep up with my chosen theme; although I have found a Dr Foster, (in Gloucester), and a Dr Fell, both of whom seem to meet my fairly exacting criteria. I’m just a bit disappointed that I’m putting all this work in and no one, so far, seems to care.
Maybe I ought to just drag out the three in the well, pop them in freezers, and drop them off at various recycling centres. It would certainly make my selection easier. If I put a proper top to the well, with a rope, a pulley, and a grappling iron, it should be quite easy to get them out. Afterwards, I could take off the hook and replace it with a bucket. That would look quite nice and ever so bucolic! Second hand freezers are a dime a dozen. I do like the idea that, after finding another one, poor old Percy Plod will have to start searching for more.
Imagine the headline: “Police to examine every dump in the Greater London Area” Tee Hee!
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Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 20th June 2007 | Good voice in this, enjoyed.
Question for you.
But for the body in the freezer, are the police actually aware that he has killed anyone else?
Is he sending them any letters or are the other girls just missing, or have I forgotten something again??
Best wishes
Steve. |
Written by Lizzy (838 comments posted) 21st June 2007 | Steve makes a good point, any newspaper or tele coverage about missing people.
Still enjoying the dark humour of this, and still lots left to the over active imagination.
Lizzy |
Written by wltshr (352 comments posted) 21st June 2007 | Thanks for sticking with this and for your comments.
Steve: No, the police are not aware that he has killed anyone else. They're all in the well. He is isn't yet sending letters but the frustration of all his good work not being recognised is really starting to get to him. He'll have to do something to chivvy it up a bit.
Lizzie: Thanks to you I edited the end of Part 5 to make it clearer that Miss Muffet was indeed a man. If you weren't sure, and you've followed this from the start, any newbie would be as confused as hell.
Best
Wltshr |
Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 21st June 2007 | Read all 6 in a sitting. Certainly entertaniing. At the risk of sounding repetitive - I'll say again - change of POV is possibly needed, inclusion of dialogue is definitely needed.
Look forward to what happens next.
Phil |
Written by wltshr (352 comments posted) 21st June 2007 | Thank you, Phil, for taking the time and the effort to read all of it in one go.
Thanks also for your constructive comments. I agree with you.
As this has, all along, been written as a diary, (other than the body discovery scene), I'd always imagined it to be a performance piece rather than prose.
It'll need a bit of a re-think.
Having never written anything like this before, and having no real plan, I'm not quite sure where it will go next so I'm grateful for all suggestions and directions.
Best
Wltshr |
Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 21st June 2007 | Sorry, I wasn't aware it was supposed to a diary. (Doh!) That gives it a slightly different different slant. You have the tone going really well - it's just missing something. If you want to stick to the idea of a diary, perhaps Steve's idea of a change of perspective is the one to go with. You could do one diary entry from your serial murderer and then one from a suitable (or better, unsuitable) Plod.
Talking of unsuitable Plod. Don't forget, every TV copper has his special little quirk. Yours could have a really far out one - like being a cross dresser. This could come in handy for the end of the story when Plod meets murderer, dressed in drag as the next victim. Why am I tellig you this? I can't think of ideas for my own stories.
Just some ideas. Feel free to ignore - I probably would.
Phil. |
Written by philkent (170 comments posted) 21st June 2007 | | I really love the macabre humour in these, there's a film called No Way to Treat A Lady with Rod Steiger, that this puts me in mind of, dark but funny. You've got a real ability to pull the readers imagination in the right direction and leave them to do the work. Less is definately more...great read. |
Written by wltshr (352 comments posted) 22nd June 2007 | Phil: I changed the title for nothing? I should put dates and times on the page? I make changes and you don't notice them? I've spent hours slaving over a hot keyboard and for what? Frankly, I feel that the magic has gone out of our relationship. Is there someone else?
You and Steve are quite right. It's got beyond an older more bitter Adrian Mole now and needs a re-think.
Philkent: I feel very flattered. "No way to treat a lady" is one of my favourite films of all time. If this reminded you of that film I'm both pleased and proud. However, you've now given me a hell of a lot to live up to with the rest of this.
Best
Wltshr |
Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 26th June 2007 | Whoops. There is a bit of a clue in the title isn't there? Back to the bottom of the class for me.
Phil. | Change of heart...
Written by Dark_Angel (53 comments posted) 19th September 2007 | | Was gonna stop reading after the last chapter, but was all "meh... one more" and boy am I glad I read that one more. I'm gonna keep a readin. | Coming togeather!
Written by solst (34 comments posted) 14th October 2008 | So, would the other part about the dump and the freezer (The screen play) make more sense next, as prose of course? I say it would.
He killed Miss Muffet! I think you've missed a trick leaving all the possible tensions and scuffles to our attention, but it's your choice.
I think you should take advantage of your work and do more with it. Are you intending for it to be a play? Or a single story? These things would help me advise you, so feel free to let me know.
The writing itself is endearing enough and I enjoy reading the author...hope that's encouraging. To conclude, I cannot imagine the whole thing being resolved in 2 more parts...again, I could be wrong.
| Just one more thing:
Written by solst (34 comments posted) 14th October 2008 | Sorry, I forgot most of my review...I'm getting tired and need to work on my own stuff.
Anyway, I meant to say that now I know why he didn't bury the bodies...but does he need to and would he go through all that effort to resurrect the dead bodies when he could just kill more? I doubt anyone would. It's his insatiable appetite for sex that compels him, not dealing with the logistics of moving dead, used bodies. I'd reconsider this but it does make it a difficult task.
Perhaps it's his stupidity that makes the piece...I'll keep going.
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