The eyes, ears and noses of the world’s press were assembled outside St. Francis of Assisi RC Junior High School this evening.
Pilgrims were also gathering near the school, where Terence Delaney, a 12 year old in his first year, defecated a perfect image of his late Holiness, Pope John Paul II.
“I was in Religious Education class”, explained Delaney, “suddenly I was desperate for a dump, I mean touching cloth! I had to put my hand up and beg to be let out to the bog”.
What Delaney produced when he frantically tore down his grey shorts, and relaxed his sphincter has left the Catholic Church in the horns of a theological dilemma…is it fitting to worship and venerate a shit? What is God trying to tell the church by this manifestation of divine feculence?
“It was my little Sister, Fatima, that was to blame, I think” – continued Terence “she put a squirt of holy water in my porridge this morning when I wasn’t looking. It was her first communion last week and she got it as a present. It went through me like a dose of the salts”.
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