READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 2038 guests online and 3 members online
Poetry
Wanderer
By JakeWilding
21 June 2007
This is a remake, as it were of another poem called The Wanderer, by whom i can't remember right now, but will try and find out. I have varied it and put my own mark on it.


 
I have always wanted to sail the seas
But I cannot afford to go.
What I cannot afford is not to know
Is the smell of the south sea breeze. 

I am trapped in the security of routine,
Constantly getting mift
At doing the 9-5 shift,
Reading other peoples news in the canteen. 

What do I really need?
A few pieces of food each day,
Heat, shelter, water & come what may
A sense of accomplishment
That is all I really need?  

I have been brainwashed by society
‘Till I end up in a tomb.
But to give myself no chance to assume
That I’ve got here through idiocy. 

The years thunder by, my dreams growing dimmer
Before I realize the tomb is sealed
Will then my conscience be healed?
Or will all you hear be my silent whimper? 

The choice to my life rests in my hands only,
Is it bankruptcy of purse?
Or shall it be bankruptcy of life?
Because I am the wanderer.

Reviews

Written by Phil (6838 comments posted) 21st June 2007
Status Quo?

Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 22nd June 2007
Break Out!!! easier said then done though, I liked this portrays a frustration that many feel at times.

Written by Talisker (1328 comments posted) 23rd June 2007
OK Jake, we all know the feelings - but there is no structure to this at all - rhymes seem incidentally tossed anywhere, you invent words like "mift" (miffed?) for the sake of a random rhyme? 
 
Its all a bit angst ridden and clumsy for me, sorry :sigh  
 
Oli
Been there
Written by Josie (2825 comments posted) 23rd June 2007
Sailed the seas and am glad to be in Yorkshire now. See my piece in the Non Fiction side. There is no reason why you can't sail the seas, even without much money. I did! When youa re young, you just take what comes without much thought of afterwards. It's only when you get older that you become cautious.

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item