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Poetry
Little Billy Blue
By maipenrai
22 June 2007
Little Billy Blue
went to the zoo
looking for a man in a hat
now
the story is told of this
very special hat
made of silver and gold,
silver sparkles around the sides and
magic flames that shot out the top

the owner of this
very special magic hat
had many, many names
to some he was Lucifer or
Beez as he liked to be called
to others he was known as Nick
just plain Old Nick.

Little Billy Blue
he walked around the zoo
looking at the animals at play
the elephants and the kangaroos,
slippery snakes and brave, brave eagles,
oh, what a fun day it was.

then Little Billy Blue
went to see the lions
in their den
and along came the man
in the magic hat
and he took Little Billy Blue away,
oh, how Billy screamed and how Billy cried
but all to no avail
for Old Nick he flew like a
bat out of hell
straight back to his cave
where,
he chopped Little Billy up and
made him into stew.

now the moral of this story,
well there is none
but children be good
children be bright and
do what your parents say,
unless
you to want to be
made into stew just like
Little Billy Blue.

Reviews

Written by Phil (6838 comments posted) 22nd June 2007
Hi Bernie, 
 
Very unsure about this one. It's almost like a government safety announcement and I'm not sure the form suits the message. It's extremely blunt (and shocking) and might better be communicated in a different way. 
 
Could just be me. 
 
Phil. 
 
duality again!
Written by fellpony (1656 comments posted) 22nd June 2007
there were some lovely wacky images in this at the beginning - verse 1 with the hat description was something I think small children would enjoy. Also the third verse about the elephants and eagles - why not move this to the beginning?  
 
But the rest, as Phil says, doesn't really hang together; why did Billy go looking for the man in the hat? and for kids you'd need to add something awful that Billy did, to deserve being chopped up and stewed. Merely warning them to "be bright and good or else" doesn't give a reason for Billy's shocking end. If you insist on it, make him stupid and naughty to begin with. [Crude, but at least consistent.] 
 
Like your other "Love was there" poem, this goes two quite different ways - in this case, fantastic vs gruesome. I think there is the germ of a fine children's tale in the meeting of Billy and the Man in the Hat, but if you want to pursue Billy's horrific end, you need to at least hint at more of a reason for it.

Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 23rd June 2007
Phil, Fellpony thank you both for your comments. 
 
Phil, a goverment heath warning, thats it mate I am putting away my pen if I am becoming like the spinners :grin :grin :grin  
and here I was thinking I had a nice little story going. 
 
Fellpony thanks for your excellent review, a hell of a lot of good sense in what you say and I take it on board. 
 
Thanks Guys. 
Bernie

Written by stevetroster (1588 comments posted) 24th June 2007
Bernie. 
I much prefer your 'savage world' poetry, and the theme of this is too close to 'Green teeth'. 
Surprised that you didn't use this idea for a go at prose though!! 
You could do horror in prose and real world horror in poetry. 
 
Best wishes 
Steve.

Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 24th June 2007
What a ggod idea steve and thanks for your comments. 
Bernie

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