Great Writing - Home > Poetry > We must go on
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 870 guests online and 9 members online
Poetry
We must go on
By maipenrai
22 June 2007
We had come so far
we had lost so many,
friends, comrades.
loved ones.

overhead the birds of piece
the white doves
were being slaughtered by
the eagles of war
the eagles of power,
beaks slashing and ripping,
the blood from the
dove's of peace
fell upon us
like heavens rain.

and in the dungeons the
tortured souls of tortured men
cried out to be free
but soon cries for freedom
became screams of pain
as soldiers practiced their
skills of freedom
with electric wire.

but we must go on.

Reviews

Written by Phil (6997 comments posted) 22nd June 2007
sp: piece should be peace 
no appostrophe in doves (line 12) 
comma not full stop (line 3) 
heavens should be heaven's 
there are other issues with punctuation 
 
Hope you don't mind me pointing these out. 
 
There's lots to like in this. I liked the imagery in the second stanza and the brutal irony of the third. I do think this would could be tightened up though. Another to go with a photograph? 
 
Phil 
 
 

Written by ellyb39 (79 comments posted) 23rd June 2007
Nice flow to the words, I thought the image of the blood falling 'like heavens rain' was powerful. the repitition of words give an interesting reading, which sort of echoes the theme. elly

Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 23rd June 2007
Phil, ellyb thanks for your comments. 
 
Phil, not intended for a photo as this is more war then aid. 
 
thanks guys. 
Bernie
Practice/practise
Written by Josie (2847 comments posted) 23rd June 2007
PractiCe is a noun - the same as as Swim 
PractiSe is a verb - the same as Swim 
 
 
To your poem: 
 
Apart from this, there certainly was a lot to take in with this poem, and a lot to think about. War isn't a pretty picture. You bring this over well. It was a very powerful piece of writing.

Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 24th June 2007
Another good one Bernie. 
I enjoy (maybe not the right word to use but..) reading your work because it helps us to remember that there is a big bad world out there that is not full of pretty flowers. 
Keep up the good work. 
 
Best wishes 
Steve.

Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 24th June 2007
Josie ,Steve thank you both for your comments

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item