For Elli's 45 minute flash. Probably far too short. Took 11 minutes, but when I reread I kind of liked it.
More of a sketch than a story.
It has the benefit of being a quick read!
I've often heard it say that the older we get, the faster the years go by. If my life is anything to go by, then it may not be logically true, but it is a truism. Perhaps it's all to do with proportionality. When you're ten years old, a year represents a small fraction of the life you have left. When you're eighty-nine and laid here connected to all these machines, a week represents the whole of what is left. One week, give or take, and then it's all over.
Where did it all go?
Being a child seemed to last forever. Long, sunny summers and cold, snowy winters. Surely I experienced more seasons as a child than logic demands? I have so many memories.
Courting and marriage, a mere blip before children arrived. ‘They grow up before you know it,' they said. And they were right. Where's the infant I held in my arms, the child I played with, the daughter I gave away? Accelerating towards her own demise now, a grandmother in her own right.
Retirement? A blink of an eye to reach the here and now. The reality of fading existence. Although ‘fading' doesn't really do it for me. To my grandchildren and great-grand children, I'm probably hanging on forever, but for me, I'm racing at light speed towards nothing.
The time of my life.
Gone.
|
Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 26th June 2007 |
True. A scary piece (in a good way). Suddenly makes you take stock of things. Very realistic. The imagery of being hooked on to wires, the part where the grand children think that the old man is hanging on forever, but in his own mind he is racing at lightning speed towards nothing, was beautiful. I liked this very much. Short? yes, but i guess it does enough in its present form.
Regards,
TT |
Written by philkent (170 comments posted) 26th June 2007 |
This was a very thought provoking bit of work. A touch on the nihilistic side for someone like me who prefers the 'go into the beautiful light' type of veiw of existence. Still though it had an impact and portrayed very well the fear of getting older and death.
Very good. |
Hi Phil
Written by jean.day (2387 comments posted) 26th June 2007 |
I enjoyed this, and it reminded me of your story, which needs a few more chapters now that you have time on your hands. Your old man, (well not all that old really, my age) needs to get his wife's stuff back from that nasty kid who stole it.
Time does seem to go quicker as you grow older. Can't say that I mind all that much, though. |
Written by Asferthecat (859 comments posted) 26th June 2007 |
I agree, its more of a sketch than a story but it is good and thought-provoking.
Beautiful light or nothing? With my low boredom threshold any form of eternal existance after death would be a nightmare.
|
Written by woody44 (777 comments posted) 26th June 2007 |
A well-written retrospective piece Phil. Funny as we get older (I`m sixty-three) how we become more and more preoccupied with death. Perhaps preoccupied is too strong a word. Curious maybe. Should we spend more of our time writing that block-busting novel do you think, then the grim reaper might be put on the back burner for a while...
Nice read
Roger |
Well done Phil
Written by Josie (2847 comments posted) 26th June 2007 |
| I think it would have taken me much more than 11 minutes just to think up the story. I must try writing for the storytelling section some time. Perhaps "The Fish that Swallowed Granny's Teeth" will have to do for now - or does that count? ha ha. It's not death itself that is frightening, but the thought that as we are living longer there is more chance of getting alzheimer's disease. I just cannot think of anything worse than that, but they say you must use your brain or lose it - so we must all keep working away on GW for our health! Good try Phil. |
Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 27th June 2007 |
Eleven minutes well spent; are you going to start a new forum?
If you can knock this out in eleven minutes, and with all this spare time on your hands (although none on your feet, I hear!!), you should be at the end of your novel by now.
Best wishes as always
Steve.
 |
Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 27th June 2007 |
Thanks for reading and commenting everyone.
Phil |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 28th June 2007 |
| Phil, this is great stuff. In fact, given that you can write something this good, you ought to be writing more. And I think the title is especially good. |
Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 28th June 2007 |
Thanks Mary. I've got the time at the minute, but not a lot of inspiration.
|
Written by Lizzy (838 comments posted) 28th June 2007 |
Certainly makes you think.
Well put.
lizzy |
Written by johniebg (553 comments posted) 3rd July 2007 |
Nicely done. Yes it is too short as you could have created some nice parallels between his life and his descendent's as they go through theirs, I thought for my mind.
Was that eleven minutes to write after sitting down for thirty minutes thinking of the story. Or was it eleven minutes in the thinking of and the writing?
Good stuff. |
Written by Fledermaus (3506 comments posted) 20th July 2007 |
A sad story, but probably true... I'm still young compared to most of you, but I find myself clinging to the past already... In a few weeks my student days are sort of over. I guess it's time to grow up at last, even though I don't want to.
And now that I read this I'm even sadder about it.
A clever piece, especially given the short time you took for it. |
Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register.
Previous item
