I jumped up quickly and turned the kettle off so it wouldn’t wake the kids and Jim up.  I always liked to have the first hour of the day on my own.  Laddie, my collie, kept crying at the door to go out.
“Come on then, I’ve got to get some fags,” I said. Walking down the path and over the big green that linked the council houses together, you could smell the freshly cut grass, which the council had done the day before.  Mrs. Mead at the cake shop was putting all her lovely pies and cakes in the window.  It smelt lovely. “Sit, Laddie,” I said sternly.
He would never have a lead, but he was a good dog and he came everywhere with me.  In return I bought him his usual Milky Way and off he went to wait outside the butcher’s till he got his daily bone.
Walking back on my own I lit a fag and was looking around at the houses.  They all had their own individuality - except one.  I often wondered how the family could live like they did.  There was no electric, no gas, every window in the house had been put through, boards up at the windows.  The garden was full of old bikes, bits of Hoovers, washing machines.  The neighbours had complained to the council about them many times, but I think in the end they just gave up.  Walking past the house to reach my own, there were two of the youngest kids stood on the kitchen window sill in little vests – no nappies, all matted hair and black as coal.  I gave a smile and waved. The little girl waved back, but the little boy was crying, holding the teat of his bottle in his mouth. The bottle had tea in it, but you could see it was filthy.
As I stepped through the door, Jim greeted me.  “Here love, a fresh brew.  Get it down you before you wake the kids up,” he said.
“I’ve just waved to them kids three doors down.  It’s a bloody shame.  They
need a good bath and good meal inside them.  How can they all live like that?” I asked.
“Well, people do, and you worry enough without getting involved with that lot,” Jim said, sticking his oily boots on in the lobby.  “Give us a kiss.  I won’t come home at dinner; I’ve got too many cars to do today, so I’ll see you about seven,” he said, closing the door behind him.
I watched as he got into the car and waved him off. As I turned round, my eldest little girl, Zara, was stood rubbing her eyes in the doorway. “Good morning, Sweetie Pie,” I said, kissing her cheek and patting her bottom.
“Hello mummy, Janette is still asleep and I can dress myself.  Look,” she said, proudly.
     She hadn’t done too bad for a four year old, shoes on the wrong feet, odd socks, summer dress on inside out – oh, and no knickers. “Well, you are a big girl,” I declared.  “And what do you want for breakfast?” I asked.
“Jelly please, mummy,” came the reply.
“I know, let’s have jelly after school and a boiled egg and soldiers now, shall we?” I said, bending down to her level.
      She swung her legs as she sat on the chair, gazed out of the window and said, “Okay.” I fixed Zara her breakfast and on cue the baby started crying.
 “Stay there and eat your breakfast up, I’ll be back in a minute,” I said.
Going into Janette’s bedroom.  I could smell she had filled her nappy.  I leant over and picked her up.  She was a big baby for eighteen months old.  “Come on, I’ll stick you in the bath.”  She smiled at me.  She was so placid, unlike Zara, who had my temperament.
We were just an average family.  My husband had a garage repair place and we just got by.  He didn’t believe I should go to work.  He always said my place was at home with the kids and running the house.  I had been brought up military fashion so there was never anything out of place, but Jim wouldn’t have minded.  He was dead easy going.
The kids were washed, dressed and fed.  Laddie had come back.  He was sat in the front garden, but before I could take Zara to school I had to get him in, or he would follow me, and once at the school he would go running off on the school field, and I always had to chase him.
“Zara, do mummy a big favour darling,” I said, smiling at her. “Shout Laddie in and shut him in the kitchen.  He’ll come in for you.”
I could hear her shouting him and then the door slammed.  She came running in, shouting and laughing.  “I’ve tricked him mummy, he’s in.”
“Well done, sweetie,” I said.  “Now quick, get your cardy on, we’re going to be late.”  I shoved her arms in.  “There.  Now, here’s some pennies for your biscuits at school.  Put them in your dress pocket and don’t lose them.  Right, come on.  Laddie’s locked up, everything’s turned off.  You stand there Zara, whilst I put Janette in her buggy.”  I wheeled the buggy past Zara, just about to shut the front door.
“Oh mummy, I need my Tiny Tears,” Zara said.
“Well, hurry up and get it.  I’ll just put Janette near the front gate and come back.”  As I turned to go towards the front door, the dog flew past me.  “Oh God, Zara, you’ve let the dog out.  What did you go in the kitchen for?”
“My baby,” she said, holding the doll up.
“Oh well, I haven’t got time now to get the dog. Let’s just hope he doesn’t follow us.”
As we got near the house with the broken windows, one of her eldest daughters was coming out. I knew her to say hiya to, but that was about it.
“Hiya Janice,” she said to me.  “Are you off to school?”
“Yeh,” I replied, “and the bloody dog’s out.  If you see him will you stick him in the back garden for me, he causes havoc at school.”
“Yep,” she replied.  She was a year younger than me – twenty two years old.  She always wore the same clothes.  She had one daughter that she had given her mum, and had just had a baby boy.  She had on a white skin tight skirt that was full of stains like gravy, etc., low cut tee shirt with her boobs hanging out, white high heels that were all peeling and the heels looked like banana skins.
Who would go with her, I thought.  She had really bad B.O. and her neck was filthy.  In my opinion, soap and water doesn’t cost much, and your appearance does matter.  I never went out without make-up, my hair done and clean clothes.  I knew my name on the estate was “Lady Muck”, but I didn’t care. Some of them were a lot better off than me, but I wasn’t going to tell them.
I had dropped Zara off at school, Janette was having her dinner-time sleep, all the chores around the house had been done and I was just settling down to a well deserved brew when a knock came to my door.  As I opened it, I was surprised to see it was Tina, the girl from the scruffy house, with her baby in her arms.  She’d never been to our house before.
“I’m sorry to trouble you Janice, but do you mind if I use your phone?  I’ve got no money and I need to ring someone very important.”
“You’d better come in. It’s through there in the living room,” I pointed to the door.
“Oh, you’ve got it lovely,” she said.  “Here, will you hold him a minute?”  She pushed the baby into my arms.
I sat down in a chair and cradled him.  He had lovely brown eyes.  He had all cradle cap on his head, and in the creases of his neck and fingers he had, like, black fluff.  You could smell the sour milk on him, but he was beautiful. Tina was knelt down beside my coffee table, talking to someone from Social Services.  She kept looking over at me.  Maybe she wanted me to leave the room, but judging by her house, (well, her mum’s house), and the fact that I didn’t trust her, she had no chance.
Then she started shouting down the phone to someone.  “Well I’m not bloody keeping him.  You can have him.  I’m off tomorrow, so I want summat done now.”
I chipped in…. “Tina, what do you mean? You don’t want who?” I asked.
“That brat in your arms,” came the reply.
“Why? What’s he done to you?” I asked.  The person on the phone was still there, listening.
“I’m going to France tomorrow.  I can dance there and I don’t want him,” she
 was shouting.
“He’s lovely, Tina.  You can’t just give your baby away to Social Services,” I said, holding the baby out towards her.
“Well you have him then,” she shouted at me.
I looked at her, and looked at this two month old baby in my arms and said, “Right you bitch, I bloody well will.”  I didn’t for one minute believe she meant it.
She turned to the phone and said, “Right, if you won’t take him in care, Janice says she’ll have him.”  She pushed the phone out to me.  “He wants to talk to you,” she said.
I kept the baby in my arms and picked the receiver up.  “Hello,” I said, nervously.
“Hello, this is Bill Green, Social Services, here.  I believe you’ve just told Tina you will have her baby,” he said.
“Well, yes I did, but….”
He carried on.  “If you’re serious I can let you adopt him privately.  If she brings the baby to the office I will have to put him in care, but if you’re prepared to do what you are saying, you can have him.”  He went quiet.
Suddenly I felt very angry.  I shouted down the phone at him.  “Who the bloody hell do you think you are, telling me I can keep a little baby.  You don’t know me, you don’t know what I live like, you don’t know anything about any of us.  You’re bloody disgusting,” I shouted.  Tina was just staring at me.
The voice on the other end of the phone said, “Is she still in the room with you?”
     “Yes,” I replied.
“Right, don’t say anything except yes or no.  Do you understand me?” he said.
“Yes,” I replied.
He went on, “I’m going to tell Tina to come in and see me now, at the office;
to leave the baby with you, and while she is here I will pop round and see you. Is that
alright?” he asked.
“I suppose so,” I replied.
“Put her back on.  I’ll see you in about two hours.”
Tina went back on the phone.  After a few words she turned and asked me was I really sure about the baby.
I said, “Yes.”
I heard her give the number of our house.  She thanked him, then came off the phone.
“Tina,” I said, “did you really mean you don’t want this baby boy?”
“Yes,” she said, matter of fact.  “I never really wanted him all along, but I was too late for an abortion, me mam won’t have him and me boyfriend is an Arab, and it’s against their religion to take another man’s child.”
“Well, what did that Bill Green say to you?” I asked.
“He said if I’m willing and you are, he will sort out a private adoption.  There’s three papers to sign, then he’s yours.”  She didn’t seem upset or concerned at all.  “He wants me to go to the office now and sign the first paper for you, and he said he will try and get to see you next week for you to sign.  In the meantime, I can leave the baby with you.”  With that, she was gone. I couldn’t believe it.
I took the baby into the kitchen and bathed him in the sink.  He loved it!  Now I had to find something for him to wear.  I put him in one of Janette’s baby grows.  It was a bit big but it would have to do.
My friend Mary came round.  She couldn’t believe what had happened.  She ran over to the chemist for a bottle and some baby milk and I sorted Janette out, so I could try and put a bit of order in the house.
A knock came to the door.  As I opened it, I saw a middle aged man, quite overweight, with a file stuck under his arm.
“You’d better come in,” I said, standing to one side.
“Ta, love,” he said, smiling and placing all his papers on the floor.  “I’d love a cuppa if there’s one going.
“Does Tina know you’re here?” I asked, cradling the baby.
“No, she thinks I’m in a meeting, so she’s stuck there until I’m ready to see her.  You know, you were right to shout at me on the phone, but Tina is always putting herself before her children.”
“But how can I adopt him?  I haven’t got a lot of money,” I replied.
Mr. Green told me again about the procedure and said if I signed the first paper, which he had brought with him, he would supervise the adoption and the baby would stay in my custody.  I told him I hadn’t even told my husband.  
Mary came in with the tea.  “Do you want me to go and I’ll come back later Jan?” she asked.
“No, Mary.  I want you here to witness all this,” I replied.
“Look,” Mr. Green said, “I’ll go back to my office and get Tina to sign her part, because she’s off to France tomorrow.  Then I will come back tomorrow afternoon and meet your husband and your other little girl.  How does that sound?” he asked.
“A bit better,” I said.  “I feel like I’m numb.”
Mr. Green asked me again, “Are you sure you want to do this?  You already have one baby.  It’s not going to be easy, you know,” he said, raising his eyebrows.
“I can’t see this little boy be put in care just because she doesn’t want him.”  I snuggled Jamie closer to me.  “Yes, I’m sure.”
“Well then, I’ll go and sort madam out.”  Mr. Green rose to his feet and put his arm around me.  “You are a very good hearted young lady, and that baby will be loved here.  I only have to look at your house and I can see how contented your own baby girl is.  I’ll come back tomorrow afternoon and sort things out properly, then we can all have a proper chat.”
I opened the door.  As he walked down the path, I still wondered, am I doing the right thing?  How will Jim react?…Oh well, it was a bit late to worry about all that now.
Mary held her arms out.  “Give us a hold then.”  She took Jamie off me.  “Look Jan, I’ll help you.  You know I’ve got nowt for a boy but I’ll ask around.  Something will turn up, you’ll see; poor little bugger,” she said, kissing his forehead.
Mary came with me to pick Zara up from school, because the pushchair I had was a sit up and beg buggy, not suitable for a baby.  Whilst I was waiting, all the mums were asking, whose is the baby?  Mary told them I was adopting him and that I had just got him, but I had no stuff for him.  Poor little man, everyone wanted a cuddle of him.  Everyone remarked on his big brown eyes.
I was just washing the teapots up, so it was all tidy for when Jim came home.  The girls were watching telly and the baby was asleep on Janette’s baby chair that lay flat, when a knock came to the front door.
“Hiya, it’s only me,” a voice said, from the lobby.  “Can I come in?”
“Oh, I wondered when you were going to turn up,” I said.
“That bloody social bloke had me waiting for ages,” Tina said, just making herself at home.  “Well I’ve signed the paper so he’s all yours now, so I can get on with me life.”  She said it so matter of fact.
“Are you sure about this, Tina?”  I asked.  “He’s a lovely baby; you’ll probably change your mind.  You can’t just give him up like that,” I said anxiously.
“Look Janice,” she stood up.  “He’s been nothing but a ball and chain to me.  It’s best for all of us, and Farouk, my boyfriend in France, will be pleased.  We’re going to get married – it’s a new start for me.  I’ve fetched you some clothes in this bag.”
“Ta,” I said.  “But what about nappies and his pram, cot and all his other stuff?”  I asked.
“I haven’t got owt else.”  She stood up.  “The Social said they’d get them for me before I had him, but they never did.  Me mam got me a pushchair, but I never take him anywhere, so I sold it.  You’ll manage.”  She walked to the front door.  “I’ll phone you when I get to France.  Just send the papers as they come and I’ll sign.”  She smiled.
“Tina, if you leave him I won’t give him back.”
“I won’t change my mind, he’ll be better off with you.”
She just walked away.  She didn’t even hold him for the last time.  I went in and picked him up, even though he was sleeping, and gave him a cuddle and a kiss, just so he felt wanted.  That was that.  I now had two little girls and a little boy.
Jim came in through the kitchen.  “Hiya love, what’s for tea?  I’m starving,” he said, taking his oily boots off.
“Tatie hash, it’s in the oven,” I shouted.  I walked through to the kitchen.  “Jim, I’ve got something to tell you.  Please listen to everything before you say anything.”  I sat down at the table.
When I had finished he just looked at me.  Then he said, “They won’t let us keep him Jan.  Maybe they just meant overnight.”
“No Jim, I’ve seen Mr. Green.  He’s coming back tomorrow to see you.  Please love, let’s keep him, he’s lovely.”
“Let’s have a look at him then.”  He stood up and went into the living room.
“Hello daddy.”  Zara jumped up and threw her arms around Jim’s neck.  “We’ve got a baby brother and I’m the big girl now,” she declared.  Placing Zara down gently, he bent down and picked Jamie up.
“He’s not long had a feed,” I said.
Jim held him so tightly in his arms, looked down at him and smiled.  “God, how can she be so heartless?  He’s lovely.”
“I know.  I couldn’t let them put him away, Jim.”
Jim looked at me.  “How will we manage, love?  You won’t get any help.  And what if she changes her mind?  Then what will you do?  How will the kids feel?”  He looked worried.
“I don’t know, love,” I said.  “We’ll have to go one day at a time.”
Jim asked, “Did she bring his cot?”
“No,” I said, “she hasn’t got one.  He slept in her bed.”
“Bloody hell, that’s dangerous,” said Jim.  “What will we do?”
“I’ll put him in a drawer for tonight and ask the family if they can help tomorrow.”
He was a good lad; he slept contented.  I guess that’s because he had a full tummy and was clean, and wasn’t used to being hugged.  I hardly knew he was there.
Mary, my friend, came round next morning to help me take Zara to school.  Like I said, I didn’t have a pram.  When I got there, some of the mums came over to me.
“Here Janice,” one of them said.  “We all went home last night and sorted some stuff out for you.”
There were five bin bags full of baby boys clothes, blankets, towels, everything.  Another lady gave me a pushchair that her baby had grown out of.  I was overwhelmed.  These were people like me, that lived hand to mouth on a council estate, and out of the kindness of their hearts did this for me - “Lady Muck,” as I was nicknamed.  They told me if I needed anything else, all I had to do was ask.
Some of the girls helped me to take the stuff back to our house.  Of course, I offered them a brew.  The stuff Tina left, I binned.  It was filthy.  Well, now our baby boy had everything, even toys.
Tina went to France and Mr. Green kept his promise and came to check the house, and us, out.  
I registered Jamie at my G.P.’s and all was going well. I hadn’t heard from Tina for about six months – then one night came the dreaded phone call.  Jim answered it.
“Hi, it’s me, Tina,” the voice on the other end said.
Jim put his hand over the receiver.  “It’s Tina,” he mouthed to me.
My heart dropped into my stomach.  Jamie was eight months old now.  I took hold of the receiver. “Hello, is that you Tina?”
“Yes,” she piped up.  “How’s everything going?  How’s the baby?  I bet he’s grown.”
I answered defensively, “He’s fine.  Everything’s going well.  Tina, did you get the second paper Mr. Green sent you?” I asked.
“Yeh.”
“Well, are you going to sign it?”
“Yeh, but I’m coming over to see me mam, and I thought I’d call round,” she said like an old friend.
I answered straight away.  “I don’t want you to come round.  Mr. Green said not to get involved with you.  Have you changed your mind?  I hope not, ‘cos we couldn’t bear it.”  Jim was sitting on the couch holding the baby.  He kept looking at me.
“Oh I’m going to sign it, but I thought I would bring it to your house while I’m over,” she replied.
“No, Tina.  I don’t want you near our house, or our baby.”
Tina went quiet.  “Well alright then, I’ll post it.”
“Good,” I said, feeling very relieved.  “How are you and Farouk getting on?”
“Oh, he’s brilliant.  We might be getting married, but I’ve got to get more clients to buy champagne at the club ‘cos I need more money,” she replied.
“Don’t you mind all them dirty men all over you, Tina?” I asked.
“No, I’m used to it.  It makes Farouk want me more, so he tells me.  Well anyway Janice, I’ll have to go now.  I’ll send the paper back, signed for you.”
“Thanks.  Are you sure you don’t want the baby back?” I asked.
“No, I know I’ve done the right thing, giving him to you.”
“Well we do love him, and he is mine, Tina, and I won’t ever part with him.”  I just thought I’d let her know how the land lay.
“I know.  I’ll have to go now.  Maybe I’ll phone again someday.  See ya.  ‘Bye.”  She put the phone down.
I turned to Jim.  “She’s coming over to her mum’s.  What if she snatches Jamie?”  My eyes filled with tears.  I took my baby son off Jim.
“She won’t, love.  She’s as hard faced as they get.  Come on, I’ll make you a brew.”  Jim kissed me on the forehead and went to the kitchen.
Jamie was looking up at me, his beautiful brown eyes sparkling.  “I won’t let her have you, darling.  You belong here with us.”  I put my head close to my baby’s.  He was so contented.  “Jim, I’m just taking Jamie to bed,” I shouted, going up the stairs.  I had moved the two girls into one bedroom and Jamie into the other.  I placed him gently down and pulled the string on his mobile.  “Night night, Sweetie.”  He smiled at me.  I was the only mummy he knew.
I went into the girls’ room and covered Janette up.  She was at the terrible twos and Zara was heading for six years.  They were both fast asleep.  I was so proud of my little family, and the girls couldn’t remember what it was like before Jamie had come to us.  Everything had settled down over those last six months.  Oh God, I wish she wasn’t coming over tomorrow, I thought.
She did come over, but I went out of my way not to bump into her.  She took notice of what I had said about not coming round to the house, so I took the kids out to the park, to the beach, etc.  The people down at our local shops on the estate told me when Tina had gone back.  Bill Green continued to stay in touch and came round once a fortnight.  He was a lovely man.
Well, Janette started the nursery for two hours a morning.  Jamie had started walking and talking.  He had such a deep voice for a little boy.  He loved cars…maybe that was something to do with Jim being a mechanic.
Jim always took Jamie for a ride every night when he came home.  Jamie would stand at the window waiting for his daddy and as soon as he saw Jim’s car, he would jump up and down shouting, “Car, car daddy.”  How could Jim not take him out?
Halloween was fast approaching.  The girls wanted to be witches.  “What’s Jamie going to be, mummy?” asked Zara.
He’s too young yet, darling,” I replied.  “You’re not going on your own.  I’m coming with you and daddy can mind Jamie.”
Jamie looked at me with those big brown eyes.  “Me go, mummy,” he said, removing his dummy from his mouth.
“Next year darling, when you’re a big boy,” I replied.
Zara started crying.  “It’s not fair mummy, if we can go and Jamie can’t.”
“Well, I haven’t got a costume to fit him, he’s so little.”
“Me do mummy, me do.”  He jumped on my knee.
“Well, what could you be?”  Zara sat down next to Janette.  You could see them both thinking really hard, they so much wanted their baby brother with them. All of a sudden Jamie jumped off my knee, stood in the middle of the room, raised his arms, fists clenched above his head and started to growl at me.
Zara jumped up.  “Yeh Jamie, you can be Hulk,” she shouted.”  It was so funny.  Because she had recognised who he was doing, he kept on repeating it.
“O.K.  You win,” I said to the kids.  “Jamie can come and be Hulk.”  After all, he was Jamie’s hero.
So, the following night I sorted the girls out with the cloaks, witches hats, make-up.  “Right, you two.  Sit down nicely ‘til I do Jamie.”  The girls sat on the couch as I put Jamie’s short pants and shirt on him.
“Mummy.  Hulk doesn’t wear them,” Zara protested.
Jamie’s bottom lip came out.  He looked at me and started to cry.  “Me Hulk, mummy.”
“Yes, you’re going to be Hulk.”  He looked puzzled.
I knelt down next to him, started to rip his shirt.  Zara’s hands went over her mouth, and her eyes went so wide.
“Now, that’s the top, let’s sort the bottom bit,” I said.  I got the scissors from the coffee table.  “Stand still Jamie,” I said as I started to snip at the bottom of his trousers.  He had a smile from ear to ear.  Then I just ripped his trousers at the end.  He looked great.  The girls clapped with delight and were jumping up and down.  Jamie kept doing his Hulk impression.  “Right, nearly done,” I said, standing up.  “Just one more thing.  Won’t be a minute.”
I ran upstairs to my make-up bag.  All I could find was the new green eye shadow I had just bought.  It was all the rage in the seventies.  Oh well, sod it.  I grabbed it and ran down, excited.  “Jamie, Jamie, come and see what mummy’s got.”
He came running into the kitchen.  I picked him up and sat him on the worktop.  I put some water into a glass, threw all my green powdered eye shadow in it, gave it a good stir ‘til it was like a paste and said, “Right darling, stick your arms out.”  I covered his arms and legs with it up to where you could see.  Then I put it on his face.  He looked brilliant.  “Zara, Janette, Jim,” I shouted.  “Come and see our Jamie.”
I showed Jamie himself in the mirror.  He was overjoyed.  He kept jumping up and down, mimicking Hulk.  He was giggling.  The kids all started running round.  The girls were making witch sounds and Jamie was chasing them as Hulk.  Me and Jim laughed ‘til our stomachs ached.
“Come on, let’s go Trick or Treat.”  I grabbed Janette’s and Jamie’s hands.  “Zara, don’t run off.  If you do I’ll take you back home.”
“I won’t, mummy,” she said.
I just took the kids round to some friends that I had arranged with earlier.  They had a great time.  When we got home they were exhausted, so I just stuck them all in bed and bathed them in the morning.
The children suffered with the usual complaints like measles, whooping cough, chickenpox.  It certainly kept me on my feet.