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By JohnnyD
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29 June 2007 |
NUCLEAR
Clear was the vision and intention of the inventor
For it would serve the world at large
Heartening was the results
When it landed in Hiroshima and Nagasaki
While the first was the truth
The later became the reality of our world.
Power greed leaders across the world
Misuse of the greatest power of an atom
The unsafe unrest world
Has converted the invention into destruction
Who do we blame,
The inventor or else our greed for power?
Johnny D
27th June 2007 |
Written by stevetroster (1549 comments posted) 29th June 2007 | I’m fairly certain that most inventors invent because it’s in their blood to do so, a bit like would-be writers inventing stories and rhyming patterns.
I would no doubt struggle to think of an invention that hasn’t been ‘used’ by somebody, if only to make money.
Found this a strange passage, care to elaborate on your thoughts?
‘Heartening was the results when it landed in Hiroshima and Nagasaki’
Best wishes
Steve.
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Written by Phil (6675 comments posted) 29th June 2007 | I'm still impressed by your grasp of English Johnny, but in this case, I don't think you've written exactly what you meant. Grammar and vocabulary can be a bed of nails if English is your first language, let alone second.
It does seem silly not to comment on the quality of poetry as this is a poetry forum. Difficulties with nuance and grammar aside, this doesn't read well as a poem. The ideas are there, but you don't seem to have focused down to a tight theme. The naked power and horror of atomic energy and bombs isn't really expressed. Pulse and rhythm are a little uncertain too.
I wonder if this would be better explored as prose and placed in non-fiction.
Hope this is of some help.
Phil. | UNCLEAR?
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 29th June 2007 | Do you not mean UNCLEAR Mr.D? For that is what this piece is.
There are too many inconsistencies to point out - there was no "one" inventor of the nuclear bomb or nuclear power.
Why do you think that the results of Hiroshima and Nagasaki were "heartening"???
No "Power greed(y) leader" has misused nuclear weapons since Hiroshima and Nagasaki, thank goodness! Many have argued that it is the existence of the weapons which have led to the longest period of global peace (over 60 years since the last golbal conflagration).
As usual Johnny, you chose an immense subject of which you seem to have little comprehension and treated it in a trite and garbled fashion. As Mr. Phil fairly states, English is not your mother tongue - which is precisely why I do not attempt to write in Indonesian!
Oli | Keep Going
Written by maipenrai (783 comments posted) 29th June 2007 | This is not a very clear read Johnny and I agree with previous comments that you have taken on a immense subject.
I would how ever say to you to Keep Going, Keep Writing and Keep Sending Your work in.
Johnny am I correct that the Language Spoken in Indonesia is Bahasa for most part with several different Languages spoken in different regions/islands, javanese on Java etc.
Bernie | UNCLEAR!!!
Written by stevetroster (1549 comments posted) 29th June 2007 | God help us, we certainly don’t want any golbal conflagration, whatever that is!! Sounds a bit rude!!!
“English is not your mother tongue - which is precisely why I do not attempt to write in Indonesian!”
There’s nothing wrong with broadening your linguistic horizons, education is such a wonderful thing!!
I sometimes struggle with the reasoning behind people taking the English language and treating the words therein like numbers. A lot of poetry that is written is more a numerical formula than a piece of literature. Word logarithms. Droopin’ Lupins in 4/4 time with a common denominator of eight and a curd wangle on the perpendicular.
I agree that Johnny was well out of his depth on this one, but it was probably written from the heart (albeit a misguided heart).
Still, on the plus side, Johnny, you do seem to get an awful lot of reviews from Oli, so you must be doing something right!!!
Is it love or just a passing phase do you think??
Best wishes
Steve.
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Written by stevetroster (1549 comments posted) 29th June 2007 | Education being a wonderful thing:
The Kashmir conflict between China, India, and Pakistan - all of whom have nuclear weapons.
India has fought three wars with Pakistan: in 1947, 1965, and 1999, and with China in 1962 over Kashmir.
I believe, Johnny, that you live in Bombay?? So maybe the threat of nuclear confrontation is closer to home for you.
Wasn’t so long ago though that we had the cold war, and fear of Russian nukes hanging over our heads.
Political viewpoint, like art, is a very fickle beast.
Always pays to checkout a few facts.
Best wishes
Steve.
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