our pains are ours, and our joys shared...
There’s this village
Where peace has been pulled apart
And the government has sworn to repair it
There’s this village
Where there is no war or the smell of it
But soldiers are positioned at alert
There’s this village
Where fathers fall silent and prostrate
Like lizards at the cough of gunshots
There’s this village
Where mothers run up and down and naked
Mouthing hex on politicians and peace keepers
There’s this village
Where boys are collected and whipped like cows
And girls are swooped upon as delicious meals
There’s this village
Where the stink of
ganja shivers in the air
And the outpost reeks of spilled beer and semen
There’s this village
Where politics and oil have turned the land to shards
And the outside world strolls on.
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Written by Phil (6688 comments posted) 29th June 2007 |
Very effective piece. A shame you didn't include the intro in the poem in some way. Perhaps it could be used as a title. This contains some horrible but hard hitting images. It certainly pulls no punches - delivers shocking blows even. The repetition of the first line works well, but I kept wanting to read: There's a village. - I don't know if you wanted to refer to a specific village or be more general in your coverage - ie/ there are many villages where this happens. Very thought provoking and challenging. For that alone, excellent. I also thought it a good piece of poetry. Phil. |
Village story Written by gshelme (152 comments posted) 29th June 2007 |
| I have only been a member for a week, so I have been catching up with peoples past works, I must admit this piece instilled more emotion in me than any other,well written and poignant. |
Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 29th June 2007 |
| I found the first two stanzas a tad banal but I loved the line in stanza 3 "Like lizards at the cough of gunshots"- it calls up a vivid image. The last stanza is powerful too, though I agree with Phil that "a village" would be better than "this village". "This" sounds too casual for your subject matter. |
thanks Written by uche (44 comments posted) 29th June 2007 |
i'm really gladdened by the reviews thanks. will correct accordingly.; |
Ugly Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 29th June 2007 |
But then reality often is - and I suppose art must reflect the real world, warts and all. This could be any of thousands of war torn regions - but with the mention of Oil and "ganja" I'm thinking Nigeria? May well be wrong. To start every stanza with exactly the same line seems to me to be needless repetition - others may see it as adding emphasis. I too like the "cough of gunshots". All in all, a not ineffective effort. Oli |
Hi Written by maipenrai (783 comments posted) 29th June 2007 |
an excellent write which to me is very, very moving, you tell a story of how many, many people have to live. sadly the village could be in many places, DRC, Liberia, Sierre Leone, Darfur all spring to mind. I mention the above because in your piece you mention Peacekeepers. Again, a powerful, moving write. Bernie |
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