Scene  1

AN INTENSIVE CARE WARD IN A LOCAL HOSPITAL.

APART FROM A BED CONTAINING A MOTIONLESS FORM THE STAGE IS EMPTY AS THE LIGHTS COME UP. A NURSE ENTERS. SHE BUSTLES ROUND THE BEDSIDE OF WALTER WHO IS COVERED IN BANDAGES AND HAS NUMEROUS MONITORS AND DRIPS ATTACHED TO HIM.
 
THE NURSE LEAVES AND HILLARY AND MARTHA ENTER.

HILLARY
Here we are again then Mum. You go sit by Dad, have a chat to him.

MARTHA
Where? Where are we?

HILLARY
We’re here to see Dad.

MARTHA
Where’s that man gone?

HILLARY
Man? What man?

MARTHA
The one who brought us..... in the taxi.

HILLARY
Eddie? You mean Eddie?

MARTHA
In my day we didn’t know a tradesman by his first name.

HILLARY

Eddie is my husband

MARTHA
Much less marry them

HILLARY BITES HER TONGUE AND STUDIES THE BOARD AT THE FOOT OF THE BED. MARTHA PEERS OVER HER SHOULDER TRYING TO SEE.

HILLARY
I wish you’d sit down Mum, you know you don’t understand this.

MARTHA
I’m sorry Nurse. Do this, do that, stand up, sit down.

SHE SITS

HILLARY
No change anyway

MARTHA
You’d know?

HILLARY
Why don’t you talk to Dad?

MARTHA
He never talks back. Just lies there taking it all in and never saying a word in return. It’s just like having him at home.

TO WALTER

Take it all in, don’t you.?

HILLARY
Oh Mum.

MARTHA SLUMPS BACK IN THE CHAIR AND IS SILENT. THE DOCTOR ENTERS. DURING THE SEQUENCE WITH THE DOCTOR, MARTHA WILL GRADUALLY NOD OFF AND SEEM TO FALL ASLEEP.

DOCTOR
Here you are then.

HILLARY
I was just saying that to Mother. Here we are again. It seems like we’ve been coming here forever.

DOCTOR
How long is it now?

HILLARY
Twice a day for three weeks..., course that’s just Eddie and me. Celia and Duncan don’t come as often. They both work so it’s difficult in the afternoons.

DOCTOR
Yes of course

HILLARY
No change then?

DOCTOR
I’m afraid not

HILLARY
Still...

DOCTOR
Still?

HILLARY
Early days, plenty of time.

DOCTOR
I wanted to have a word with you about that. I thought it was time we had a chat.

HILLARY
A chat?

DOCTOR
Yes

HILLARY
About Dad

DOCTOR
Yes

HILLARY
Some new treatment?

DOCTOR
Do you remember our conversation of a few days ago?

HILLARY
I don’t think so

DOCTOR
No? I said if there were no change by today then there wouldn’t be.

HILLARY
Did you?

DOCTOR
I think you should prepare to make a decision regarding the patient, your father.

HILLARY
What kind of decision?

DOCTOR
Do you recall what we discussed previously?

HILLARY
About ...er?

DOCTOR
Switching off the ventilator.

HILLARY
Did we?

DOCTOR
It was a couple of days ago. We stood in this very room and talked about the possibility of your father not getting any better. I said if there were no

improvement by today there wouldn’t be any at all.

HILLARY
Another few days might make all the difference

DOCTOR
You do understand  what I’m saying to you. (BEAT) That there is no chance of a recovery. (BEAT) I am sorry, very, very sorry. (BEAT) We did all we

could....... but in this instance I’m afraid it just wasn’t enough.

HILLARY
You might be sorry. You might even be very very sorry but it’s still only a job. You
can go home tonight and forget all about it.

EDDIE ENTERS TWIDDLING WITH HIS CAR KEYS.

EDDIE
Trouble I’ve had parking that car. Do you know it’s Pay and Display now? Fancy making you pay to visit your sick relatives. Thought I’d use the Staff car

park and that’s miles away. And do you know, even they have to pay.

HE SUDDENLY REALISES THERE’S A BIT OF TENSION IN THE AIR

TO DOCTOR

Evening

HE LOOKS AT HILLARY - SHE IGNORES HIM.

HILLARY
Have I got this right then? You want us to give permission for you to kill my father?

DOCTOR
That’s a very emotive way of putting it

HILLARY
I feel very emotive. That’s my father lying there with all those tubes and things sticking in him.

DOCTOR
Mrs...?

EDDIE
Simpkin

DOCTOR
Yes, of course. Forgive me I meet so many people.

EDDIE
Maybe you should give us all name badges

THE DOCTOR IGNORES HIM.

DOCTOR
Mrs. Simpkin, to all intents and purposes your father is no longer with us.

EDDIE
That’s funny, I could have sworn it was Walter in that bed. Who is it then, some refugee from maternity?

HILLARY
Not now Eddie. Go on Doctor.

DOCTOR
How can I put this. (BEAT) When I say that Mr...?

EDDIE
Neal

DOCTOR
Is no longer with us I am not referring to his physical presence. There is no dispute that Mr. Neal is lying in that bed. I am of course referring to...

MARTHA
That’s not my Walter

HILLARY
Mother please. The Doctor’s just explaining about Dad. What his chances are. Isn’t that right Doctor?

DOCTOR
The point is...

MARTHA
My Walter was always so active, always on the go.

EDDIE
Mainly down the bookies

HILLARY
Eddie!

MARTHA
He’s just lying there. What’s the matter with him?

DOCTOR
Mrs...

HILLARY
Simpkin

DOCTOR
You have my deepest sympathy. Although it is, as you so rightly say, my job, I still find it difficult giving relatives news of this nature. Even after all

these years.

EDDIE
You’ll have me in tears in a minute mate. Why not cut the crap and just say; ‘We need the bed.’

DOCTOR
I beg your pardon

EDDIE
You know exactly what I mean. Health service being run down, sold off to local businessmen. Vital departments being moved miles away. Wards closing, shortage

o’ beds. Mate o’ mine was in here last month; went for a pee one day and found someone else in the bed when he got back. It’s disgusting.

DOCTOR
I take great exception to those remarks

EDDIE
Truth - nothing but the truth.

DOCTOR
We have a loyal and dedicated staff here.

EDDIE
And three less wards than this time last year

DOCTOR
There have been some changes

EDDIE
Some?

DOCTOR
A certain streamlining of recourses

EDDIE
Same old bullshit. Are you sure you’re a Doctor?

DOCTOR
I do have a certain responsibility regarding the money I spend but the level of patient care is as high now as ever it was.

EDDIE
As ever it was when? The 19th century? Oh look (HE POINTS OUTSIDE) There goes Florence but, oh look, her lamps gone out.

HILLARY
This isn’t doing us any good Eddie.

EDDIE
This is your father we’re talking about. This bloke here, this Doctor, wants to turn him off because his recovery isn’t going according to plan. There’s

probably someone on a trolley in a side corridor waiting for this bed.

MARTHA
I’m not having him burnt. I want a good Christian burial for my Walter.

DOCTOR
My advice is based on many years of experience of this type of case. To be perfectly frank with you...

EDDIE
Now that would be novel

DOCTOR
Mrs. Simpkin, let me be blunt. Your father is not going to recover. We have tried our best but to no avail. It’s only the machinery that’s breathing for him.

Your father is medically dead, it only remains for us to switch of the ventilator and he can then be certified legally dead and this lady can give her

husband the Christian burial he deserves.

EDDIE
Don’t try and soften the blow

DOCTOR
I’m sure you don’t want to cause yourself or your family any unnecessary distress by continually visiting under these circumstances.

EDDIE
Unplug him then? Switch him off. That’s your solution?

DOCTOR
Mr

EDDIE
Simpkin

DOCTOR
Yes Mr. Simpkin, that is my advice. My professional advice.

MARTHA
Well I say switch him off

HILLARY
Mother?

DOCTOR
I think that is a wise and if I may say so, brave decision. If you would care to pop into the office Mrs. Neal we can go through the paperwork. A necessary

formality I’m afraid but it will only take a few minutes.

HILLARY
Wait a minute Doctor. Surely you can see that my mother simply isn’t capable of making such a decision.

EDDIE
Calls himself a Doctor and can’t recognise senility when it greets him.

HILLARY
Eddie you’re not helping.

EDDIE
If it weren’t for me you’d have been bamboozled into switching your father off by now.

DOCTOR
Perhaps I should leave you to talk things over for a while.

HILLARY
That might be a good idea

DOCTOR
Shall we say 8.30 that will give you thirty minutes.

EDDIE
Hang on pal, this is a hospital?

DOCTOR
Yes

EDDIE
And you are a Doctor?

DOCTOR
Is there some point to this?

EDDIE
So it’s your job to keep people alive and maybe even make them better

HILLARY
Eddie!

EDDIE
He’s only been here three weeks. You hear of people being in a coma for months on end, even years, and then making a full recovery. So (TO DOCTOR) what makes

you so sure he’s not going to make it?

DOCTOR
You do. I can’t deny it. You do hear of cases like that. And do you know why those cases get all the publicity? Because they’re so unusual, that’s why.

EDDIE
What do you need, another fifty pence for the meter.

DOCTOR
You just don’t get it do you?

HILLARY
Would it help to talk to him

DOCTOR
Mrs Simpkin

HILLARY
Or someone famous to talk to him. Who did Dad like on the tele. Oh that woman, what’s her name from Coronation Street.

EDDIE
Hillary

HILLARY
I don’t suppose she’d come in person but she might do a tape.

DOCTOR
Mrs Simpkin, this is really not doing any good at all. Your father is beyond all medical help. He sustained the most appalling injuries. It’s a wonder he

wasn’t killed outright. Not many years ago he would have been Dead on Arrival. It was only the skill of the Paramedic that saved him.

EDDIE
Saved him for this

DOCTOR
The only thing you can be thankful for is that he suffered no pain.

HILLARY
You don’t know that

DOCTOR
Believe me, I do. All you’re doing is prolonging the agony for yourself and your family. I honestly do sympathise with you but there’s nothing I or anyone

else can do for him.

EDDIE
So that’s it?

DOCTOR
I’m afraid so. No amount of talking to him or playing tapes of famous people will bring him round.

HILLARY
There’s no chance at all.

EDDIE
Tell you what Doc, you run along and stick a needle in someone’s arse and we’ll discuss the situation.

DOCTOR
Take as long as you like; there really isn’t any rush. You can contact me via the Sisters office.

HE EXITS

MARTHA
I could have told you talking to him wouldn’t do any good.

HILLARY
It might

MARTHA
He never listened to me once in forty years

EDDIE
Hillary love, it wouldn’t matter if the whole cast of Coronation Street turned up and did a clog dance. It’s the end.

HILLARY
Oh Eddie

MARTHA
Serve him right if we do turn him off. Look at him lying there pretending to be my husband.

HILLARY
He is your husband. And why would it serve him right?

MARTHA
Fancy getting run over by a bus at his age. He should have known better.

HILLARY
You can get run over by a bus at any age Mum. You can’t blame Dad for that.

MARTHA
It’s never happened to me.

EDDIE
More’s the pity

HILLARY
It would have done had you been with him

MARTHA
I’ve never been in a bookies in my life.

EDDIE
He was drunk anyway. Smashed out of his skull. In a manner of speaking.

MARTHA
He was always drunk. He used to hit me.

HILLARY
TO EDDIE
Dad was?

TO MARTHA
Dad never hit you in his life

HILLARY
TO EDDIE
Dad was drunk?

EDDIE
The bus driver! The flaming bus driver. He was that drunk he fell out of the cab when the coppers got to him. He couldn’t even blow in the bag.

MARTHA
Your Uncle Jack used to be a bus driver

HILLARY
Eddie love, why don’t you take Mum for a walk, get a cup of tea. There’s a very nice restaurant.

EDDIE
Do I have to?

HILLARY
Yes please, for me eh? I’d like to spend some time alone with Dad

EDDIE
Come on then you old bat.

MARTHA
Where are we going, back in the taxi?

EDDIE AND MARTHA EXIT

End of Scene

Scene 2

HILLARY SITS AT HER FATHERS BEDSIDE AND TAKES HIS HAND. AT THIS STAGE IN THE PROCEEDINGS THE SPIRIT OF WALTER SHOULD RISE/APPEAR FROM THE BED AND COME TO THE FRONT OF THE ACTING AREA. THE FOLLOWING SEQUENCE IS SPOKEN TO THE AUDIENCE.

WALTER
Thank God for that. I say thank God without as yet having any proof of his existence but old habits die-hard. I’m glad they’ve gone. I was beginning to get a

bit of a head. A nice stretch of peace and quiet is what I need now. It’s bad enough being in my present state without all that racket going on.

You know it’s a funny thing this being dead. There’s some aspects of it that I’m not too sure about. A certain element of confusion. In fact to speak the truth, there’s a lot about it that bothers me. I was never what you might called a religious type. A Christmas Eve Christian that’s me. I always used to say; when you’re dead you’re dead and that’s it. None of this life after death malarkey.

A NURSE COMES IN QUIETLY WITH A CUP OF TEA FOR HILLARY. SHE BUSTLES ABOUT THE BED CHECKING THE DRIPS AND MONITORS. HILLARY SIPS AT HER TEA. WHEN THE NURSE HAS GONE WALTER RESUMES.

That was Sally, pretty little thing. Engaged to a mechanic. Now that Doctor has been to University, Medical School, he’s had on the job training, spent long hours on the Casualty ward. He’s seen a few dead bodies in his time. He’s had years of experience at looking at people in my condition and then making a diagnosis based on his knowledge and experience. I can’t argue with that. I’d be a fool to try. That’s the system and up to a point it works.

But he can’t know everything, can he? That Doctor. Has there been some kind of mistake, a bit of a cock-up? They happen in even the most well run systems. Am

I just a glitch in the statistics? Will they talk in hushed tones in years to come of the one who nearly got away. Are they out there now searching for me so they can tidy things up, smooth things over, turn the light out as it were. I must admit to feeling a little strange, not quite the same as usual. There’s something not quite right about all this, but I’ll tell you one thing right now; I’m not dead. (POINTS AT BED) He might be, but I’m not.

I can’t remember much about what happened. I’d just come out of the paper shop, racing post and a packet of Woodbines and was crossing the road to get to the

betting shop - when this big green thing appeared from nowhere. Sometime later, how much later I couldn’t say having lost all track of time I woke up and felt a bit seedy. You know as though I’d had too much ale the night before.

It was a right queer feeling. I felt all light and fluffy, like a cloud I remember thinking. Anyway I opened my eyes and got a hell of a shock. I was on the

bloody ceiling. I looked down and got another shock; there was someone covered in bandages lying in a hospital bed. I thought that bugger looks poorly. He looked kind of familiar so I drifted down for a closer look and that’s when I got the biggest shock of all. He looked exactly like me.

I didn’t quite grasp straight away that it was me, well you wouldn’t, would you? I thought at first I must be dreaming. I looked around carefully but as far as I could see there was two of us. One on the bed covered in bandages and me on the ceiling.

A nurse came in and checked him, or me. I just hovered. I still wasn’t sure that it wasn’t a dream but everything was so clear, unlike any dream I’d had

before. I tried talking to the young lassie but she didn't answer. I found that by thinking about it carefully I could move down from the ceiling. I drifted

down and stood in front of the nurse and she looked straight through me as though I wasn’t there.

Well, I’m used to being ignored, I come from a big family but I don’t mind admitting that right at that moment I felt so alone and scared you wouldn’t believe it. A chill went right through my body. It was completely outside any experience that I’d had before. The nurse went and I was left all alone with him. I know things are a bit different in hospitals now but I thought someone would be along to explain things to me. Consultant perhaps.

But no, not a soul. I found that if I didn’t concentrate on staying at ground level I would rise slowly back to the ceiling and there I’d float like one of those silly balloons that kids have. Time passed, as it does. I began to feel tired, as you would. I had this sudden sensation of falling and seemed to be heading towards the bundle of bandages at an incredible speed. Then I seemed to fall asleep.

I slept and woke up on the ceiling again, stayed there for a while, slept again, woke up on the ceiling again. Just like a flaming yo yo, up and down, up and

down. What the hell’s happening? That’s what I want to know.

HILLARY
I wonder if you can hear me Dad?

WALTER
I can love, I can.

HILLARY
You look so peaceful lying there.

WALTER
She can’t see me either. But I am feeling peaceful now. I know given the circumstances it sounds ridiculous but all those nagging little aches and pains have

gone. In fact I haven’t felt as well as this for years.

HILLARY
I don’t suppose you know what’s happening.

WALTER
I’m a bit confused. You have cleared one thing up for me though. That big green thing that hit me. Call me daft but I’d been thinking dragons.

HILLARY
Oh, Dad, fancy getting hit by a bus.

WALTER
You can’t blame me for that, the driver was drunk. I never had a chance, it just appeared.

HILLARY
I don’t suppose you know the worry you’ve caused.

WALTER
It’s hardly been a picnic for me.

HILLARY
We’re all praying for you Dad

WALTER
I know lass. I think it’ll take a bit more than prayer though. I wish there was some way of letting her know I was all right.

EDDIE ENTERS

EDDIE
Any change?

HILLARY

Don’t be daft. He’s been like this for three weeks. There’s hardly likely to be any change as soon as you’ve gone out for a cuppa. Anyway, where’s Mother? I

hope you haven’t lost her.

EDDIE
Gone visiting

HILLARY
Who else does she know in here?

WALTER
Mrs Turner from Victoria Street.

EDDIE
Mrs Turner from Victoria Street.

HILLARY
What’s wrong with her?

WALTER
Had a fall in the street.

EDDIE
Had a fall in the street apparently.

WALTER
This floating about business can be quite useful. I’ve not been far yet, but all you have to do is think where you want to be and Bingo, there you are. I can

certainly recommend it as a form of travel. It beats buses anyway.

HILLARY
What do you think Eddie?

EDDIE
About your Dad?

HILLARY
What else?

EDDIE
World economy, price of fish?

HILLARY
You’re hopeless. How am I expected to cope without any help from you?

EDDIE
Just trying to lighten the situation.

HILLARY
How can you lighten this particular situation?

EDDIE
I tell you something Hillary, if it was the other way round and I was lying there your Dad would be laughing and joking with you.

WALTER
You wanna swap?

HILLARY
Maybe

EDDIE
No maybe

WALTER
He’s right, a sense of humour helps in a tense situation.

HILLARY
That Doctor’s convinced there’s no chance.

EDDIE
Doctor’s! What do they know? If I was ill the last person I’d want would be a Doctor.

WALTER
He could be right, they never managed to cure my arthritis and that’s a fact but do you know ...... I haven’t felt it for a while now.

HILLARY
Dad’s not just ill. He suffered massive internal injuries.

WALTER
Get walloped by a bus; what do you expect?

HILLARY
It’s only the machine keeping him breathing.

EDDIE
You wouldn’t believe the Doctor when he told you that.

HILLARY
I don’t know what to think Eddie. Sometimes I feel as though he’s so close.

WALTER
I am

HILLARY
I feel as though he understands when I talk to him.

WALTER
I do

HILLARY
I wish he’d respond

WALTER LOOKS HELPLESS.

EDDIE
Have you given any though to what the Doctor said?

HILLARY
About turning the machine off?

EDDIE
Yeah

HILLARY
Do you think we should?

EDDIE
He’s 67

WALTER
I’ve had a good innings.

EDDIE
He’s had............

HILLARY
Don’t say he’s had a good innings.

WALTER
I’d have liked a another twenty or thirty on the scoreboard to be honest.

EDDIE
It’s three weeks now love. We’ve been coming here every night for three weeks.

HILLARY
And afternoons

WALTER
Three weeks?

EDDIE
I think we should face up to it.

HILLARY
You’ve changed your tune

EDDIE
I didn’t want that Doctor thinking he could snap his fingers and we’d jump.

HILLARY
But you think he’s right?

EDDIE
As much as I hate to admit it.

HILLARY
It feels like I’m betraying him. What would he do if it was me?

EDDIE
Agonise as much as you are and then make the right decision.

WALTER NODS IN AGREEMENT.

HILLARY
Switch off?

EDDIE
I think so

HILLARY
I’m not sure. I need longer to think about this.

EDDIE
Is he a donor? Your Dad, has he a donor card?

HILLARY
I don’t know. Is it important?

WALTER
I’m not as it happens. A bit like tempting fate if you ask me

EDDIE
They’re bound to ask. They’re bound to want some of his bits.

HILLARY
Don’t say that, I can’t bear the thought.

EDDIE
He wouldn’t know

WALTER
I would

EDDIE
When you’re dead you’re dead.

WALTER
He’s got a surprise coming.

EDDIE
That’s what he always said; ‘When you’re dead, you’re dead.’

HILLARY
You don’t think there’s anything else?

EDDIE
Do you?

HILLARY
Not really

EDDIE
He never did.

WALTER
I’ve changed my mind.

EDDIE
Just think he might be stood next to you right now.

HILLARY
Oh Eddie, don’t.

EDDIE
Don’t be silly, your Dad wouldn’t hurt you. Wouldn’t hurt a fly your Dad.

WALTER
I can think of a certain bus driver.

HILLARY
You don’t think he is, do you?

EDDIE
You never know. Walter? Can you hear me?

WALTER
Aye lad

EDDIE
Fancy a pint over the road?

WALTER
I’d kill for a pint

EDDIE
And what about the 3.30 at Doncaster?

WALTER
You’ve got me there lad, I haven’t seen a paper for weeks.

HILLARY
Stop it Eddie! Stop it now.

EDDIE
Sorry love, didn’t mean to upset you.

HILLARY
You saying all those things. All the things he enjoyed do much; his pleasures. The thought that he’ll never do any of them again it’s just..............

EDDIE
I’m sorry love. It’s just that death is the last great mystery

WALTER
The mystery is what happens next. What do you do, where do you go?

EDDIE
What do you do, where do you go?

WALTER
There’s an echo in here

HILLARY
It would be nice to think there was something else.

WALTER
I’ve got this strange feeling that someone is trying to contact me.

HILLARY
Oh Dad

WALTER
Not her but someone here where I am now.

CELIA ENTERS WITH MARTHA

CELIA
Look who I found wandering around outside. Any change?

HILLARY
What on earth were you doing outside Mum?

CELIA
Said she was visiting.

EDDIE
Run out of beds inside have they? Thought they would sooner or later. Still it’s a nice enough night, might not lose too many.

CELIA
Wandering around in the car-park she was.

HILLARY
I blame you for this Eddie

EDDIE
Yeah, I just took her to the door and threw her out.

CELIA
She could have been run over the way those ambulances come speeding in.

EDDIE
A pity they don’t go speeding out, they might have got to your father a bit sooner.

HILLARY
They did their best, the traffic was dreadful.

EDDIE
Still not many better places to be run over; by an ambulance in a hospital car-park.

HILLARY
Ignore him Celia

CELIA
I do love, I’ve got one just the same.

EDDIE
Don’t suppose they’d stop anyway - against regulations. Sorry Madam, didn’t see you there. Sorry can’t stop and render assistance we’re just going down the

chip shop. Why don’t you try calling 999?

HILLARY
No one’s taking any notice of you Eddie

TO CELIA
Where’s Duncan?

CELIA
Where do you think?

HILLARY
The pub

EDDIE
What an excellent idea. I think I’ll join him and let you two girls discuss the situation.

EDDIE LEAVES.

WALTER
I think I’ll join you, wait for me Eddie.

WALTER LEAVES.

 

 

Scene 1

THE LOUNGE BAR OF THE LOCAL PUB.

AS THE CURTAIN RISES AND THE LIGHT COME UP WE SEE EDDIE & DUNCAN SEATED AT A TABLE. THE THIRD CHAIR IS OCCUPIED BY WALTER.

EDDIE
What do you reckon then Dunc?

DUNCAN
They do a nice pint here. The place is a bit run down, could do with half a million spending on it. But he keeps a nice pint.

WALTER
Not much chance of me having one.

EDDIE
That’s it Dunc get your priorities right

DUNCAN
And there’s a nice Bed Bint behind the bar. Very important in a pub.

EDDIE
Absolutely

DUNCAN
No change over the road?

EDDIE
Doctor Frankenstein wants to pull the plug

DUNCAN
I’m not surprised. I don’t know the slightest thing about medical matters but one look at Walter told me all I needed to know.

EDDIE
Which is?

DUNCAN
He’s a goner.......... he’s had it.

EDDIE
I think you’re right.

DUNCAN
It’s a pity everybody doesn’t think that way.

EDDIE
You mean Hillary?

DUNCAN
We all know that Walter’s dead or as good as. It’s sad but there you are. That’s life. You have to accept it. Sooner or later she’ll have to accept it.

EDDIE
She’s getting there. We have to give her some time. It’s only been three weeks.

DUNCAN
Three weeks is a long time to be like that. There’s hasn’t been a flicker.

EDDIE
She’s upset, confused. It is her father.

DUNCAN
Celia’s upset as well.

EDDIE
Yeah, well.

DUNCAN
Well what?

EDDIE
Celia’s a lot tougher. She’d have had him turned off weeks ago.

DUNCAN
Yeah. Cow! It might have been better all round if the ambulance had taken another 10 minutes.

EDDIE
Aye.

DUNCAN
If he’d been certified dead on arrival.

EDDIE
If there was a chance though, however slight.

DUNCAN
It would have been all over by now; the funeral, the ham tea, reading of the will.

EDDIE
I expect she’d just be coming top terms with it now. (BEAT) Will?

DUNCAN
Last Will and Testament

EDDIE
I know what you mean. You don’t think he’s got much to leave, do you?

DUNCAN
I always thought he did rather well on the Gee Gees.

EDDIE
Did he?

DUNCAN
So I understood

EDDIE
Oh

DUNCAN
I thought you’d have known, you always saw more of them than we did.

EDDIE
True enough. You’re not suggesting anything are you?

DUNCAN
‘Course not Eddie.

EDDIE
Aye, well.

DUNCAN
You were rather quick to defend yourself though.

EDDIE
I’m sure if he’d anything to leave he’d have done it fairly.

DUNCAN
I’m sure he would

WALTER
I did have one or two triumphs over the local bookie.

EDDIE
I don’t suppose he’s left a will anyway.

DUNCAN
Could be messy then.

EDDIE
Why?

DUNCAN
Families falling out over the loot.

EDDIE
There won’t be any loot. Walter, money? No!

DUNCAN
He’s probably got a small fortune stashed away somewhere.

WALTER
If only they knew where to look.

EDDIE
Just suppose he did have a nest egg?

DUNCAN
Go on, I’m supposing.

EDDIE
And he hadn’t left a will.

WALTER
Which I haven’t

DUNCAN
Go on

EDDIE
Wouldn’t it all go to Martha? As his next of kin.

DUNCAN
I suppose it would Eddie boy.

EDDIE
It doesn’t bear thinking about

DUNCAN
Can you imagine Martha with a pile of fivers? She’d probably use it to light the fire.

EDDIE
What a waste

DUNCAN
We could apply for power of attorney

EDDIE
Could we?

DUNCAN
Oh yes. A judge wouldn’t need much convincing that she wasn’t responsible for her
own affairs.

EDDIE
There won’t be any money

DUNCAN
You never know. He was a canny old boy.

EDDIE
I don’t want to think about it. It doesn’t seem right with him lying there in a coma.

DUNCAN
You’re right. Fancy another?

WALTER
I do

EDDIE
Go on I’ll risk it.

DUNCAN GOES TO THE BAR

WALTER
I wonder if I can make contact

HE STOOPS AND SPEAKS TO EDDIE.

Back bedroom............... under the floorboards.  Back bedroom. Back bedroom. Under the floorboards. Back bedroom............. under the floorboards.

DUNCAN RETURNS FROM THE BAR.

DUNCAN
No luck with a job yet?

EDDIE
You must be joking. Every firm in town is laying off.

DUNCAN
No call for skilled men anymore.

EDDIE
No

DUNCAN
If there was anything I could do.

EDDIE
Thanks Dunc.

DUNCAN
Things are a bit tight for me as well.

EDDIE
Don’t worry about it.

DUNCAN
I had to let a couple of men go last week

EDDIE
Oh?

DUNCAN
Nice chaps

EDDIE
They usually are.

DUNCAN
I think I’ve cracked it with that barmaid

EDDIE
Oh yeah

DUNCAN
Very friendly.

EDDIE
That’s part of the job

WALTER
Being friendly to morons like you

DUNCAN
That skirt leaves nothing to the imagination. I’m sure she fancies me.

WALTER
Actually she thinks he’s a right Dick-head.

EDDIE
She keeps looking over here.

DUNCAN
Really?

EDDIE
Just kidding.

DUNCAN
You OK Eddie? You seem a bit down.

EDDIE
It’s old Walter

WALTER
Less of the old

EDDIE
He’s just lying there.

WALTER
I’m only 67, that’s no age these days.

DUNCAN
He never liked me you know

EDDIE
He did

WALTER
I didn’t

DUNCAN
He was always quietly sarcastic to me.

EDDIE
That was just his way

DUNCAN
But I can’t help feeling sorry for the old sod

WALTER
Bloody cheek

EDDIE
I used to get on all right with him

WALTER
He never called me Walter though, whenever he wanted to attract my attention he’d hover and cough in hope. A bit like me now.

DUNCAN
I suppose I liked him really

WALTER
You needn’t have bothered.

EDDIE
I wonder if he’s aware of anything

DUNCAN
I shouldn’t think so. He’s dead. Brain dead. It’s just a mechanical pump keeping him going.

EDDIE
What about after this life?

DUNCAN
Who knows. Do you?

EDDIE
I’ve been reading a few books about it recently. Life after death, reincarnation, that sort of thing.

DUNCAN
Oh yeah

EDDIE
I think there might be something in it.

DUNCAN
What exactly is reincarnation?

EDDIE
Your soul keeps being reborn over a period of years in a succession of different bodies. You live different lives as different people with the intention of

doing better each time.

DUNCAN
The ultimate in recycling.

EDDIE
It would be great if it happened.

DUNCAN
You think?

EDDIE
Yeah I do.

DUNCAN
You think Walter's floating about somewhere right now waiting to be reborn?

EDDIE
I dunno Dunc. Nobody really knows.

WALTER
I know boys.

EDDIE
Anyway he’s not dead yet.

DUNCAN
Brain dead

WALTER
I wish he’d stop saying that. The brains are over the road. This is the part I’m
interested in.

EDDIE
He’s in limbo

WALTER
He’s right, I am.

DUNCAN
The best thing we can do for Walter is get that machine switched off.

EDDIE
And speed him on his way.

DUNCAN
Another?

EDDIE
I’ll come with you, look at this barmaid.

AS EDDIE & DUNCAN WALKS TO THE BAR A MAN, STANLEY, PASSES THEM AND SITS NEXT TO WALTER.

STANLEY
Hey up, Walter.

WALTER
STARTLED
Hello

STANLEY
Hello boy, how’s things?

WALTER
You can see me?

STANLEY
‘Course I can.

WALTER
Are you...............?

STANLEY
What?

WALTER
You know

STANLEY
You’ll have to be more specific.

WALTER
Dead. Are you dead?

STANLEY
Do I look dead? I’ve never felt better.

WALTER
You look familiar

STANLEY
I should.

WALTER
I feel as though I should know you.

STANLEY
You do

WALTER
You look a bit like my Uncle Stanley, but.....

STANLEY
Good to know I haven’t changed.

WALTER
You can’t be

STANLEY
Surprised to see me?

WALTER
I’ll say. You’ve been dead twenty years.

STANLEY
No such thing my old son. Death doesn’t exist.

WALTER
That’s bad news for undertakers.

STANLEY
The physical body dies but the soul lives on. Forever.

WALTER
I can’t tell you what a relief it is to see you. I’ve been wandering round for ages
wondering what was going to happen next.

STANLEY
We should have got to you before but there was a bit of a cock-up I’m afraid. Your welcoming guide disappeared.

WALTER
Disappeared?

STANLEY
Went on a bender if the truth be known. He’s still drying out now.

WALTER
On a bender, you mean you can..............?

STANLEY
Oh aye.

WALTER
What about............?

STANLEY
That as well

WALTER
This is getting better all the time. Are we off then?

STANLEY
Not just yet. You’ll be joining us quite soon though.

WALTER
Us?

STANLEY
The family.

WALTER
Family?

STANLEY
I think you’re getting a bit slow in your old age.

WALTER
My family? Are they here?

STANLEY
Most of them. You can’t see them but they’re close by, waiting.

WALTER
Mother?

STANLEY
She’s here.

WALTER
Oh my. I can’t quite believe this, Uncle Stan of all people

STANLEY
What a way to go Walter. Hit by a bus.

WALTER
A big green thing. Bugger was pissed you know.

STANLEY
He’ll die in sleep when he’s 92.

WALTER
There’s no justice. I’ve always said there’s no justice.

STANLEY
Oh there is, more than you realise.

WALTER
How do you know anyway, about the bus driver?

STANLEY
Looked it up

WALTER
You can do that?

STANLEY
I can

WALTER
You’re well in then?

STANLEY
I’ve been there a while now, know a few people.

WALTER
What happens next?

STANLEY
When you join us?

WALTER
Where do I go from here?

STANLEY
Not far.

WALTER
Heaven?

STANLEY
No such place

WALTER
No heaven?

STANLEY
Nor hell

WALTER
You’ve got to have balance I suppose

STANLEY
Well not as such anyway.

WALTER
I’d knew there be a catch, there’s always a catch.

STANLEY
You’ll go to a recovery centre first

WALTER
Recovery centre?

STANLEY
Bit like a hospital. All new arrivals go there first.

WALTER
Why?

STANLEY
A lot of people when they first join us refuse to accept what has happened, especially in the case of sudden death like yours.

WALTER
I know what you mean

STANLEY
You’ll be all right, you’ve had a while to get used to the idea because of this cock-up with your guide. A lot of people though, think they’re dreaming. It can take quite a while for them to realise that life, as they knew it has changed and they have to move on to the next stage.

WALTER
Next stage?

STANLEY
Once they’ve come to terms with it they can leave the recovery centre and start
leading a normal life.

WALTER
What’s this next stage business?

STANLEY
I’ve told you too much already. You’ve plenty of time to learn things.

WALTER
Is there any pain?

STANLEY
Physical pain is a thing of the past Walter.

WALTER
Glad to hear it.

STANLEY
I must be off now lad, things to organise. Don’t worry I’ll be back soon.

WALTER
What shall I do?

STANLEY
Just wait.

EDDIE AND DUNCAN RETURN.

You might like to have another go at Eddie about the money.

WALTER
O.k. where should I wait?

STANLEY
Wherever you like. We’ll find you.

WALTER
This guide?

STANLEY
Yes?

WALTER
The one that disappeared.

STANLEY
Yes?

WALTER
Who was it?

STANLEY
Your father

WALTER
Typical

STANLEY EXITS

WALTER
TO EDDIE
Back bedroom............. under the floorboards. Eddie, are you listening? Back bedroom, under the floorboards.

EDDIE
Has it ever happened to you Dunc, where a sudden thought just pops into your head?

DUNCAN
I told you that barmaid was a right looker.

EDDIE
I don’t mean that sort of thought.

DUNCAN
What then?

EDDIE
I’ve just had a sudden urge to clean the bedroom carpet.

WALTER
We might be onto something here.

DUNCAN
What?

EDDIE
It just popped into my head

WALTER
Back bedroom.......... under the floorboards.

EDDIE
It’s there again, I can’t get it out of my head.

DUNCAN
It’s the strain, it’s bound to get to you.

WALTER
Come on now lad, concentrate. Back bedroom, under the floorboards. Ten
thousand pounds.

EDDIE
It’s gone now.

DUNCAN
Right

WALTER
Come on Eddie. Back bedroom, under the floorboards. Ten thousand pounds. Ten thousand pounds.

EDDIE
Dunc, can you lend me a tenner?

DUNCAN
Sure mate. Giro not through?

EDDIE
I’ve got money. I don’t know why I said that, it just popped into my head

DUNCAN
Maybe it’s old Walter trying to get in touch with you.

EDDIE
What?

DUNCAN
Perhaps he’s stood there whispering in your ear.

EDDIE
Why would he be telling me to clean his bedroom carpet?

DUNCAN
Maybe that’s where he hid the money.

WALTER
Bloody hell

DUNCAN
Perhaps there’s a tenner under the bedroom carpet.

WALTER
SPEAKING IN DUNCAN’S EAR.
The barmaid fancies you. She desires your body. She wants to be your sex slave.

DUNCAN
I think I’ll have another go at that barmaid, I’m sure she fancies me.

 

 

THE INTENSIVE CARE WARD AS ACT ONE.

WHEN THE CURTAIN RISES HILLARY, CELIA AND MARTHA ARE SAT ROUND THE BEDSIDE.

CELIA
Do you know what I remember most about our childhood?

HILLARY
Christmas was always good.

CELIA
Seaside. Summer holidays by the sea.

HILLARY
Bridlington. It was always Bridlington.

CELIA
Mother would never go anywhere else.

HILLARY
Never Scarborough.

CELIA
That’s right

TO MARTHA
Never go to Scarborough would you Mum?

NO RESPONSE

HILLARY
Too posh

ASSUMES POSH VOICE
Only the snobs go to Scarborough

CELIA
It took ages to get there

HILLARY
No motorways then

CELIA
Or by-passes.

HILLARY
The traffic used to be dreadful

CELIA
Dad used to get furious at the delays.

HILLARY
Bless him.

CELIA
We’d get stuck at York every year

WALTER ENTERS

WALTER
And Tadcaster. That was always a sod to get through.

HILLARY
It was always the same place, outside that fishing tackle shop.

CELIA
And we’d always stop at the same cafe

WALTER
The greasy spoon

HILLARY
The Four Alls

CELIA
That’s right

HILLARY
And do you remember all those little villages we had to go through?

CELIA
Stamford Bridge

WALTER
Fridaythorpe

HILLARY
Fridaythorpe

WALTER
Wetwang

CELIA
Wetwang

WALTER
Burton Agnes

HILLARY
Burton Agnes

WALTER
From Stamford Bridge to the coast it was one long stink of cow dung.

HILLARY
CELIA
TOGETHER
The Stinky Villages!

WALTER
Guaranteed to have the kids heaving every five miles.

CELIA
And Dad used to get ever so cross having to keep stopping the car to let someone out to be sick.

HILLARY
And Mum used to tell him off for being grumpy.

CELIA
Happy days

HILLARY
What I’d give to be back there now.

MARTHA
Whitby

CELIA
What about it?

WALTER
It was grand

MARTHA
Your Dad liked Whitby

HILLARY
You’re right Mum. Dad loved Whitby.

WALTER
If I was pushed I’d say Whitby was my favourite place in the world.

CELIA
We had a day trip to Whitby every year.

WALTER
It was the high point of the holiday for me. The peak. I don’t know if you’ve been or not? There’s a lovely beach, beautiful sand. And the fish and chips; fish straight from the sea and chips straight from the earth. The harbour, picturesque isn’t the word. The ruined Abbey up on the hill opposite, hell of a climb but worth it. The old town, narrow streets, dinky little shops. Jet, Whitby Jet. I haven’t been in years. I wonder............ back in a minute!

HE EXITS

MARTHA
You get vampires at Whitby

HILLARY
Do you Mum?

CELIA
She means Dracula

MARTHA
He was a vampire

HILLARY
What do you mean Mum?

CELIA
The chap who wrote Dracula came from Whitby.

MARTHA
Bella Lusardi

HILLARY
Lugosi; and he was the actor in the films.

MARTHA
It was always raining at Whitby

HILLARY
Don’t exaggerate Mum, we had some lovely days at Whitby.

WALTER ENTERS

WALTER
Well it’s raining now

CELIA
It was Bram Stoker who wrote Dracula.

WALTER
Absolutely lashing it down. I thought have a bit of trouble on the motorway but it doesn’t work like that. I just thought Whitby and there I was on the front.

It’s changed though. The High Street is pedestrianised, there are new roads and roundabouts. New shops, it’s all changed.

It was still Whitby but different. Too dark to see anything properly. I never saw a vampire though, or a monkey come to that. Years ago we were walking down the Prom at Bridlington. Martha and the kids strung out in a line going hammer and tongs at the ice-cream when this bloke suddenly jumped out and threw a monkey on my shoulder. I thought ‘I’m having none o’ this’, I grabbed the monkey to throw it back and the bugger bit me.

Me I just screamed, have you ever been bitten by a monkey; sharp teeth. Anyway the little sod must have been as surprised as me. It jumped off and raced away

down the Prom with the photographer in hot pursuit.

They don’t seem to have monkeys anymore. I wonder why?

THE DOCTOR ENTERS

WALTER
And I dropped my wafer.

DOCTOR
Mrs Simpkin I just wondered if you’d arrived at any decision yet.

HILLARY
I’m not sure Doctor

DOCTOR
Only........... there’s a young man down the corridor who will die in a few days without a liver transplant and I just wondered. 

HILLARY
No!

CELIA
Hillary love, he’s not going to get better. We have to switch the machine off sooner or later. We can’t keep him like this for the next five years. It’s not fair to Dad. And I’m sure he wouldn’t mind helping to save this young man.

HILLARY
Tell me about this young man

DOCTOR
He’s twenty seven years old, married, two young children. And he really is seriously ill.

HILLARY
And a transplant will help?

DOCTOR
The only certainty is that he’ll die without one. We might try and fail but at least we’ll have tried.

CELIA
Well I say yes.

DOCTOR
Please think about it.

HE EXITS

MARTHA
It won’t be long now.

HILLARY
What won’t Mum?

MARTHA
He’ll be here soon.

CELIA
Who will Mum?

MARTHA
He’s probably at the pub

HILLARY
I think she’s talking about Dad.

CELIA
Well, what do you say.

WALTER
I say yes. Let this young man have my liver, kidneys, heart, lungs, whatever they can salvage. I don’t need the buggers anymore.

HILLARY
O.k. Let them do it.

HILLARY AND CELIA EMBRACE.

CELIA
I’ll go tell the Doctor

HILLARY
Not just yet.

CELIA
I think it would be best to tell them soon.

HILLARY
I just want a bit more time with him, don’t worry I won’t change my mind.

MARTHA
There he is look - by the bed.

HILLARY AND CELIA LOOK TOWARDS THE BED. THERE IS CONSTERNATION WHEN
EDDIE COMES RUSHING THROUGH THE DOOR.

HILLARY
God, you made me jump.

EDDIE
Sorry love. Celia, can you come down to casualty? Duncan’s had a bit of an accident.

CELIA
What kind of accident? What’s happened?

EDDIE
Just an accident. He’s o.k. Just an argument in the pub.

CELIA
There’s a woman involved in this

EDDIE
Just a misunderstanding.

HILLARY
About a woman?

EDDIE
Are you going to see him?

CELIA
I suppose I’d better. I’ll tell the Doctor shall I, Hillary?

HILLARY
O.k.

CELIA
I won’t come back

HILLARY AND CELIA EMBRACE. CELIA CROSSES TO THE BEDSIDE AND TAKES WALTER’S HAND.
Bye Dad.

WALTER STANDS BESIDE HER.

WALTER
Bye love

CELIA EXITS

HILLARY
What happened to Duncan?

EDDIE
Chatting up the barmaid, don’t look at me like that; it was nothing to do with me. Anyway her boyfriend turned up and took exception.

HILLARY
And thumped him?

EDDIE
Yeah

HILLARY
Serves him right

EDDIE
She wasn’t worth getting thumped for.

HILLARY
We’ve decided to turn the machine off and donate his organs.

EDDIE
Be for the best, eh?

MARTHA
He’s here now look

EDDIE AND HILLARY EXCHANGE A GLANCE

WALTER
Martha, can you see me?

MARTHA
Oh yes Walter ever so clearly.

WALTER
I’ve got to go now Martha

MARTHA
I know but I’ll see you again soon.

EDDIE
I’ll take her out to the car shall I?

HILLARY
Yes please love

EDDIE
Don’t be long, no sense in prolonging the agony.

HILLARY
No I won’t. Just a few more minutes with Dad.

EDDIE
Besides, I’ve got a carpet to clean.

EDDIE TAKES MARTHA BY THE ARM AND MOVES HER TOWARDS THE DOOR. WALTER LOOKS ON HELPLESSLY AS THEY LEAVE. HILLARY MOVES TO THE BEDSIDE AND LOOKS DOWN.

WALTER
No point in hanging around here love. I’ve got places to go, people to see. A whole new life. I expect Mum’s here somewhere.

HILLARY STOOPS AND KISSES WALTER ON THE FOREHEAD.

HILLARY
Bye Dad.

WALTER PUTS HIS ARM AROUND HER AND KISSES HER CHEEK. FOR A MOMENT SHE LOOKS STARTLED AND THEN SMILES. SHE EXITS SLOWLY WITH A FINAL LOOK BACK FROM THE DOOR.

A NURSE AND A PORTER ENTER. THE NURSE SWITCHES ALL THE EQUIPMENT OFF AND THE PORTER WHEELS THE BED TOWARDS THE DOOR.

A YOUNG WOMAN APPEARS AT THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE STAGE TO WALTER. HE DOESN’T NOTICE HER AT FIRST. A YOUNG MAN JOINS THE WOMAN AND FINALLY UNCLE STANLEY JOINS THEM BOTH.

WOMAN
Walter? Walter?

WALTER SEES THE WOMAN AND MOVES TOWARDS HER.

WALTER
Mother?

WOMAN
Hello Walter

SHE HOLDS HER ARMS WIDE AND EMBRACES WALTER. DURING THE SLOW FADE TO BLACK A PORTER ENTERS WHEELING IN A NEW OCCUPANT OF THE ROOM.