She walked into the courtroom,
On the stand she took her place,
Although she tried to act brave,
A tear trickled down her face.
The jury sat waiting silently,
As the judge asked her to tell,
The story of her childhood past,
The story of her living hell.
She felt extremely nervous,
Her legs felt heavy and weak,
She looked at all the faces around her,
And quietly began to speak.
“It happened many years ago,
But it seems like only yesterday,
I was just four years old,
When he took my innocence away”
She looked across the room,
And saw her father’s evil grin,
That instantly told her,
This case she would not win.
“I thought it was normal,”
In a quiet voice she continued to say,
“Never saw it was wrong,
For it happened almost every day”
The jury sat and stared at her,
And a tear filled her eyes,
As her father shouted loudly,
“That girl is telling lies”
Her father was a warped man,
And that, she hoped they’d see,
“I’ve come up here to tell you all,
Just what he did to me”
The Judge asked her to continue,
With anything else she wished to say,
“I’ll tell you everything I can,
He should be punished today”
“He fooled me badly,”
In an innocent voice she said,
“Told me he loved me,
But he was just messing with my head”
“He couldn’t have loved me,
His words were cruel and untrue,
For he did to me,
What no good Dad would do,”
“He knew what he was doing,
And what he was doing was wrong,
But his way of showing love,
Continued to go on”
“I hated him for his actions,
Shivered at his every touch,
I want you all to know,
He hurt me so much”
The case soon reached an end,
And the jury were asked to say,
Whether her father was guilty,
Or innocent enough to walk away.
And when they revealed the verdict,
She couldn’t help but smile,
Because finally she got justice,
Having waited all this while.
She did what was needed,
What her heart told her was right,
And now she’ll sleep,
Knowing he wont hurt her tonight…
|
In narrative verse form Written by patterjack (1179 comments posted) 29th June 2007 |
So i'd put it in poetry segment . Fits well there patterjack |
Written by gwyddyn (28 comments posted) 29th June 2007 |
A brave but nervous piece, I think, about a very touchy subject. It's obviously poetic in style but doesn't scan as a poem. I feel you should break it down; 1st three verses, next four, third five and last three; and try to write them out, possibly see them as acts within the drama. Hope this helps. |
Written by woody44 (774 comments posted) 30th June 2007 |
Hello Chelle. As you know I am no poetry expert but I think this works well in its present form and as Patterjack says would sit well in the poetry section. I believe this is your first piece on the site so congrats, excellent start! Roger |
Written by Phil (6688 comments posted) 30th June 2007 |
Here or in poetry - it fits either. Actually, I thought simple verse was a good medium to tell this. The structure and rhyme keep a distance between writer and emotion. Also, the compressed nature of narrative verse means that uncomfortable detail can be left. It is implicit anyway and doesn't need spelling out in this case. I don't want to make guesses as to motivation, but a brave piece. Worked for me. Phil. |
Thank you Written by Chelle (9 comments posted) 30th June 2007 |
Thank you all so much for your comments. Greatlty appreciated Chelle x |
Justice Written by CliffBowes (176 comments posted) 30th June 2007 |
Hi Chelle, I think this should be moved to the poetry section as it is obviously not a short story. The style of the poem is suited to the story of the disgusting treatment of a child. You may improve the way the poem scans by examining it carefully and deciding if you want rhyme or not. At the moment some verses rhyme and some don't - this makes it a little disjointed in my view. But still a very good work, I look forward to more of your poems in the future. Cliff |
Justice Written by CliffBowes (176 comments posted) 30th June 2007 |
Hi Chelle, I think this should be moved to the poetry section as it is obviously not a short story. The style of the poem is suited to the story of the disgusting treatment of a child. You may improve the way the poem scans by examining it carefully and deciding if you want rhyme or not. At the moment some verses rhyme and some don't - this makes it a little disjointed in my view. But still a very good work, I look forward to more of your poems in the future. Cliff |
Thank you. Written by Chelle (9 comments posted) 30th June 2007 |
Thank you, Cliff. I tried to stick with rhyming the last line of each verse with the second...But I'll look into that anyway, and will move this to the poetry section. Thank you for commenting. Chelle x |
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