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Richard the Cruel ( part 1) |
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By maipenrai
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30 June 2007 |
now boy dry your tears and
be at ease for
you are at a place of no return,
your past is gone and
your future is mine for
I am Richard the Cruel.
if you obey and do as I say
your life here
will not be so bad,
even a wench or two for you
if I so desire, but be warned boy
should you anger or displease me
to my dungeons you will go,
I will stretch your limbs and
I will burn your skin,
my mark forever
on your face, for I am
Richard the Cruel.
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Written by fellpony (1647 comments posted) 30th June 2007 | Hmm. A firm sort of bloke, then, Bernie?
I think you'd actually improve it by taking out the repeated lines "for I am Richard the Cruel" since his name is in the title. Sounds like the start of a story ... I wonder where it might go. | thinking
Written by uche (44 comments posted) 30th June 2007 | stanza 2, line 12
i was thinking if the line could read: "burn your skin"
for more poignancy, that is.
the poem sort of got me thinking Richard the Cruel is actually Old Nick. |
Written by Phil (6828 comments posted) 30th June 2007 | Torn on this one. It does sound like the beginning of a story, but for me, there's a little extra there. I'd only lose the first for I am Richard the cruel.
Looking forward to what comes next.
Phil. |
Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 30th June 2007 | Fellpony, Uche, Phil, thank you all for your comments, part two to follow shortly.
Bernie |
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