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Poetry
spoken word poetry tk. 1
By aleatoric_rhetoric
30 June 2007
A girl who wanted nothing serious and I were talking infront of her gated appartment complex. We sat with our legs crossed on cracked pavement--and it really is an estranged part of my life: out of highschool into the mystery abyss. I have this summer to fall in likelovelike(care) with and--

spoken word poetry tk 1

i was in
love

in so much
love

with the way she
spoke

the way--
her way

that I got
lost, yeah,

I
got lost

her spoken
word poetry

about her
rain, hail

catastrophe

had a melody

that didn't
change a thing

it did not change
a thing

except it made my
eyes widen and

feel toward her

helpless

reminded me

of my own

i told it to
shoot out

from my heart
to my hands and

we were not
magnificent war time heros that

defied an army of
fellow men for

higher purposes making for
a high tide of corpses

i was not
a motivational speaker with

a 12 step plan to stop
her apocalypse

i had
no dreams

i was awake and
listening, listening

she captured pain
in her hands

she said it
with words.

destroying destruction
is the plight of every man

but with her,
i reached out and

we held it,
together and

there was nothing to
understand but

a feeling to be
witnessed.

we were
all sorts
of human
and her
spoken
word
poetry
had my hands
eager.

"Everyone I
love is leaving
me and if I
could cut myself
in eight different
pieces and be with
them all, I
would."

Reviews
Hey...
Written by stevetroster (1549 comments posted) 30th June 2007
...listen. 
 
Okay, that's got your last PM out of the way. 
 
I did say that I wouldn't bother to review any of your work until you joined the community.  
 
However, I've changed my mind. 
 
"A very long list of words."

Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 30th June 2007
More coherent than of late, again with some merit in places, but I have to be honest and say this kind of thing is not for me. This and the others I've read appear to be thrown together with little thought. I'm not advocating all your lines should be metrically similar and you have a tight rhyming scheme, for from it. I guess it could take you ages to achieve this effect - but I can't think why you'd want to. I've got pretty broad tastes, I like to be challenged, I've tried hard, but failed to see quality in your works when I take each one as a whole. 
 
Sorry if this seems hard. Put up for review, given an honest crit. Only one person's opinion, others will probably disagree. 
 
Phil.

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