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Poetry
Barron
By roxyhope
01 July 2007
Like frost on Autumn leaves,
your silence engulfs me.
Your needles of anger stab in me,
slowing causing my essence to decay.
It seems now with the passing of every moment another piece of me crumbles.
I desperately try to hide behind my last withering leaves,
but the fierce wind of your fury carry them away--
leaving me with the nakedness of truth.

Here I stand in a field of nothingness...
My crystallized limbs stretched out towards you,
but despite my efforts I remain alone.
The cold winter has set in and all I can do is hope that when spring arrives,
I will have had enough time to recover.
Perhaps one day I will bloom back into the beautiful being I once was.

Reviews

Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 30th June 2007
Hi Roxy.  
 
Although I liked the optimism of the final line, I think it detracts from the overall impact of the piece. The metaphor of the decaying and falling leaves, then naked vulnerability worked well. 
 
Liked this one. 
 
Phil

Written by wattle (117 comments posted) 30th June 2007
Yep me too. Phil is all knowing. Although I like the final line. It offer a life line to take and hold. My choice for a title is 'Barron' (don't ask me why it just seems to suit (me).) - Thank you Ms Roxy.

Written by rilLie (329 comments posted) 30th June 2007
I agree with Phil. And yes, Phil is all knowing. ;) Metaphors are nice, and the feeling's there. Didn't quite like the last line, though. :)

Written by Lizzy (838 comments posted) 1st July 2007
I thought you summed up that feeling of 'lost love' very well. 
I liked the last line and the inference that beauty comes with being loved. 
Lizzy

Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 1st July 2007
I beg to differ. Far from all-knowing - just an opinion. It's your piece Roxy. 
 
Still liked it. 
 
Phil

Written by roxyhope (8 comments posted) 1st July 2007
Even though it is with my piece, I think I am with Phil. I don't think the last line reads as easily as the rest. I will have to do some editing because I'm not sure if the piece would sound complete if I just took away the last line and didnt add anything in its place. We'll see. Thank you everyone for your comments.

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