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By gutterkitty
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01 July 2007 |
A bit of fun.
There are bits of pepper in my meal,
hiding in the mounds of pasta to
explode beneath the tongue, at the back of the mouth
as I hastily swallow them gone.
Dragging me back from my glazed vision,
outside the window or fixed upon
the television,
making me choke,
black chunks of shrapnel
jerking me awake.
You are the pepper of my life:
you knock me out of my routine,
my pen-paper-commute day,
you make new things burst
to my attention, make me choke on things
I never thought that I would say.
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A fitting sequel
Written by patterjack (1193 comments posted) 1st July 2007 | Could well be entitled Salt of the Earth
I could suggest other titles , but they would be too hot and saucy . 
patterjack | Nice
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 1st July 2007 | I like the way your poetic mind works - constantly tossing and turning metaphors, examining the human condition.
Not quite up with the Bird Song one, but very worthwhile indeed.
Enjoyed!
Oli  |
Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 1st July 2007 | This is where my partial poetic blindness comes in. I had it all worked out, then reread the intro - ' abit of fun' - how wrong could I be? I'll embarrass myself by giving my initial thoughts, you can put me straight if you like.
First of all I liked it.
The first set up a bitter ending for me. Pepper being sharp and bitter. You also use words like shrapnel and choke - hardy pleasant words. S, when I read the last stanza, I'm thinking - there's this person in a rough relationship and their partner is like the pepper - bitter, dangerous etc. But it's 'just a bit of fun.'
Where did I go wrong?!
Phil. |
Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 1st July 2007 | patterjack- well now we couldn't have any sauciness on the board could we  that would send GW into chaos. Thanks for the e-mail.
Oli- thank you, it's always interesting to hear how my poetic style comes across to others. Gives me a peek into what I essentially do intuitively.
Phil- don't be silly! You didn't go wrong at all. I re-read this piece before I posted it and I picked up on those more violent words too and thought they could be a bit out of place. Essentially you came up with a different interpretation, and where would be the interest in poetry if everyone received the same message from a poem? Thanks for sharing your view |
Written by fellpony (1608 comments posted) 2nd July 2007 | | Hi GK - I don't often comment on your pieces because i am still reading them and learning how your mind works. This is a sharp little piece constructed, as many good poems are, from simple observations. I think we all know people who matter to us, whose character pokes us into saying things we don't mean or, as in this case, things we hadn't realised we thought. Dorothy L Sayesr wrote "he walked in and out of her mind as though it were his own flat." I thought you caught that nicely. |
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