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Great Writing - Home > Extended > Three accounts of events - part 16(b)
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Extended Work
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| Three accounts of events - part 16(b) | |
| By teddy | ||||||||||
| 01 July 2007 | ||||||||||
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It has taken me quite a while to finish this part. This has, of course, something to do with the very little spare time I have for writing and that's mostly because of work commitments, but still, while the ideas seemed to come to mind quite easily, when I was to put them down on paper, I struggled. I don't know what to make of the outcome, I don't think I like it. Any suggestions much appreciated. I’m sitting in the living room, all on my own, drowning the sorrow in the cup of tea Tina has brought in earlier. She put the cup on the coffee table in front of us and sat herself down on the edge of the sofa. ‘Adi, what happened? Please tell me.’ ‘Nothing,’ I mumbled, hugging my knees tighter and pressing my chin harder against them. I haven’t said much since Vicky and I got here. Paul’s parents were expecting me when I got to Kent this evening. His mum told me he’d phoned asking if I had been to pick up Vicky already. I bet he didn’t mention the rest. ‘Is everything all right, Adi?’ Lorraine scrutinised my face inquisitively. ‘I thought you two were joining us for supper this evening.’ ‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ I tried to put on a smile. ‘Paul should’ve said he can’t make it, some work he has to finish by tomorrow.’ I don’t think she believed me though, my lies are never too convincing. Neither did Tina earlier. ‘It can’t be nothing.’ She ran her fingers through my hair, tucking a rebel curl behind my ear. ‘Look at the state you’re in.’ I kept staring down at my toes. ‘Paul and I had an argument.’ ‘Is that all, just an argument? That’s why you’ve left him? Come on, Adi, I know you better than this. What has he done to you?’ I laid my face on top of my knees and looked away, trying to hide the wet sparkles that had suddenly appeared in my eyes. She gave up in the end. ‘I’ll be in the kitchen if you change your mind and wanna talk about it,’ she said before leaving the room. I know Tina’s concerned and I wish I could talk to her as I had always used to do back in the old days, but…how could I? She’d be appalled. It’s quite dark in here, it’s only the TV that flickers an unsteady light across the room. From time to time my eyes peer at the screen but I have no idea what’s going on on there. The tea is still hot and I feel every sip sweating down inside my chest. I switch on my phone and listen to the messages again. Bundles of them, but they’re all the same. “Adi, please answer your phone. I just want to know where you are, if you are ok. Please Adi, just let me talk to you.’ I startle when the doorbell rings and I instinctively glance at the clock hanged on the wall in front of me. It’s just gone half past ten. I didn’t think he would dare looking for me here, he knows how Tina feels about him. I hear noises in the hallway and it’s not long before Tina opens the door. ‘Adi, you’ve got visitors.’ I can pick out the struggle to stay civil in her voice. ‘Well, I leave you to it,’ she says when I refuse to move or say anything. ‘I’ll be upstairs if you need me. Good night.’ ‘Good night,’ I hear Paul saying; to me he’s only a shadow caught by the corner of my eye. ‘Night,’ I mutter. ‘You’ve switched your phone off,’ he tries to lure me into talking to him after the door shuts behind Tina. ‘I’ve been worried about you. I went to my parents, but you and Vicky had been gone already by the time I got there.’ ‘Adi, please talk to me,’ he carries on when he gets no reply. He moves over and sits down next to me on the sofa. I wince when his hand touches my arm. ‘Please.’ I raise my head up and look at him. ‘How long has this been going on?’ ‘Pardon?’ He seems confused. ‘You and Joanne.’ ‘Oh God.’ He rubs his forehead anxiously. ‘Is this what you think, that I’ve been having an affair with her?’ I’m not listening to him. ‘All the evenings you had to stay late at the office. The Saturdays mornings spent at the cricket club. All lies, weren’t they?’ ‘No, no, Adi, you’re so wrong.’ He sounds bemused by my accusations, but that doesn’t make me feel any better. ‘How about today, Paul? You were with her this afternoon. She answered your phone. Did you sleep with her?’ I keep looking in his eyes, expecting more protests and denials. But he just stares at me and my heart shrinks, and I know the answer. I turn my head and look away; I bite my lip hard, trying not to cry. ‘Adi.’ He brushes a stroke over my shoulder. ‘I’m so sorry.’ ‘Don’t touch me,‘ I snap. I grab his hand and push it away. ‘I want you to leave, Paul. But he ignores me. ‘No. I love you, Adi.’ ‘You love me?’ I shake my head in disbelief. ‘How can you even say that when hours ago you were in bed with another woman?’ He doesn’t say anything, but there is a warning in his silence, something that tells me I should stop here. ‘You haven’t even told her about us, Paul, for heaven’s sake.’ I hiss at him. ‘She thinks I’m still with George. She asked me about him.’ ‘No, you’re right, I haven’t. Because I haven’t seen Joanne or spoken to her since we got back together. That’s why.’ He is calm, too calm, and that adds frustration to the hurt and the anger. ‘I was angry with you today. That’s why it happened.’ ‘So what, every time we have an argument, every time you get upset with me you start fucking around?’ I let out a bitter laugh. ‘Is that what you’re trying to tell me? You think that’s the way to sort things out?’ ‘I don’t know, Adi. You tell me.’ His voice sounds somehow icy and I know he’s thinking about Mark even if he doesn’t say it. I did the same thing to him, didn’t I? Even worse, I had a whole affair, it wasn’t only a one off. And what did I do when the beans got spilled? I run away without looking back. I did leave things behind though, the ugly words and the hurt. I didn’t mean any of them if this could make up for consolation, it was more of a self-punishment for screwing up the best thing that had ever happened to me. He has forgiven me now, maybe he would’ve done it sooner if I had given him the chance. Then none of these would’ve happened. At least he doesn’t say he hates me. Or calls me a bastard. The old ghosts are creeping back in and I don’t even know who I am feeling sorry for anymore, myself of him? But I can’t hold the pain trapped inside any longer. ‘What is this then?’ I cry. ‘Some sort of belated revenge? I thought we had put those things behind us.’ ‘We had, Adi, of course we had.’ He wraps his arms around me and pulls me on his knees. I don’t have the strength to struggle anymore and I’m just crying quietly huddled against his chest. His lips are wandering over my face and hair, and his voice becomes more of a whisper. ‘Don’t cry, sweetheart. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.’ ‘There have been so many women in my life, Adi, but no one has ever made me feel the way you do,’ he says after a while. ‘Not even close. I can’t afford to lose you again.’ My misery is forgotten for a moment and I open my eyes wide and look at him. This is something that George had told me once, but back then I thought he was exaggerating things. Now I’m hearing it from Paul and I’m overwhelmed by new emotions. ‘Come home, Adi.’ He buries his face in my hair. ‘Please, sweetheart, I need you.’ ‘I can’t.’ I snivel. ‘Vicky’s asleep. I don’t want to wake her up. You go home and I’ll call you tomorrow.’ ‘No, please, let me stay here with you. I don’t want to be on my own.’ ‘But there isn’t enough room, I’ve got only a single bed upstairs. You wouldn’t be able to rest properly.’ ‘I don’t care, please, Adi, just let me stay.’ I ask him to be quiet when we march up the stairs. In my old bedroom Vicky’s deep asleep in her cot. ‘She’s tired,’ I whisper when Paul stops to look at her. ‘She’s had a busy day.’ He runs the back of his finger over her hair. ‘Don’t. You’ll wake her up.’ I tuck the tiny cover around her and turn down the light of the lamp resting on the desk next to her cot. She hates waking up in the dark. When I turned around, Paul’s already under the sheets, his back propped against the wall, his clothes all pilled up by the window. ‘Come here.’ He lifts up one corner of the duvet. I take my jeans off. All my clothes, pyjamas included, are still in the bags downstairs, the t-shirt and knickers I’m wearing will have to do for the night. I slide underneath the cover and the old mattress sighs when I stretch out beside Paul. He rests a hand on my tummy and then it meanders down on my legs. ‘No, Paul, please.’ I try to move away from him, but he bends over and takes hold of my wrists, holding them down above my head against the sheets with one hand while the other one is pulling up my t-shirt. I try to fight him off, but his grip is tight. I feel his warm breath on my neck. I hold back a moan when his tongue lingers over my breasts. He lets my arms go and slides his hand between my legs, parting them open. I involuntary bend my knees. He shifts himself in the space between them, slipping his hands underneath my hips, and his lips wander persuasively down on my tummy. ‘Paul, please, we can’t do this, Vicky’s in the room,’ I mutter, but my mind is slowly swayed away and moments later I feel like losing myself into his mouth. ‘Paul?’ I whisper later on when I’m all curled up in his arms. The bed is small and there isn’t much room to share, and my back is tightly pressed against his chest. My eyes feel tired, but I can’t persuade my mind to go to rest. ‘Yes, sweetheart?’ ‘Do you love her?’ ‘Who?’ ‘Joanne.’ ‘Don’t be so silly.’ He pulls me closer to him. ‘Then why? Do you think it’s fair on her? ‘No, it’s not.’ ‘Aren’t you going to tell her about us?’ ‘She knows already.’ He kisses the back of my head. ‘Try to get some rest now.’ I close my eyes, but my thoughts are invaded by Joanne. How does she feel, is she hurting? She must hate me so much. It takes quite a while before I drift off to sleep. * ‘Ba ba ba….oohooo.’ A skimpy beam of light is sneaking into the room through the tiny gap in the curtains. Vicky’s up in her cot; she smiles copiously when she sees me looking at her. ‘Mmu-mmy.’ I get up. ‘Hey, baby girl. You’re up early, aren’t you?’ She had an early night last night, she must be hungry. As soon as I leave the bed, Paul sprawl himself, face down, on its whole surface. Vicky plunges a finger into her mouth watching him curiously for a moment. She turns to me and takes the finger out pointing it at him ‘Ammm?’ ‘Who’s that?’ I smile. ‘Daddy sleeping?’ I put on the dressing gown I borrowed from Tina when I showered last night and pick Vicky up. ‘Let’s go downstairs and get you some milk.’ Back in the room I put her back in the cot and give her the bottle. She plunges its tit into her mouth and gets down to some serious gulping business. I hear noises on the landing and when I turned around I see Tina’s head stuck in through the ajar door. ‘I saw the door open,’ she says before her eyes glide towards the bed. ‘You two made it up then?’ she asks. Luckily Paul’s covered up to the waist so she can only marvel at his naked back. ‘I s’pose,’ I shrug. ‘Well, I’m glad. How’s the little bunny?’ she peeps at Vicky. ‘Hungry.’ I smile. After she leaves I turn back to Vicky. Half of the milk is nearly gone. I hear Paul moving in bed and I throw a quick look over my shoulder. He’s lying on his side with his head propped in his hand, watching us. ‘Morning.’ He beams at me. I take Vicky out of the cot and put her next to him. ‘Watch her for a minute, will you? I need to go to the loo.’ When I get back, Vicky’s lounging on her back on the pillow with her legs stretched against Paul’s chest. He’s holding the end of the bottle and his hand looks so big next to hers. There’s a big proud smile smudged on his face and I’m overfilled with warmth: she was no mistake, she was born out of love. ‘She’s one hungry little baby,’ he looks at her amazed by the speed the milk disappears into her mouth. Vicky’s already in the dream land when I pick her up and put her back in the cot. I take the dressing gown off and slip in bed, snuggling up against Paul. He wraps his arms around my waist and buries his face onto my neck. I’m half asleep when he calls me. ‘Adi?’ ‘Mmmm?’ ‘Marry me.’
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