Dear God ...

Yes.

... oh!

What?

Well ... I wasn't really expecting you to reply.

Well I have.

Yes ... I see.

So ... ?

Well ... I ... urmmn ... I have a few questions. I wondered whether we might chat?

Sure, what's on your mind.

Well ... let me see. Crikey, now we're talking, my minds gone blank.

Do you mind if we start with something really basic while I sort myself out?

Take your time, we have awhile.

Ok then. Well I suppose the first question has been answered – you exist.

I suppose so. It all depends how you would define exist. I am here for you but as you can probably see, not actually anything you can reach out and touch.

Well actually I turned the lights out, so I can't see a damn thing. Thought it might make communication easier ...

Ha ha ... well, you might be right, nice idea. But if you turned on the lights would you see me?

I doubt it ... so where are you?

You are missing the point. Do not worry so much about where I am, just that I am. We will come to the where later, I suspect.

Okay, Sorry.

Don't apologise.

Well .. I don't want to ... like offend you. I have read some bad things ...

Have you now?

Yes .. floods, plagues, blighting whole civilisations from the face of the earth. That sort of thing.

Oh dear. The impressionable human mind. You don't want to believe everything you read, you know!

Well ... I didn't really believe them, for what it's worth. But then I didn't really think I would be sitting here talking to you! It has kind of thrown me a little.

Well here we are. Take a breather. I would lead, I can see where you're heading with this, but it is your conversation. So take your time.

Ok. So I am talking to god. You're here ... I know that because I am now talking to you.

As a matter of fact. We have been talking all your life.

We have?

Yes. You have just never realised.

Okay ... ?

As an example. Do you remember that time you nearly killed yourself from smoking?

No ... ?

Every night you would wake up gasping for breath, desperately hanging onto life and then the next morning pull on your dressing gown and immediately light-up.

Urmmn ... yes ... crikey, I had almost forgotten!

Do you remember that night when you really thought you would die and wept through to the following morning, pleading desperately for the strength to stop smoking. Do you remember that?

... yes

What did you do?

I chose to live.

You did. Who do you think gave you that strength?

Oh my god!

Exactly.

And that is just one example. We talk all the while. You either do not listen or do not realise.

Wow, this is amazing. Can I ask you something else then?

Fire away?

Did you create mankind?

Did I create mankind .. ?

That's kind of a tough question. What made you think that?

Well. I was taught at school that god created Adam and then Eve and that they embraced original sin by eating the apple.

Ha ha ha - brilliant ... I am amazed you guys still think that could be true.

Well ... I didn't. But like I said, my whole point of view has been thrown a little.

... those stories were written thousands of years ago? What possesses you to think they are factual?

Well ... I guess because that is what we have always been taught!

So is that it? You read that I created man and therefore believe I created man?

No ... Anyway, isn't it me whose supposed to be asking the questions?

That was brave of you!

Sorry ...

No ... you are right. Continue.

Okay. You have to admit, the human body is a pretty clever design?

Is it?

Well yes. It is amazing ...

It sure is. Designed though? You ever swallowed a chicken bone?

No?

Good.

Why .. ?

Well if you had, chances are you wouldn't be here right now.

Oh ..

If this is such a brilliant design, how come you breath and consume food down the same single tube? Do you know how many humans have died because of this single 'design' flaw?

Uh .. no ... I hadn't really thought of it like that?

Guess you didn't.

Well, I didn't really think we were designed but it is another one of those things we are taught.

Jeez ... I would have a word with whoever does the teaching.

Well actually I went to a Catholic school ... But you have to admit, we could be forgiven for thinking we are very well designed.

You could. Your existence is almost a miracle. So do you think you were designed?

Well ... popular science seems to think we have evolved over millions ... or even over hundreds of millions of years.

And ... ?

Well ... it seems the most likely, but I really struggle imagining the starting point of a cell and ending here ...

So what's the problem then?

Well I can go with evolving from primates and us now walking upright. But all life starting as a cell and everything on this planet derived from that ... it's just mind blowing!

It is, kind of ...

For instance the human eye. What makes something that cannot see craft something like the human eye?

I see ...

I just find that really hard to understand.

I see ...

It feels like believing evolution requires just about the same leap of faith that I would need for religion.

I see ...

Although it seems more probable than religion, I think?

You know what your problem is don't you?

... ? no ?

You left your sense of humour behind when you came for a chat!

You know what your other problem is?

... no ?

Perspective.

Why?

Okay. What was the last major event in world history that springs to your mind?

urrmnn ... England beating Germany 5-1?

Mmmmmnn – think bigger, think major world wide event?

Oh .. you mean like 9/11

Well no, but that will do. How long ago was that?

Seven years?

Seven years ... and then, what is the very first thing you remember?

What ever?

Yes, ever!

Urmmmnn ... I think it was walking in the garden with my uncle ... maybe it was my dad. Think I was about four. I can remember the feel of the mud beneath my feet, the feel of his cotton shirt, the texture of his braces and I think, the smell of his aftershave ..

Okay, okay. So we have an early memory. So how long ago was that?

About thirty six years I would guess.

Thirty six years?

Yup, I am forty, so that would be right.

Thirty six years, I guess a lot has happened in that time?

You sure are right there!

Okay then. What would you say was the major event of the last century?

Well there were loads ... I guess the two wars, more so the second because of how it subsequently impacted western civilisations.

Were you alive for any of these wars?

No ..

Do you know anyone that was?

Well my dad was born just before but really only has memories as a child of life after the war. Mother was born during the war. My granddad was born in 1897 and ended up fighting in and surviving both wars.

Now that's interesting. Bet there were loads of stories?

Yes there were ...

Can you think of any other major events of the 20^th century?

Well medical science I guess. One hundred years ago there was so little known that it seems incredible that we know now, what we do.

You are right there. That is quite a lot to happen in just one hundred years. Can you think of something that happened two hundred years ago?

Urmnn ... well I guess Darwin's theory of natural selection, it kind of threads in with what we were talking about earlier.

It is what we are talking about now.

Is it?

Yes! I am trying to answer your question and explain to you how evolution works, so stay with me.

Okay ...

I will save myself some time and you some precious brain cells ...

A lot happened in the 19th century although we would probably have to agree that Darwin was the most significant. Did you know that it was about this time that western scholars really started to investigate the Bible historically, rather than as the literal word of god!

... urmmn well I did, but I kinda didn't think it appropriate to mention ...

Ha ha .. you're funny. You think I would take offence?

Well yes.

You have me all wrong.

Sorry, I didn't mean ...

Don't apologise.

Did you know that just two hundred years ago popular belief held that the earth was less than 7,000 years old and that fossils were the remnants of the flood that Noah survived. Pretty amazing huh?

Yes ..

Are you interested in the Bible?

Of course!

We should talk about it sometime.

Okay.

But not now, I think evolution is enough to be getting on with ...

You are probably right.

I am. So do you think two hundred years is a long time?

It is, I guess when you compare it to the lifespan of your average human.

Exactly ... at last we are starting to get there. So what about two thousand years, how long ago does that seem to you?

Well of course it is a huge amount of time.

And can you imagine all that has happened in that time? Of all the lives, the generations of living and surviving. Imagine all that has happened to you in forty years, and think about that repeated in every life, through every generation, generation over generation for two thousand years ...

It is difficult, it almost defies comprehension ...

It sure does. Do you think that you could imagine how life played out two thousand years ago?

Well we have quite a lot of information about that time ...

Think! Can you imagine what life was like two thousand years ago?

Hard! I would say.

You're right. Women had at least five children just to maintain population levels, mouth ulcers were a common cause of death and soap was almost two thousand years away from being invented!

Wow!

So in two thousand years has much changed?

Of course ... loads.

So how long would it take you to count to two thousand?

What?

If you started counting to two thousand, how long would it take?

Well ... I guess if one count was per second it would take me about ... urmmn well. There is 300 seconds in five minutes ... I guess that must be ... just over thirty minutes?

Well actually about thirty four minutes ... what about if you counted to one million?

A million!?

Yes!

Crikey .. I would be counting for hours!

Hours! More like days! I will make it easy as I can see I am losing you. We are counting to one million. There are 86,400 seconds in a single day and 604,800 seconds in a week. That means you would be counting for eleven days, thirteen hours and forty six minutes. Give or take a few seconds.

Wow! So what you're saying is that we have difficulty imagining what happened in the history of mankind just thirty four minutes ago, when the actual history of mankind is actually almost twelve days old!?

no, No, NO! Jeez, you humans. It is no wonder you guys struggle with the concept of evolution and love the comfort of religions, it allows you to not think!

I am really sorry, I didn't mean to offend.

Pay attention then!

But god you don't understand!

I don't understand?!

Yes. Without any intended disrespect, I didn't really think I was going to be actually talking to you. Now that I am, I find myself sitting here galloping through the finer points of evolution, and it is you doing the explaining. This just isn't what I was expecting.

I see ... I get your point ...

Sorry.

Stop apologising.

Urmmnn .. okay.

So. You get that what mankind knows about the history of mankind starts to trail off about the time Jesus was born?

Jesus ... !?

Look ... stay with me. We will get to Jesus some other time, concentrate.

Okay.

You can imagine everything that happened in the last two thousand years as a timespan of thirty four minutes.

Yes.

Ok, and then you can compare that thirty four minutes with a timespan of eleven days and thirteen hours, for the sake of ease.

Urrmnn ...

... eleven days and thirteen hours being our equivalent of one million years?

Oh yeah or course ...

So what strikes you when considering thirty four minutes against eleven days and thirteen hours?

That there is a lot of time between two thousand years and one million?

Correct, you're getting there.

Phew!

So how long do you think there has been life on earth?

Two years!

You're funny. But you have the right idea. Using our analogy, there has been life on earth for roughly 111 years. As you're only human we will round that down to an easy 100 years.

Okay, I can handle that.

That's good then. So life on earth started?

100 years ago

.. and Jesus was born?

Thirty four minutes ago.

That's good. Now we are getting somewhere. Now can you tell me what evolution actually is?

Urmmmn isn't it the ... urmmn isn't it the evolution of a species through survival of the fittest?

Ha ha ha ... oh deary me. Evolution is defined as evolution! Try Again.

... urrmmn ... isn't it the progression of a species to better cope with the environment through the strongest surviving?

... closer. Evolution is simply a species changing from one simple form to one very slightly more complex, continuously repeated. The complex form then becomes the standard and changes over time to something more complex.

That simple?

That simple. So what is natural selection?

The propagation of the complex form through its ability to survive, to become the standard.

Hoorah, now you really are starting to work those brain cells. Spot on!

Cool, cheers.

So are you still having problems imagining your human eye?

Urmmn ...

Lets take it from the beginning. We start with a bunch of cells 100 years ago. All they do is constantly copy themselves into new cells and then die. This copying process involves copying across the DNA, which I hope we both know is the rulebook these cells use for creating each other.

This is all getting a bit deep, DNA?

Deep? This is simple. Just because you have programmed yourself to be ignorant, does not mean you will not comprehend if you try. You know that DNA is the build instruction for any organism?

Sorry ... yes.

Okay. Did you know that cells survive by making new copies of themselves and in that process they copy the whole DNA to this new cell so it can grow and in turn copy itself?

Well I guess I did know, hadn't really thought about it like that!

Really ... what were you thinking?

About surviving I guess?

There we go, you're playing an active part in evolution yourself. Well done. Now back to these cells.

... okay

The copying of DNA is a very efficient process. Mistakes are very rarely made in the copy process but occasionally and inevitably mistakes are made. Got that?

... okay

Now imagine these cells wherever they may be in their basic form. Probably part of an organism made up of many different types of cells, sitting either on the surface of the earth or beneath the oceans. The important point is that these organisms have no current ability to see .. ?

Yup, got that.

These cells will in-turn be impacted by their environment and what element do you think every organism and its cells have to contend with every day?

Predators?

Possibly. But that's not the point when discussing the evolution of your eye? What does your eye do very efficiently?

See ... pass images to my brain?

And how do you think it does that?

Urrmmmn ... be decoding light rays?

Hoorah ... top of the class. So what are these cells being confronted with every day?

Light?

Exactly. And say for instance, one day the cells in our organism with no ability to see are happily sitting on the surface of the earth and busy copying themselves, when a mistake is made in the DNA copy of a single cell. But this new version of the DNA allows the new cell to absorb light? Absorption of this light actually allows this cells to function better and this function is now part of the cells DNA, which is busily copied over and over. Got that?

Think so ... ?

So before long all these hereditary cells in the organism can absorb light. And then at some time in the future when cells absorbing light is the standard in these organisms another error in the coping of the DNA is made in a cell in one of the organisms. This doesn't allow better absorption of light, but this new cell takes the absorbed light and can channel specific light rays.

Over time errors in DNA copying mean that cells get better at absorbing light and associated cells better detect the difference between light rays. So much so that the host organism can make out shapes. Which in turn does help it to avoid predators. Not like you or I, but it has a better chance of surviving than the organism that has not developed cells that react to light.

Wow ... I think I am getting there.

Its cool huh?

Sure is. Is that it?

Of course not. And this analogy is taking hugely bigger steps than would happen in reality. But you can imagine the evolution of your eye?

I think so. It would take a huge amount of time then for anything like our eye to develop?

And ... ?

Well I was just thinking ... could it have evolved like that ... you know from that to the human eye in such a short time? Wouldn't it have needed a helping hand?

You mean like divine intervention?

Well god, now you come to mention it ...

Look! We are talking evolution, small simple steps over hundreds and hundreds of millions of years. Capiche?

I think so ...

You're not certain! Okay. Life started on earth about 100 years ago in our analogy, yes?

Yes.

You remember why we are using the analogy .. ?

Because the human brain finds it difficult to imagine time frames much greater than our own lifespan?

Correct!

In reality, 100 years ago is 3.5 billion years ago. But we are using seconds here to equate as years, which is why 2000 years only takes 34 minutes. 34 minutes equates to the birth of Jesus and 100 years is the beginning of life on earth. Yes?

Yes, I am with you?

Good.

Do you know how long life had been evolving on earth before evolution branched off to create our lineage, your human ancestors?

What using our analogy?

Yes, using the analogy!

Fifty years?

Nope?

Seventy five years?

Nope, keep going higher!

Eighty seven?

Keep going ...

Ninety three?

Nope ..

Lower?

Nope .. higher.

Ninety six?

Nope

I give in ... you tell me ..

Really?

Yes, really!

In the hundred year history of life on earth evolution had been busy for ninety nine years and forty two weeks before it branched out towards what would eventually be known as human. Which of course gave it an adequate amount of time with which to come up with all the components, in a roughly ready state that is, that now constitute your human form! Which would include limbs, eyes, intestines, fingers, the liver, kidneys, toes and lots, and lots of hair

Wow! So man has only been about for ten weeks?

Yup. It is actually a little less, more like nine weeks, six days, ten hours and forty minutes ... roughly speaking that is.

Shit!

I know. Pretty amazing huh?

... it is hard to comprehend.

Of course it is ....

God ...

Yes?

I still don't understand why YOU are telling me this?

Why?

Well, isn't it a little against your own interests?

Really, who says so?

Well religions for a start. They have a number of long standing publications that seem to indicate this whole evolution thing might not be your thing!

They do, do they?

Yes ... in fact I have one here.

You do?

Yes ... the Bible.

The Bible, so who do you think wrote that?

Well ... you allegedly.

Ha ha ha ... very funny, you do have a wonderful knack for the sublime.

But can I talk to you about it, it is very important.

Can't see why not my friend, but another time aye?

Okay.

Adious for now then.

'Amen'

Very funny.