Having just looked at Josie's I am poem, reminded me of one I wrote some time ago.
I'm a worm who is sliding through the earth
and pretty soon I'll meet my death
through a spade or a bird or a pudgy hand,
But I won't die, for I am. I AM.
I'm a bird who is pecking at the ground
I'm looking for a worm or an insect brown.
But the cat found me and my blood's on the sand.
But I won't die, for I am. I AM.
I'm a cat who is sneaking through the wood
I'll find a bird if I'm quiet and good
But the fox found me and my head's on the land.
But I won't die for I am I AM.
I'm a fox who hears the hunting horn
and pretty soon I know I'll be torn
by the hounds who are with the hunting clan.
But I won't die for I am. I AM.
I'm a dog who is chasing after sheep
It feels so good to hear them bleat,
Then the farmer's gun jumps in his hand.
But I won't die for I am. I AM.
I'm a sheep gambolling about the field
all too soon I know I'll be killed
and in the butcher's shop I'll hang.
But I won't die for I am. I AM.
I'm a man who is eating Sunday lunch
when pain hits me with a savage crunch
and they bury me deep in the cold, hard land.
But I won't die for I am. I AM.
I'm an angel who is out in Space
I have to pay for my fall from grace
I've been cast out of the heavenly band.
But I won't die for I am. I AM.
I am God most High of translucent light
My streams reach out to the furthest stars
And universe on universe without end
are yours and mine and mine and yours.
From the smallest speck of infinite dust
To exploding galaxies, long since passed.
I am part of all and all a part
of a single, multiple, pulsating heart.
I am part of good and part of evil,
Part of God and part of the Devil.
I am past and present and future too,
You are me and I am you,
eternity upon eternity.
I AM. I AM. I AM.
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Hello Audrie Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 3rd July 2007 |
| Well done. I love it when you can take two words and make different sense and different poems from them. I actually saw those words on a page yesterday and they stuck in my mind. Later, when I walked into the room, I had left the radio on and the morning service was on and the two words came up again. Then, before I knew it, the words just flowed onto paper. I was so interested to see how you had written your "I Am" poem. I think there is scope for lots of ideas from this. I loved your last verse: "I am part of all and all a part of a single, multiple, pulsating heart" and what you said about being part of good and part of evil is so true. True also about being part of the past, present and future. I guess that our children and our grandchildren carry us forward in time, even if only in their genes or their memories. Great poem! |
brilliant Written by uche (44 comments posted) 3rd July 2007 |
| simple BRIlliANt...well done, quite didactic and philosophic |
Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 3rd July 2007 |
I have to confess, I am always suspicious of the apparently religious. However, I really liked the last verse of this piece. Well balanced words. Phil |
reply Written by audrie (451 comments posted) 3rd July 2007 |
Thanks to all for your kind words. Once I started this poem it just seemed to take over and rattle off itself! I don't actually believe in 'religions' Phil, as I think they are responsible for more bloodshed than anything else on this planet. Hope that isn't offensive to anyone. But I do believe there is something more than just one lifetime, and that our basic energy goes on. What people think of as God/Devil I think of as a huge force of energy, unconditional and absolute, which can be used for good or evil, love or hate. I may well be so wrong but having had glimpses of that abundance of overwhelming benevolence in which everything was as One, I rest my case. |
Written by fellpony (1608 comments posted) 3rd July 2007 |
| Interesting to see two poems with the same title which take different stances and work differently. I liked the last section myself much better than the earlier ones - where I felt the bouncy rhythm and the rhymes which were very concrete worked against the metaphysical nature of your message. |
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 3rd July 2007 |
The religious connotations spoil this for me - also the strange "I won't die" assertions - why not? The "I am" statements - fair enough -existential- rational - the rest is non-sensical to me...psuedo-religious claptrap... Sorry, audrie Oli |
reply - 2 Written by audrie (451 comments posted) 4th July 2007 |
Don't worry Talisker, you don't offend me. That is why I joined the group, to get 'constructive' criticism! I refer you to my answer to Phil(above) about the 'religious' aspect. Why won't we die? Because I do believe that life goes on but in a different form. After all, even if you don't believe that we go on, our dead bodies feed the creatures who need sustenance, and our ashes feed the earth. I have to say, fellpony and Phil, that I agree with you. I like the last part better than the rest, but I wanted to show the evolution of creatures gradually going up the scale of life. Then, that there is more than just physical evolution, but also of the mind and spirit. It was rather childishly put, that is why I need the criticism. audrie |
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