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Poetry
Meeting of Two
By kitten_princess
03 July 2007
For RV, the one who inspired me again.

he waits at the stop for me,
as the bus judders to a halt,
brings me to him.

we hold each other close,
a fierce embrace,
absorbing into one another -
feels good.

he takes me home, a cosy bungalow,
he brushes his lips against my face,
my heart hiccuping with each touch -
feels better.

we have seconds, minutes, hours,
to kiss, play, laugh, hold each other.

all the while,
the weather shifts moodily outside,
time relentlessly plods on.

the sky spits down as we go back.
we huddle together under the bus shelter,
fingers laced, unwilling to be cleaved.
a final meeting of lips and hands

then apart.

i watch him shrink and melt into the horizon,
his shadow merging into the shrubs as i leave.

and then he's gone.

Reviews
A Bit Trim
Written by uche (44 comments posted) 3rd July 2007
i think you should trim out: 
brings me to him, feels good, feels better, then apart, and then he's gone...all this add more wordiness to this brilliant piece 
 
well done
I liked...
Written by Talisker (1336 comments posted) 3rd July 2007
your "heart hiccuping"  
 
the rest was too ordinary for me. Romantic etc but without deeper meaning. Not affecting. 
 
For me you need to plug more into your feelings rather than narrative description of events. 
 
Please keep posting though, I want to read more 
 
Oli 
 
:)

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