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Poetry
Highland Rain
By Talisker
05 July 2007

Those who know me, will be aware that I'm no great exponent of form or counter of silly bulls.

Howerver.  Having found the muse's underwear drawer empty and her suitcase gone (B-<) I thought I might dabble to see if I could tempt her to return.

It may be Odin's Mead or it may be brimstone and treacle...

This is my attempt at a Crapsian* Cinquain (2,4,6,8,2)...go on! Say the obvious!

Oli (B->)

(made that term up, a la Adelaide Crapsey)


Leaden,

Bulging, sombre cloud,

Burst on serrated ridge.

Warm rain escapes a yawning sky.

Sun again.

 

Oli 05/07/07

Reviews

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3133 comments posted) 5th July 2007
I thought it was simple, vivid and wonderfully atmosperic description of a country scene but as I could make no sense of the pre-amble I'm probably wrong and will be cursed for my ignorance and may even get some vitriolic verse thrown my way; pardon my ignorance 
[I stll liked it though] 
Jane

Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 5th July 2007
I'm firmly with Jane here. I liked this, pure and simple, and all of that poet-talk gobbledygook sails right over my relatively uneducated (poetry-wise) head. Ignorance is bliss, I suppose, but I still know this is a good poem.
talisker
Written by audrie (444 comments posted) 5th July 2007
surely the second line is 5 not 4?
5 not 4! How very dare you!
Written by Talisker (1300 comments posted) 5th July 2007
Hi all & thanks! - this IS just a poem - but a haiku-esque form (cinquain).  
 
I am humbled by any praise, as always - but especially from your ilk Jane, Mary...ultimate respect! 
 
Audrie, you have a problem with the way I say "sombre" as one syllable i.e. not som-bur - I allow me artistic license ;)  
 
Oli :)

Written by Phil (6383 comments posted) 5th July 2007
Read this earlier Oli but didn't have time to comment. Went out drove below our local hills (West Pennines Moors) and your line sprang to mind: 
 
Burst on serrated ridge 
 
Our hills don't look serrated, I'm sure yours do. It's a great description. 
 
Enjoyed. Simple and effective. 
 
Phil.
Highland Rain
Written by CliffBowes (176 comments posted) 10th July 2007
A lovely example of an Adeleide Crapsey quintain. Even with the possible sombre two syllable controversy it reads beautifully. Here in the North Yorkshire Dales we could do with less of the bulging clouds and more of the drying sun. 
Good poem Oli. 
Cliff

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