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Unlike my sisters, deeply rooted in the Earth like the sycamore tree,
I break free from this world of confinement and create a new path.
So many have tried to tame me, but like trapped water I always escape.
Much like a stream,
I trickle aimlessly into the unknown in search of the purpose of the woman known as I.
In every river bed I lay,
I find no answers and force myself to flow on.
Infinitely, it seems, this journey continues on
allowing me to be bejeweled by life's mysteries.
Over the years I have become a stranger even to myself
as I let the current of fear conquer me.
Just like the roar of a waterfall,
My thoughts and emotions overpower everything surrounding me.
I feel as though I am drowning--
desperately gasping for air--
And yet I reach out for no one.
Further and further I sink in my own confusion, until there is nothing left but a rainbow of misery. |
Can you tell me
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 7th July 2007 | | why you have called your poem "Farmers and Gypsies"? I know others will like your style of poetry, but the fact that there are no verses, and it flows on and on like the river you mention, with some lines very long and others so short, irritates me. But don't take that to heart. It is just that my poetry is usually so different. I would like to ask you also who is talking. Who has sisters that are rooted to the earth like a sycamore tree? Sorry to ask you these details when to others it is probably very obvious. | For Josie...
Written by roxyhope (8 comments posted) 7th July 2007 | I have called this piece "Farmers and Gypsies" because of a suggestion from a dear friend of mine. He once read an article that explained that there are only two kinds of people on Earth (farmers and gypsies). The farmers stay in one place and grow produce, while the gypsies travel the world and exchange wonderful stories for a place to stay, and food on the table, before moving on again. The author went on to explain that they both needed each other, for world balance. And, they needed each other to feel completely complete. After reading my piece my friend suggested the title because I am in many ways the gypsy that was described in the newspaper article.
Im sure there are many people who are irritated with my writing style, but I write simply for myself. I rarely use punctuation, proper grammar, or a structured form (which suits me just fine). I am glad your response is honest to your tastes though. Its always nice getting feed back (whether good or bad).
The speaker in the poem is myself. I am talking about how different I am from my family, my friends, and others who surround me. I refuse to be bolted to one spot. I need my freedom to be happy, yet happiness is bittersweet.
I hope that I was able to answer your questions.. If I didnt feel free to ask more. Thank you for the comment. It is appreciated.
Kia kaha,
Roxanne | Thanks
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 7th July 2007 | | Explained well. I don't agree though. I used to travel, and felt like you. Now I live in a beautiful area and am getting older, and I go away and come home and wonder why I left here at all. ha ha. You may write for yourslf, yes, but I still think that it is important to put in punctuation, check spelling etc, because others read it and want to understnd it. I write mainly for children, so it is important that good English is put before their eyes. Don't you think so? Best wishes - - - |
Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 7th July 2007 | I quite liked this: its reaching out and its emotional contradictions. I liked the title too, but it did need explaining for me to understand it.
For me, a little over written and needs paring down. I thought these parts:
much like a stream
over the years
as I let
didn't quite fit the rest of the piece.
Interesting stuff.
Phil. |
Written by fellpony (1616 comments posted) 8th July 2007 | I didn't get the connection between the title and the content either  Agree with Phil, the contradictions are confusing - there are lots of things you're trying to say which perhaps don't come over as clearly as you intend. Are you proud of being the gipsy, or depressed by it? If both, can you round it out a little more, separate it into different positions? Constant contradiction tends not to connect so easily as simpler statements, even if you then go on to show the other side elsewhere. Rainbow of misery is an example that springs to mind.
Some of the ways you express your emotions could be tightened up: So many, much like, it seems, I feel as though, could all be pruned out without losing anything from the message you want to convey.
Sorry - this isn't aimed at you BTW, just at the poem  |
Written by JourneyAtNight (314 comments posted) 9th July 2007 | I liked this overall. While reading it in my head, I found there was dream-like echo around the words, which I liked. This sounds a bit strange I know, but I don't know how else to explain it!
I did find I was a little confused however, about whether you were happy about being so free or not - for me, it changed half way through. You mention being 'bejeweled by life's mysteries' which seems to me to be a positive aspect, but then you go straight on to say that you are a stranger to yourself. Perhaps you could find away to link these two ideas?
I liked 'rainbow of misery'. It has a real melancholy feel to it and got me thinking - interesting image.
E
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