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Not News
Playing Statutes
By wltshr
08 July 2007

I mean, what???

After nearly 200 years the term “common prostitute” is to be removed from the statute book and replaced with the word “person”. The decision follows a consultation, which showed the term was widely regarded as both stigmatising and offensive.

 Groups representing Paedophiles, Thieves, and Murderers have also applied to the Home Office for a similar ruling. “Overtly pejorative terms do nothing to bring together the disparate groups within our society”, a spokesperson said.

The shake-up in the sex offences laws will also see women who are persistently involved in prostitution facing compulsory drug and alcohol rehabilitation courses on pain of 72 hours' detention if they fail to attend. Home office minister Tony McNulty explained: “We are only too well aware that not all “persons” take drugs or drink alcohol but we must be seen to be doing something.”


However, not everyone is pleased by these changes. Tracey Gorringe, 27, from Harlow in Essex told our reporter, “ Fer chrissake!! ‘Ow am I, like, expected to advertise now, like? If I can only describe myself, like, as a “person”, like, my cards in ‘phone boxes are gonna be a bit boring, ennay? I mean, I’m called Tracey, I live in ‘Arlow, an’ I charge five quid for sex. I’m ‘ardly an ‘igh class courtesan, am I?” 

Reviews

Written by Seagull (174 comments posted) 8th July 2007
I don't suppose you have any contact details for Tracey?? :grin

Written by Phil (6645 comments posted) 8th July 2007
Five quid for sex, that's bloody cheap Wilts! They won't get out of bed for less than a twenty-spot up here. I'm not surprised Seagull wants here contact details. 
 
Is this based on a real suggestion? If so, PC just got even madder.  
 
Enjoyed the read. 
 
Phil.

Written by Livinginanattic (456 comments posted) 8th July 2007
I think those people who feel they 'must be seen to be doing something' can be a bit of a menace. 
 
Good stuff, particularly liked the way you portrayed Tracey's accent. 
 
Cheers 

Written by Seagull (174 comments posted) 8th July 2007
Hey up Phil, the thought of prossies that WON'T get out of bed for less than 20 quid made me laugh. Sorry probably not allowed to call them prossies anymore!

Written by wltshr (300 comments posted) 8th July 2007
Sadly, chaps. It's all true. 
 
http://www.guardian.co.uk/crime/article/0,,2112250,00.html 
 
I can only imagine, Phil, that a combination of competition and sheer unattractiveness has driven Tracey's prices down. 
 
Best 
 
Wltshr  
 
PS Thanks to all of you for your reviews.

Written by woody44 (774 comments posted) 9th July 2007
I`ve been called a common person for years now Wltshr! So I think I`ll write to Mr McNulty and complain on the grounds of discrimination. Like they say, you couldn`t make it up. Nice read. 
 
 
Woody

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3298 comments posted) 11th July 2007
I suppose Tracey could call herself something like a Penile Ejaculation Facilitator to confirm to PC standards. 
I think you have highlighted the lunacy with humourous precision. It is hardly worth bothering to invent silly news when the real stuff is so mad.  
Nicely done 
Jane

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