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By woody44
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10 July 2007 |
Jotted down in an idle moment...As some of you know I don`t profess to know much about poetry....
The hair is much thinner now
Tell-tale lines furrow his brow
Sagging bags hold up his eyes
Chewing meat no longer wise
Hearing now lacking perfection
Christmas day his last erection
With shoulders hunched and back all bent
He wonders where the fuck the years all went. |
Written by Phil (6838 comments posted) 10th July 2007 | What the hell did he get for Christmas?
Simple verse, worked well for me.
Phil |
Written by Fledermaus (3448 comments posted) 10th July 2007 | Not a very happy picture of getting old. I guess I have to do something quickly while I'm still young 
It worked indeed. |
Written by Seagull (174 comments posted) 10th July 2007 | Some days it could be me!! I don't suppose it would be too bad if this was written on Boxing Day!!
Nice poem. | Hi Woody
Written by jean.day (2326 comments posted) 11th July 2007 | I thought it was good but a couple of the lines scanned awkwardly for me - but I am no poet either.
I would have said
Hearing now lacking perfection
I won't try to change the last line as it would spoil the effect. |
Written by woody44 (777 comments posted) 11th July 2007 | Phil - Think it was a blow-up doll of one of Santa`s reindeer....
Thanks Fled.Sow your wild oats young man!
Seagull. True about Boxing day! Perhaps should have said `Christmas ninety-nine!`
Jean - As you can see I have altered the line as suggested. Two `no longer`s` wasn`t very good anyway was it. Many thanks for your input. I`m afraid I don`t take my `poetry` too seriously!
cheers
Woody |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3446 comments posted) 11th July 2007 | Fancy us meeting in the poetry forum of all places. I didn't know you were a poet Roger. A reat little bit of doggerel [I think] despite it's sad and messge of age and loss it brought a wry smile to my face but I think that was your intention. I do love the way you wrong foot the reader with that subversive humour. This would be perfect material for the "Oldie" magazine.You must send it in
cheers
Jane | Lovely
Written by Talisker (1328 comments posted) 12th July 2007 | Forget the artistic merit - this is pithy! As the great Woody Allen would say "it hath pith"
As for content, I'm far too young yet to comment.
Doctor, doctor! When I get an erection, I'm all hot and sweaty, then next time I'm all cold and shivery, then next time all hot again!
Doctor: I need to talk to your wife...Is this true Wife?
Wife: Yes! Once in December, then in July, then December again!
Oli
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Written by woody44 (777 comments posted) 13th July 2007 | Jane- Thanks. Don`t know if the `Oldie` is up for such cutting-edge material, but I may give it a try.
Oli- I seem to have started something here re erections. Perhaps we could ask for a section devoted entirely to the subject...
Roger |
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