I was inspired to write this poem when a friend of mine was pregnant for the first time. She was so excited to be a first time mom. This poem is one of the poems in my book "Ins and Outs of Life". I hope you enjoy it.
~Toni Rene' Cravens Bowling~
Hey mommy it’s me under your heart,
Until I am born we’ll not be apart.
I know you can feel me inside of you,
Kicking around, can you feel my love too?
I often try to make noises so you can hear me,
So tell me mommy have you picked a name for a he or a she?
I know you can feel me as I continue to grow,
But mommy can you feel my love as it continues to flow?
Can you hear me mommy, can you hear what I say?
I can’t wait to see your face on that special day.
I hear you singing and talking to me each night,
That’s how I know everything is going to be alright.
Our bonds just seem to be getting stronger all the time,
I can’t wait to see your face; I can’t wait to see you shine.
Can you hear me mommy, when I say I love you?
I hope you can, I hope you know it is true. |
Written by Talisker (1300 comments posted) 12th July 2007 | Far too saccharine for my taste.
One presumes for the use of "mommy" rather than "mummy" that you originate or are based to the West of the Atlantic. Americans seem to have more of an apetite for this kind of schmaltz - personally, I find it vomit-inducing.
How can we say that the unborn child "loves" the mother? For me this is illogical - the unborn child has no facility (nor need) for any emotion at all - his/her needs are purely physical.
As for the scansion, pass marks on that front, although the odd syllable counts make for a very jagged read. Straightforward rhyming couplets.
This is a very honest review - I could have "non-reviewed" - but this piece DID elicit emotions and therefore "deserved" review time. Unfortunately, those emotions are not pleasant.
Good luck,
Oli |
Written by Fledermaus (3159 comments posted) 12th July 2007 | Unlike Oli, I thought this was sweet. Alright, allright, he's probably right about a foetus not being able to know, let alone reason about these things, but then, it's all in the eye (or the womb) of the beholder, isn't it? And if a mum (or mom) interprets the kicks that way, then that's a good start, I'd say.
The rhyme was OK, but the rythm was a bit too loose. Enjoyable though. | Mommy Can You Hear Me (unborn child)
Written by ToniBowling (6 comments posted) 12th July 2007 | Thank you for your input, into this matter. I greatly appreciate your time invested into reading and reviewing this poem.
The purpose of this poem was for not only for my friend, the poem is also a message for the pro-life campaign. I empathize with you about your emotions, however, life is life and death is death.
I believe that the human fetus is still a human being and human beings all deserve an opportunity to participate in the greater circle of life.
Many will continue to forget that there is a purpose of life. Some will continue in life without providing the gift of life. Life is irreplacable as well as priceless.
Essentially, abortion destroys the gift of giving new life. Therefore, if anyone chooses to take upon themselves to be greater than the cycle of life then one chooses to be greater than God.
If the greatest minds of history within the world were aborted then so would our greatest discoveries of the world.
All of the innovations within our modern civilization may most likely come to have never existed.
Life is a part of a simple cause and effect. As one is a part of the circle of life, all who live within this great circle are also a greater part of the contribution.
The poem is intended to create a sense of great loss for the great debate of life is within the question of "Where and When does life itself begin?"
Thank You again for your time
|
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3141 comments posted) 12th July 2007 | I was going to tip-tow away from this piece, unlike my good friend Talisker who bravely stuck his head over the parapet. I am no poet and he is. But as this has somehow become a pro-life issue I must ask is the poem some sort of emotional blackmail aimed at the pro-choice people? I do feel the tactics of the pro-life are sometimes confused and underhand.Americans do get very het up by this issue about the right to life and yet American sanctions on Iraq have been responsible for the deaths of tens of thousands of innocent children and babies but I suppose they don't count because they are Hay -rabs [as W would call them] You then bombed the country and killed thousands more...pro-life ?? Idon't think so. You campaign for the right of the fetus but when they grow up if they get in your way they are dead meat.
cheers
Jane |
Written by Phil (6393 comments posted) 12th July 2007 | I too passed this one by, mainly because it doesn't suit my poetic taste. Being a new member, I didn'y want to introduce myself with a negative review.
I think a well presented prolife argument would be better presented in non-fiction rather than as a justification to your poem. Personally, I don't see the link.
Just a quick reaction to your pro-life argument: yes, if some notable poeple had been aborted, life would be very different now. The world may be a better a place for that. On the other hand, if I could could time travel, I'd happily abort Hitler (and many others) myself. Not really a black and white issue.
Phil.
|
Written by ToniBowling (6 comments posted) 12th July 2007 | You are trying to make this about politics and it isn't. It is about giving life. If you want to talk about politics then let's go back to September 11, 2001 when so many over here were in there work doing there ordinary jobs and then two airplanes struck the twin towers and killed so many innocent lives. That is politics for you. That is why they are fighting the war they are fighting.
In addition to the number of lives that were lost due to the brutal unprovoked attacks on our US soil, the attacks were also attacking the stability of the world economic stability. Many years have passed since that the horrible event within history has occurred. Many have forgotten about what had really happened on that day.
In the beginning the conflict was greatly supported and now it is quickly forgotten as to why any of the events leading to the war has ever begun. The US has also not knowing at the time ventured into a situation in which the war is not as easy to walk away from as it was to enter.
There is much more on that plate of life than the ventures of what one can see.
-- This is a reply to a political statement.
The poem is not a liberal nor political statement.
The add in for my comment is my feelings and my point of view about abortion issues.
Everyone within the circle of life have the freedom to choose what anyone wants within it even if it partakes on to be the greatest of the great potential or the greatest of the least potential.
Not everyone can agree yet many hopefully can agree to disagree.
The 9/11/2001 political editorial is from the webmaster of my website.
However, the abortion views are my own. | One last point
Written by Josie (2500 comments posted) 13th July 2007 | | Welcome to GW. About your poem: Well, for me (and I am unusual in this I think), it is too long and winding. I like things to be tidier with clear cut verses and lines which have some structure. Apart from that, I agree with you about the rights of the unborn children. I have two beautiful little grandchildren, and I couldn't imagine how awful it would have been if they had been murdered before even having the chance to live. I think it is all wrong, except in very exceptional cases, eg if the mother's life were put at risk. But I think that at the time the child is in its mother's womb, it doesn't feel the same love as the mother for it. A mother knows when the child is awake and kicking and when it is quietly asleep, and soon attaches herself to the little life, but children need a few months to realize who mother is. I really think you should do a good piece of non-fiction writing on this subject. |
Written by fellpony (1507 comments posted) 14th July 2007 | | Ignoring the political remarks made above, and focusing only on the content, I find the basis of the poem doesn't match what I know about foetal development and the sentiment is - for me - both exaggerated and obvious. Technically, the metre is ragged and the rhymes forced. From this you'll deduce that it's not to my taste. Sorry. |
Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register. Powered by AkoComment 2.0! |
Previous item
