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Poetry
With This Ring
By ToniBowling
15 July 2007

I wrote this for my sister's boss when she got married as a wedding present.


With this ring I give you my love and heart,
I give you all of me and I pray we are never apart.
With this ring I give you myself to cherish and to love,
Each and every day I thank God up above.
With this ring I give you everything you want and need,
I give you what I feel towards you in these words I read.
With this ring I give you my solemn vow,
To always feel the same as I do now.
With this ring I give you my time and devotion,
I give you all of this without so much a commotion.
You are my life, you are my lover, and you are my best friend,
As long as we are together our love will know no end.
I pledge my eternal love to you with this ring,
As I place this ring on your hand I can hear the angels sing.
So with this ring I now become you wife,
So now our journey begins and so does our life.

Reviews
Half a laugh anyway
Written by patterjack (1328 comments posted) 14th July 2007
when she got married as a wedding present. 
 
Now that is an interesting concept ! Who was the donor of this present ?  
Was she ever given as a birthday present as well ? 
 
It is a prime example of your lack of ability in the construction of sentences in English. 
 
Slushy content , slushy thinking, slushy expression. Whereas your content is your own choice and not for me to criticise, I could spend a lot of time pointing out the deficiencies of the latter pair. 
 
But I doubt it would do any good. 
 
patterjack. 

Written by Livinginanattic (465 comments posted) 15th July 2007
Not really my sort of thing either but I'm sure some people will like this. 
 
One line that seemed a bit forced is: 
 
'I give you all of this without so much a commotion.' 
 
I think the problem here is you insist on making each couplet rhyme exactly and this is too restricting. However I liked the rhythm of the piece and it seemed to flow well enough. 
 
I found myself disagreeing with this couplet: 
 
'With this ring I give you my solemn vow, 
To always feel the same as I do now.' 
 
Feelings can change and that sounds like something you can't really promise. 
 
Best wishes, 
 
Ben 
 
 
[oh brian, less thorny if you please!]
Written by no1butClo (338 comments posted) 15th July 2007

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