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The Second Cold War (part 2)
By origami.tree
15 July 2007
I'm still working on fixing up part 1, so there may be some gaps between the original part 1 and part 2. When i have finished it I will re-post it.

But to try and clarify: The world the story is based in is supposed to be a few years on from now, and they are in the middle of a second cold war. Abbey is attacked by two men when she goes out close to curfew to buy a few things, she hides from them with help from some vagrants living in the park. She now owes them a favour as a result.

This bit is shorter than part 1. It has some fairly strong language throughout and violence.

Please give me any advice etc...
Thanks.

Raindrops speckled Abbey’s shoulders, promising relief from the overwhelming humidity. Sweat mingled with rain, as a cool wind gusted somewhat hesitantly around her, the approaching storm quickly becoming tangible. Turning away from the small balcony and walking inside the curtains brushed her ankles, dancing and kicking in the breeze.


She wandered past a large brass four poster bed and followed the sound of a jazz record crackling away in another room. She entered a large oak paneled kitchen and stepped unwittingly into the wiry arms of a masked stranger who threw her to the ground, hard.


 

Abbey woke with a start, her dream shattered by stale bath water violently invading her lungs. Water and oxygen exploded from her as she coughed wildly. Half a bottle of bourbon had aided her semi-comatose dreams and now, back in reality, she found herself disappointed to have woken at all. She eventually abandoned the tepid bath in favour of her bed, but was interrupted by a knock at her door. Shit Head had come to call in his favour. They had a parcel to deliver.

 

 

People smuggling had become a currency unto its own in the UK. Human traffic was flowing from Europe into Britain in unprecedented numbers providing slaves; whores and mail order brides to the wealthy and unscrupulous. Abbey was left in the front room of a brothel to wait for Shit Head to return. She watched as the refugees-come-prostitutes paraded themselves to each prospective client, who then picked the woman he wanted.



Inside the basement Shit Head was welcomed like an old friend.

“You’re just in time for the show!” the man declared, his face was gnarled and furrowed by the ravages of addiction, “We are going to show this slut what happens when she tries to run away without paying her debts.”
 


He loaded one chamber of his handgun, spun the cylinder and explained to her that she had a one in six chance of being killed. The girls slip dress barely covered her breasts, revealing her thin adolescent frame. Her cheeks shone with tears and the wretch wailed miserably at the gun being pressed to her forehead. Her body was buckled and twisted in surrender. The cement wall was transformed into a grisly Jackson Pollock as blood and brain matter sprayed its surface.

“Hmm,” he murmured, “that was unlucky…”

Horror was etched on the young girl’s face as it hit the floor.

A similar expression was mirrored in Shit Heads face.

“Why do you have to show me that kind of shit?! I’m just the delivery boy Frank; fuck you.” He growled, picking up the bag of cocaine and headed for the door.

“You dumb Serbian cunt,” Frank spat at him.
 


From her vantage point, on a couch in the front room, watching the sex workers strut reminded Abbey of an illegal cockfight her father had taken her to when she was young. In either case the unwilling participants were given only the option of competing for survival, these women were simply armed with stilettos instead of spurs. She was certain most of the girls working here had been smuggled in from Eastern Europe and were forced into prostitution to pay off their ‘travel expenses’. Shit Head slammed the door leading to the basement and stormed across the room to Abbey.

“Let’s go.” He hissed pulling her outside in a hurry.



A rhapsody of screams erupted from the brothel as Frank dragged the dead girl’s body through the front room and into the kitchen where he intended to dismember it. The impact of this was simple and effective: Don’t fuck with Frank Grossman.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Reviews

Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 15th July 2007
A very dark, but plausible picture of the future of Europe you present. In fact, this is probably reality in many cities already. Yet as this is scifi, I'm curious where the bigger story will kick in, even though you suggested it won't play a major role. 
The second cold war must somehow have an impact on the lives of ordinary people. Thinking of the cold war, I imagine a constant nuclear threat, espionage, superpowers meddling in small nations' affairs, guerillas, violent clashes between political ideologies, mysterious secret weapons, useless and expensive projects to show the superiority of one ideology or the other, propaganda, and some fascination on both sides for what they consider the enemy... 
 
I'm sure the different gangs in your story could have allied themselves with one of the greater alliances just to get money or weapons. Somehow the picture that emerged from your first chapter was that Britain had turned into some sort of Lebanon or Colombia.

Written by Asferthecat (834 comments posted) 15th July 2007
I presume the girl who was kiilled was the one beaten up in the alley in part one. 
Two possible scenarios present themselves - 1) Abbey is recognised as the girl who interfered. 
2) Shit Head intends to sell Abbey to Frank to take the girl's place. 
Neither happened, the story just petered out - or is there a part three? 
If he didn't mean to sell Abbey why did Shit Head take her to the brothel? 
She is still in the bath - has she got a hideous skin disease? If not, she soon will have. 
I like the world you have created but I am becoming worried about the plot and the characters

Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 15th July 2007
This was written much more tightly than the first piece. It tied together well. Worries about plot depend on the how long you you intend to be. If this is a three parter, then the plot is developing slowly. However, I suspect you intend a much longer piece. If this is the case, you can take your time developing key elements. 
 
Enjoyed. 
 
Phil.

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