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Poetry
hello stranger
By no1butClo
18 July 2007
Another train poem - they're such a big part of my life it's hardly surprising that so much of my writing happens there. I love them, they're very atmospheric places.

You sit there in the corner,
with your calm eyes and stubble,
speeding between these green mounds
crested with pines.

You read your book.
The smooth brown of your eyes
contradicts this rugged setting,
and is complimented more by
the buttermilk sky than the hills
as we cleave this land in two.

You've made this journey
too many times, and it shows,
I'd try and make a difference,
but I am just a stranger on a train.

Reviews
Like this one too !
Written by patterjack (1174 comments posted) 17th July 2007
niggle-- complimented or complemented ? 
 
some punctuation problems too  
 
But -- who cares ? it is a neat little poem, that encapsulates so much of what i myself feel when train travelling . 
 
patterjack
hi
Written by maipenrai (783 comments posted) 18th July 2007
another good write which I enjoyed. 
Bernie
la vie
Written by uche (44 comments posted) 18th July 2007
crisp as can be; good poem; reveals so much - well, 
do make a difference next time, pat
WHAT I LIKE ABOUT IT
Written by karlostheunhappyjackyl (13 comments posted) 18th July 2007
I think the best point about this is that you have captured motion very well indeed. 
 
Well done. 
 
hello stranger
Written by CliffBowes (176 comments posted) 18th July 2007
Hi Chloe 
This is a very good work. I like the way you paint a picture of a girl on a train admiring a man but not actually speaking to him. I think you got complimented correct with the i, assuming your meaning was to pay a compliment to or flatter. Rather than, to co-exist or complete. A very small point which doesn't really matter a lot. It could go either way. 
I also am very fond of rail travel. See my "Commuters - Feeding the Habit" on this site. 
Good luck 
Cliff

Written by Phil (6675 comments posted) 18th July 2007
I really liked the way you worked the sparse desription of man and scenery together. Made him more of the place, less of the here and now - and so more unapproachable. Does that make sense? 
 
Enjoyed. 
 
Phil.

Written by Livinginanattic (456 comments posted) 18th July 2007
Some nice imagery in this. Liked the idea of buttermilk sky. You've really captured the atmosphere in just a few words. 
 
Cheers, 
 
Ben 

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