Great Writing - Home > Poetry > Christmas in Hell
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1847 guests online and 4 members online
Poetry
Christmas in Hell
By maipenrai
19 July 2007
Hell is a small village in Norway!!!

the artic winds blew cold
on christmas eve in hell,
as little Bjorn lay dreaming
of what santa had for him.

out in the artic wasteland
not that far from hell
lay another who was dreaming
of joys he would never have.

but he could and
he would have
little Bjorn away
on this christmas eve in hell.

for he was the
devils gingerbread man
and he lived right here in
hell.

Reviews
Reponse
Written by karlostheunhappyjackyl (13 comments posted) 19th July 2007
Excuse the pun, but this leaves me cold. You have an idea, a notion but little else. 
 
It recalls a bit Tim Burton and his brilliant The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy & other stories, which I highly recommend if that is your kind of thing. 
 
As a concept, it is the sort of thing, I think, that works best in a Spike Milligan kind of humourous style. Sorry. 
 
The title is good, however and catching. Other points are that your stanzas reduce in length, but I see no reason for this. Should H be capital here, if it really is a place? (especially since Bjorn is a name which is capitalised?) 
 
I hope you re-work - there is potential in it.
Hi
Written by maipenrai (783 comments posted) 19th July 2007
Thanks for your comments, yes Hell is a real place. 
Bernie

Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 21st July 2007
Hi Bernie. 
 
Unsure about this one. I think I'm missing the context for he idea. Sorry. 
 
Phil

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item