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By uche
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20 July 2007 |
i heard a sensuous impression watching a sunset
the sun slides
rosy fingers
down
the tufted hips of
Guaraka Hills
clouds blush
delicately
beneath I stare
a tornado brewing
within my heart.
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Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 20th July 2007 | | It has a strange structure, but I liked it. A bit mysterious though, those last two lines... | ok Written by uche (44 comments posted) 21st July 2007 | | Well, Fled, the tornado was strong emotions roused by watching the sunset with a wild iimagination | Coral Sun Written by CliffBowes (176 comments posted) 21st July 2007 | Although much longer than a haiku or a tenka, this work has a feel of Japan about it. I like the sensuous way that the sun slides his fingers down the hips of some sexy hills making the clouds blush with his light. Lovely well though out words which sum up a picture of a really beautiful sunset. Well done. Cliff | Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 21st July 2007 | Agree in the min with Cliff. I do wonder if this would read a little better if the lines were not chopped up so much. Liked the first two lines particularly. Phil. | Written by Livinginanattic (456 comments posted) 21st July 2007 | Enjoyed this. Loved the imagery. Ben | Coral sun Written by mrsdecember29 (10 comments posted) 6th December 2007 | wow that made me feel really relaxed. i felt like i was just filled with enjoy ment aplus great job well done |
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