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Poetry
Coral Sun
By uche
20 July 2007
i heard a sensuous impression watching a sunset

the sun slides
rosy fingers

down

the tufted hips of
Guaraka Hills

clouds blush
delicately

beneath I stare

a tornado brewing
within my heart.

Reviews

Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 20th July 2007
It has a strange structure, but I liked it. A bit mysterious though, those last two lines...
ok
Written by uche (44 comments posted) 21st July 2007
Well, Fled, the tornado was strong emotions roused by watching the sunset with a wild iimagination
Coral Sun
Written by CliffBowes (176 comments posted) 21st July 2007
Although much longer than a haiku or a tenka, this work has a feel of Japan about it. I like the sensuous way that the sun slides his fingers down the hips of some sexy hills making the clouds blush with his light. Lovely well though out words which sum up a picture of a really beautiful sunset. Well done. 
Cliff

Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 21st July 2007
Agree in the min with Cliff. I do wonder if this would read a little better if the lines were not chopped up so much. Liked the first two lines particularly. 
 
Phil.

Written by Livinginanattic (456 comments posted) 21st July 2007
Enjoyed this. Loved the imagery. 
 
Ben
Coral sun
Written by mrsdecember29 (10 comments posted) 6th December 2007
wow that made me feel really relaxed. i felt like i was just filled with enjoy ment aplus great job well done :grin

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