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Shorts
Mom, Daughter and Lover
By TwistedTales
23 July 2007
Contains some sexually explicit language.


Looking forward to your comments/suggestions.

“Come on in Badboy. We have the entire house to ourselves.”

“Oh! Sweets I can’t tell you how much I have missed kissing you for these past two days.
The sexual tension was driving me crazy. Where’s your mummy and daddy baby doll?”

“Well my mom’s out for the day and you don’t have to worry about my dad. He will believe whatever I say,” said Rebecca, giving Roger a naughty smile.

Rebecca was 18, hot and beautiful. She had a cute, pretty face with long silky hair. She had a perfect figure with envious curves. Roger was 40, a successful businessman. His looks had helped him score with a number of ladies. He was married with a kid. The affair between him and Rebecca began almost 5 years back. It had started when Roger had accidentally seen her almost naked in the girls dressing room at a hockey game. Roger had gone into the locker room to congratulate his daughter for winning the game, when he saw Rebecca coming out of the shower just in a towel. Her long slender body had swept him off his feet.

“Oh baby, you are so beautiful. Come to me sweetheart and let me show you a good time.”

He pounced on her and pushed her on to the bed. After pinning her against the fluffy bed cushions he smothered her with kisses. Roger bit her on the side of her neck and didn’t let go until her skin turned a reddish blue. He ripped her top and skirt, even while Rebecca tried to break free from Roger’s iron-like grip. He started with her forehead, kissing all the way down to her toes, using his tongue at places that aroused her the most. He bit her nipples and sucked at them, after unhooking her bra. Her soft, round and pink nipples instantly stood up in attention. Roger turned her around and bit her bottom through her panties. She was screaming in pleasure and Roger loved turning her on. Then in a swift motion, she pushed him back and climbed on top of Roger, her supple body brushing against the rough of his manly body. Her long hair tickled him as she when up and down. 

“Are you ready for this?”

He had not entered her yet and always wanted to do the real thing, but he knew Rebecca wasn’t ready for it. But a few days back she had expressed the desire to feel him deep within herself. She wanted to feel the warmth of his manliness and multiply the intimacy between them.

“Yes,” she whispered coyly.               
Just as he took a condom pack out of his wallet, some one rang the doorbell.

“Shit, shit! Could that be your mum? Oh my god,” said Roger in a barely audible voice. Beads of sweat populated his forehead and palms.  He quickly put his pants and shirt on.

“Coming,” shouted Rebecca from her room, buying some time to think about all possible explanations.

She came down the stairs gingerly to open the door, her heart beating at the speed of knots.

“What took you so long dear?” enquired her mum, dumping all the extra shopping bags on Rebecca.

“Umm, was doing some cleaning in my room mom,” replied Rebecca, nervously gulping at the risk of getting caught.

“My, my! Let me have a look at your room and see how you’ve arranged your things. By the way your dad had called while I was shopping. He said I can take my own time as he was going to get stuck in a meeting. Sometimes, your dad is impossible I tell you.” Her mum started climbing the stairs.

“I-it’s alright mum. Don’t bother. You can check it out later. You must be really tired, take some rest. I will get some orange juice for you,” cried Rebecca, frantically trying to stop her mom from going to her room.

“Don’t be silly dear. I am never too tired for my baby, come lets go together.”

Rebecca clutched her mum’s hand tightly in a bid to drag her back, but her mum was too strong. Just as her mum opened Rebecca’s room,  

“Ta dahhhh! Surprise!” Roger jumped from behind the door scaring the shit out of Rebecca’s mum because he knew there was no way he could have hid anywhere.

“What the hell are you doing here?” bawled Rebecca’s mom, clutching her chest, still in shock.

While Roger struggled to come up with an answer, Rebecca came to his rescue.

“Dad wanted to plan a surprise for you by booking your favorite hotel and getting all the things you like. He wanted me help him with it, so he came home early. The meeting was just a sham.”

Her mum screamed in joy.

“Really? You were planning a special evening for me all this while? Aww, honey, you are so romantic, come here and give me a kiss,” said Edna, dabbing her moist eyes.

With great difficulty Roger kissed his wife, while Rebecca looked on with disgust.

Edna dragged her husband to their room and Rebecca knew what was going to happen behind those closed doors. Her Roger will touch another woman. She had to think of a way to get rid of her mom. Roger had left her craving for more, her juices leaving her vagina soft, slimy and wet. She shut her door and masturbated, vigorously rubbing her genitals, experiencing anger and pleasure at the same time. She had to kill that bitch, she had to, she thought and went to sleep, dreaming of wild, raw, fiery lovemaking with Roger the next time they would be alone.     
 

          
 


Reviews

Written by Phil (6675 comments posted) 23rd July 2007
Hmm. A few problems. Quite a few cliches here, which don't help the story flow. 
 
The other main problem is believability. I can believe a father can abuse his daughter from the age of thirteen onwards. I can even believe a child can be made to believe it's natural and even love her abuser - that's the power some sick adults hold over their victims. What I can't believe is that by the age of eighteen, a woman would want to have sex with her father - but what do I know? The world is a large and strange place. 
 
You've chosen to write about a very sensitive subject. I don't think you've done it justice. Others may disagree. 
 
Sorry. Just an opinion. 
 
Phil.

Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 23rd July 2007
Thanks for the review Phil. I thought, when a little girl, say from the age 15 has been constantly made to believe that it is love (between her and her dad) and there is nothing wrong in it, someone who looks up to her father and feels that this "special" interest that he is showing in her is something she deserves and does not want to spoil it. The initial discomfort, if any has now all gone...after all 5 years is a long time. I felt this is quite possible, as children are exposed to a number of such sexual imageries all the time and start exploring things at an early age. Low self-esteem could also be a reason. So there are 'n' number of reasons that made me believe that this situation not 'impossible.'  
 
Regards, 
TT

Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 23rd July 2007
And when you say i haven't done justice to the story, could you please throw some more light and explain it to me. Your somments will help. 
 
Thanks, 
TT

Written by philkent (157 comments posted) 24th July 2007
Hi TT I read this last night but wanted to go away and have a think before commenting. 
 
Personally I think the scenario is feasible enough I've known friends who suffered this kind of abuse and indoctrination in their youth so it's not unknown to me. But that in itself is the problem, knowing of people who this has happened to for real makes me think the subject should be handled very very sensitively which I don't think you managed to do. I'm guessing you were aiming for an element of shock and a twist but I think this might have diverted you somewhat. The description of the sex scenes drifted uncomfortably close to titillation and exploitation and, given the subject matter, that's something you want to avoid. I'm sure that wasn't your intention but it might be something you want to review in the piece. 
It was well written and thought provoking though, no offense intended just think the structure needs more subtlety.

Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 24th July 2007
Thanks so much for your comments Philkent. Appreciate it.  
 
Hmm...yup i am getting what you are trying to say. I do understand that the issue could be too scandelous for some. But i wanted to show how it actually is with some children. I wanted to show the mental state of that kid...the years of brainwash and abuse, now make it seem like it is normal behavior. Some ofcourse are abused against their own will. But here i wanted to present it a lil differently. I have read about such cases. I guess would have to go the subtle way.  
 
Regards, 
TT 

Written by Phil (6675 comments posted) 24th July 2007
I still find this a little hard to swallow. I take on board what Phil is saying - but - would he have waited for five years until he had penetrative sex, very doubtful.  
 
I guess the tone of this is all wrong for me. In some ways Roger is set out as a character with which we are supposed to have a little sympathy with. After all, he's respected her wishes not to have sex until this occasion. (At this point, we don't know he's her father) Rebecca (until she begins to plan the murder of her mother) seems like a normal eighteen year old. My opinion is that well balanced eighteen year olds don't want to jump their fathers. 
 
For this to work, the whole piece needs to be more seedy, more dangerous, more dark. The gravity of the subject doesn't come across in the piece - it's too light hearted. 
 
This is a horrendous subject - and while I'm not saying Roger should get his come uppance in the story, the feel of the piece needs to show him as much more predatory and amoral. At the moment, the sex scene is too close to titillation. 
 
Don't think I'm rubbishing your piece - I'm not. It's a subject most would not have the courage to attempt - 10/10 for that. It's just that it doesn't have the impact I hope you were aiming for. 
 
Remember, it's just opinions. 
 
All the best, 
 
Phil
nope
Written by fellpony (1597 comments posted) 24th July 2007
I'm glad that the gents on the site have said what I too wished to say - that this reads more like an attempt at titillation, even pornography, than a real exploration of a father-daughter relationship: the kind of thing you get in top-shelf magazines where suggestive-to-explicit content rather than intelligent writing is what sells. You could probably sell something like this to them, and good luck to you, but we don't have a section for erotica on here, probably for the very good reason that it's devilishly hard to do well enough not to be offensive or ridiculous. 
 
OK, let's be specific, lest you think me merely a prudish and easily shocked old lady. (You can read my poems to find out whether that's true, BTW.) The dialogue here is over-explanatory, and even contrary to facts you reveal later: 
 
... “Oh! Sweets ... Where’s your mummy and daddy baby doll?” 
 
“Well my mom’s out for the day and you don’t have to worry about my dad. He will believe whatever I say,” said Rebecca, giving Roger a naughty smile. ... 
 
I don't think so, do you? That's cheating the reader by telling him (or her) something that turns out not to be true. Which would work if you wrote this in first person - narrators are allowed to cheat because people so often DO lie to themselves - but the Omniscient Author shouldn't. Might be worth a rewrite from that P.O.V - but if you make it any more raunchy, I'd suggest you send it to a magazine, rather than posting it on here.

Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 24th July 2007
WELL EASILY SHOCKED OLD LADY....thanks very much for your kind suggestions (lemme start looking for magazines to sell my work).  
 
Abt the dialogues: The characters are trying to cheat themselves by pretending to be someone else, perhaps that keeps them from feeling guilty. But i might consider changing the P.O.V.  
 
There's a polite way of putting across your point and then there's a RUDE way of doing the same. I think yours is the LATTER. This was just an attempt at trying something new...and this is not am IMPOSSIBILITY...the world is wide and wierd... 
 
AND I won't take this TONE from no one.  
 
I did not mean to be offensive to anyone...i have been a member of this site long enough and people know the kind of stuff i write about...this was just an experiment...AND thanks for enlightening me about the various sections on the SITE. 
 
Regards, 
TT 
 
 

Written by Phil (6675 comments posted) 25th July 2007
I've been following this one TT, as I felt a little uneasy about it. 
 
To be honest, I think you've had very fair reviews this - all of them. So, a slight over reaction? 
 
Phil

Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 25th July 2007
Umm, see Phil i am cool if someone does not like something written by me and honestly tells me what he/she did not like, to the extent that they even hate it. No issues there. The thing i am not ok about is the TONE which has been used to criticize my work. So i think the review is an over reaction, not my response.  
 
As i have made myself very clear, my aim is not to offend anyone.  
 
Regards, 
TT

Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 25th July 2007
Twisted Tales, I've read Sue's review twice now, and I'm damned if I can spot a bad tone. And trust me, I live with adolescents and I can spot a nasty tone a mile away.  
 
Is the mother a mom or a mum? Forgive my pickiness, but these things count. I keep picturing these people as Yanks one moment, and Brits the next. Consistency, please. 
 
If you are interested in reading a serious, moving and genuinely excellent treatment of this disturbing subject, try Deborah Moggach's 'Porky.' Pay particular attention to her dialogue, which is both natural and believable.

Written by Asferthecat (834 comments posted) 25th July 2007
I liked this. One does not always have to be serious-minded about incest.  
I liked the twist but felt cheated by this sentence at the beginning. "Where’s your mummy and daddy baby doll?”  
Twist stories are like detective stories - you can't cheat by giving wrong information. 

Written by patterjack (1174 comments posted) 25th July 2007

Written by patterjack (1174 comments posted) 25th July 2007
rationality rebuked ?
Written by patterjack (1174 comments posted) 25th July 2007
Judging by this triple post it seems my computer is echoing my own thoughts-- confusion at the hysterical tone taken by TT in reaction to FP's straightforward and rational review as evidenced by the shouting capitalisation. 
 
Porn is in the eye of the beholder I guess , but I feel that this piece has little to excuse it , as it is both poor writing and if it comes to that , poor porn.  
 
patterjack 
 

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