Boris is running for mayor, unfortunately this means the gaff prone wally has to give interviews.I don’t suppose he’ll ever take the place of Presscott but you have to let go to heal and Boris certainly has potential.
Boris is standing outside his house surrounded by reporters
Well yes, I mean hello.. umm …Is my hair all right…..[turns to a reporter] You’re a frisky little filly. Ohmigosh I suppose I shouldn’t say that. Sorry. Right, well I just want to say I don’t usually give interviews in my underpants but I’ve just got locked out; haven’t got my key. Slight difference of opinion with the old lady…She thinks I shouldn’t have affairs and I think I should….Women, eh what can you do? I mean, can’t live with them, can’t bury them under the patio. [to reporter] Ohmigosh you’re not writing this down are you? Only joking. I hope I haven’t offended you but I expect you’re a lesbian with that haircut so you don’t count..never mind. Glad we got that sorted.
Right..no.. well.. I’m here to tell you all that I’ve decided to do something really important…..no wait it’s on the tip of my tongue. Oh right yes…Mayor. I’m standing for Mayor…yes, that was it. I’m standing for Mayor of Birmingham…no wait London…Yes Mayor of London…God, wouldn’t want Birmingham, frightful place….went there once, never again…so dreary. [looks at sea of shocked faces] Ohmigosh I suppose I’m going to have to apologise to Birmingham, now.. Oh dear. Well, I suppose, if I must but can I do it by phone. I really don’t want to go there, Liverpool was bad enough.
Yes so it’s definitely London. I want to be Mayor so I hope you’ll all say nice things about me. I’ve decided to stand to get rid of that frightful Livingstone bloke and it’s so convenient for Henley. And if I’m Mayor I won’t have to pay that bloody congestion charge. Right well that’s it then, now, off you go. But if someone could just take me to a locksmith so I can get back into my house.|
Written by Seagull (174 comments posted) 25th July 2007 |
You seem to have got it down very well.. go on, you were there weren't you. The frisky little filly perhaps?
As I always say never refuse to hit an easy target!
Chris |
Written by gshelme (152 comments posted) 25th July 2007 |
Brilliant ! Had me laughing all the way through.
Gill  |
Written by woody44 (774 comments posted) 25th July 2007 |
My God the man is so astute. He really has everyone believing he`s an amiable buffoon. I must admit I saw him doing a series on Rome and was well impressed..but as for mayor of Birmingham, sorry, London, well it could be the final nail in Cameron`s coffin. Personally I hope he gets it, those rich b.....ds in Threadneedle street deserve a bit of grief. You caught Boris`s nuances brilliantly Jane. Great stuff, and nice to see the `Not News` section taking off again...
Cheers
Roger. |
Written by Phil (6688 comments posted) 25th July 2007 |
Ah, poor JP, forgotten already. This one made me laugh several times. You had him down very well. I think you might survive Prezza's passing.
Enjoyed very much.
Phil. |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 25th July 2007 |
This is wonderful, Jane.
Send this guy to America. He can't be president because you have to have been born there and have a family with a tremendous amount of money -- probably more than he has -- but I think he could easily become governor of, say, Nevada. |
Written by coosh (854 comments posted) 25th July 2007 |
| Also enjoyed this, you've got the voice just right - I read somewhere he's planning to dispense with underground trains so we can cycle down the tube - all very well for you laughing up there in cosy Nottingham with your posh sandbags and wellies. |
Written by Lizzy (790 comments posted) 25th July 2007 |
Very funny, I enjoyed it also.
I think a Boris is just what the Londoners need.
Do you think he'll adopt Ken's newts?
Lizzy |
Written by givitsum (651 comments posted) 25th July 2007 |
I too enjoyed that. I haven't seen much of this bounder, but from what I have gleaned from re-runs of Have I Got Repetetiveness For You, you're pretty much spot on.
An amusing read.
Givitsum |
Hello Boris...
Written by Clifftown (619 comments posted) 25th July 2007 |
...I had no idea you were really a "bottle blonde", it looked pretty natural to me.
I must say I did enjoy your speech, very entertaining, especially the idea of apologising to Birmingham by phone - but I have to say what with the likes of you and Ken about I'm glad I'm not a Londoner!
|
Written by Livinginanattic (456 comments posted) 25th July 2007 |
You packed so many gaffs into this piece he doesn't say a single thing which isn't! I can just picture him blundering his way through this and laughed all the way through.
Brilliant!
Ben |
Written by fellpony (1603 comments posted) 25th July 2007 |
| I rather like him, he's a silly bugger, but all the more entertaining for that. He came to Carlisle and looked round one of the Uni campuses and asked, "Is this where they do the drug dealing?" You got his delivery down pat. I sense that Prezza is losing ground. |
HI Jane
Written by jean.day (2266 comments posted) 26th July 2007 |
| Enjoy this as usual. It really did sound just like him, and the content was too near the truth to be a problem. |
Written by wltshr (300 comments posted) 26th July 2007 |
Sorry Jane.
I thought I'd reviewed this.
Very funny. You caught Boris' style very well.
There's a lot of mileage in this chap and you're just the girl to let him have it.
Best
Wltshr |
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 5th September 2007 |
You do have him down off pat, but perhaps you are being a bit harsh on the big man?
Boris may be a "gaff prone wally" - but is infinitely preferable in my eyes to Red Ken whose gaffes have been more harmful. Consider his anti-Jewish remarks to Oliver Finegold, disgusting racist slurs against the Reuben brothers and support for radical Islamic nuts like Yusuf Al-Qaradawi.
Give me good old Boris any day - totally un-PC, totally human, totally charismatic.
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Written by bluecity (373 comments posted) 12th December 2007 |
Smashing, Jane! Love to see a bit humour on ANY section.
I rather think you've got Boris sorted too, certainly as he appears on "Have I Got Repetitiveness For You?" re-runs. (Love "Have I Got Repetitiveness", Givitsum!)
Tend to agree with Talisker about Red Ken, though. Boris may be a prat but at least he's not a racist prat and he doesn't support terrorists!
Rosemary
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